Cheating

[Realist]

To begin with, these are my thoughts on my own personal cheating. I do not condone, or condemn, others for their cheating actions; I don't know their reasons for cheating, or their circumstances.

I think there are rare occasions when cheating may be justified........but, in my case, (during two relationships with women) I didn't have permission to stray and nothing good came of it.

I don't care what anyone else's theory about this phenomena is; the reason I am admitting it is, not to attempt to justify my actions, but to illustrate that few of us are perfect and we can be tempted beyond our ability to stay on the straight and narrow.

.

[Coastocoast]

You are correct nothing good comes from the deception yet so many go to such lengths to hide things. Being straight up with a spouse or your significant other is important. Most that do stray indicate they are not getting what they need at home and offer this as justifications for their actions. If you are honest with your partner and tell them you are not getting what you need at home before you seek outside partners you both can make intelligent informed decisions. Significant others may or may not change to help you with your needs or allow you to see someone else, but if you tell them before you act on it then they can make decisions as well. They can be involved in the process or walk away from the situation allowing you to do as you please. I was cheated on and what hurt was the inability for her to admit what we both knew. Had she been honest with me up front I would have had the option of an open relationship or walking away but after keeping my agreement with someone who was not, it ended our relationship. If you feel justified in seeing someone else why not make that case before acting on it?

[pole_smoker]

You're a hypocrite since you yourself have frequently posted about how you are into cheating and have cheated on women you were married to; but that's not surprising as people who cheat and lie are.

It's best to just be honest with someone who you are in a relationship with and not cheat.

[Annika L]

You're a hypocrite since you yourself have frequently posted about how you are into cheating and have cheated on women you were married to; but that's not surprising as people who cheat and lie are.

It's best to just be honest with someone who you are in a relationship with and not cheat.

Hmmm...can you elaborate on just how he is being hypocritical here, without being circular (i.e., he's hypocritical because he cheated and cheaters are hypocritical)?

I fail to see the hypocrisy in Realist's words above. Just statements of what happened and what came of it.

[marine20]

pole smoker , you're an asshole . nobody wants to hear your crap !!

[BiBedBud]

pole smoker , you're an asshole . nobody wants to hear your crap !!
^^^^
AMEN!

[tenni]

Thanks for sharing your struggle Realist.

I think a question for me is not about judging a person who cheats as a bad person but why does someone feel compelled to label a person who cheats? If you are not directly involved and are not financially or emotionally involved why should it matter to you if a person cheats? That person who cheats may be struggling with their morals. They don't need you name calling them whether they have cheated on their income tax or broken vows. There may be consequences for violating societal norms if caught. There are a lot of cheaters who are not caught and do not face any consequence other than guilt. If they have no guilt, maybe they are a dysfunctional socio path and anyone else 's judgement is not going to bother them. Why waste your energy on condemning others? It might be better spent in counselling sessions to examine your need to condemn others you don't even know or have any financial or emotional connection to.

[Realist]

Maybe I should have been more specific, Tenni.

First, regarding the comments from the contributing 'non-entity' (who has assigned himself to be my and others' conscience) is, and has been, on my ignore list for some time. That person is certainly not my moral guide, nor do I look upon him as a viable subject, worthy of emulation.

Plus, I've never claimed to be a paragon of virtue............like many others, I've struggled to find my way in life and being a slow learner, it's taken longer than it should have.

I was more, or less, thinking out loud....or in writing, when I wrote that 1st post. I'd just had a frustrating conversation with a correspondent, who's been cheating on her husband (No open marriage clause).

I was telling her about bad experiences I had from my own infidelities, regarding the pain it caused and loss of trust, but she apparently will have to learn her own lessons.

Like I did.

[Hypersexual11]

Well, we do love to judge. When you can spew some hate at someone that lives life differently, it makes the haters own pathetic life seem more fulfilled.
Concerning cheating though, since this is an issue that is covered in our life from early on, we see cheating as outside the social norm. When the masses all see something the same way, there is a lot of judgement on those not following the rules.
This is a fairly recent 'education' for the masses. It wasn't that long ago that cheating wasn't a term used. Many men had lovers on the side, many women of the time could appreciate someone taking over some of the responsibilities so she can get something done! But I also have to question a system that drives women to the doctor to be treated for 'hysteria'. Nothing a good fuck wouldn't cure.

[tenni]

bump up due to trolling