My rant... very fusterated and upset. :(

[deletetacount123]

Hi All,

Im am REALLY VERY FUSTERATED right now... I feel like trashing this whole place down!!! (nah, couldn't really but I am attempted!!)

I am sick of OVERPROTECTIVE parents.... honestly, its VERY VERY bad, they don't even care Im 27.

What bothered me is twice every month lately Ive been getting real nasty nightmares where my father has an heart attack and dies.... the kind of love my parents have is very strong so the dream shows her dying shortly after of a broken heart (doesn't help she has MS and Lupus too.)

Well, I have these urges to move somewhere where I could be happier... BC is nice... but my small town is VERY closed minded, Im the ONLY deaf person living here (eldery don't count)
I have tried to apply for jobs, 2 which I caught one saying "Im not hiring her" (gotta love lip reading) and the other I saw tossing my resume in the TRASH yikes how horrible those people are.
It seems other places that i try to join like dance or volunteer says no to me.

I'll much rather live in a town where people are more open minded and Im not the only deaf person there.

So.... I tell my parents right? They get all upset and throw fits saying Im "NOT" moving anywhere!!! What hurt most was they knew how I said Victoria BC felt like home.... and when I suggest me going there for awhile, they decided my ex had a bad influence on me and accussed me of changing and acting just like him!! What?!?!
I like Victoria cause of the history.... wanting to go there has nothing to do with my loveless ex. AND shouldn't you be where you feel "at home" ??
They say I don't know anyone there.... true.... but Im good at meeting people.

My cousin mentioned in a email to me one day about moving in with her and her bf when she got a bigger place... that would be Ontario where I oringally came from..... I love her and the idea lol but knowing my parents it'll be a battle.
I tried to talk to my parents today about exploring other places and they flat out said "we are NOT having this discussion again.." and won't listen.

So what am I do to if my dreams proved real and they die then WHAT DO I DO?!?! sheesh.... don't they realize thats excatly why I need to pull away???
I need to be somewhere happy and all. :)

I know I should be happy to have parents that love me that much but.... this OVER PROTECTIVE is getting way out of hand and Im just not happy.

Hmm I think Im getting all worked up now :( :banghead: <<---- thats what I feel like doing.

Oh boy... any helpful advice... would be nice.
I am surprised the depression demons haven't come out of hiding yet..... cause I do feel then lurking about.

Tasha

[jedinudist]

sometimes, parents can not let go. Especially if their precious child had anything difficult to deal with, as in your case (deafness).

It is frustrating beyond all hell, but... (and I know you don't want to hear this :) )

They love you.

You may have to fly the coop on your own instead of mamma bird and poppa coaxing you out.

Do it with love, tell them how much you appreciate all the wonderful things they do for you, and then go. Show them how this is something you need as part of your own life's path.

And then call them frequently- to tell them you're fine, and how much you love them. And miss them - they love to hear that too :)

[Azrael]

I can totally appreciate where you're coming from, I have a nurse for a mother, and I just found out I'm Bipolar. Overprotective? You betcha. Lately I find myself comforted by thoughts of getting at least on the other end of the county from my family. I'm fine as long as I got some distance between me and them, but now I'm staying with my mom until at least January. Not cool. I was losing my mind the last year with everything starting to fall apart, but I also developed a massive 'be myself and fuck the world if they don't like it' streak. It is this I try to hang on to some sense of, as I'm basically back to living in deep cover. The hardest thing is not being down on myself for being here. I mean, you don't see things like total nervous breakdowns coming but they still have a lot of power to make you feel like shit about yourself. Things will be better after I have my own space. Until then I'm self censoring and living the 24 hour fox news channel. Screw 'em. Let them think I'm strange. It's not really my problem if they choose to live in oblivion. Don't get me wrong, I love my family, I just don't like them very much.

[Reprob8]

I have the oposite problem, I am having to push my daugher into a position where she will have to ask for help. Hopefully she will tonight. Good luck Tasha, just remeber it is your life and eventually they will have to let you lead it but if you wait untill you are 40 to take charge you will have allot of regrets and missed opportunities. You don't have to pick up and move out today but start empowering yourelf and if you stay put let it be your choice.

[littlerayofsunshine]

You have to take your power within yourself sometime. You have to cut the apron strings if they won't. Just do what you dream. You can find a job, move out, and with their love and support be on your own and grow as a person. I know how badly you want to. You are deaf, not parapalegic. You can function just as (if not better you witty sassy thang) than any hearing individual. Let them know how much you love them and how you appreciate everything that they have done and through their love feel that you can do this on your own. ((((((((((hugs Tasha)))))))))

[Haemoglobin]

Tasha hun, why does it matter to you at all what opinion your parents have about you moving away . youre an adult and as such you can move to where ever you wanna move . No one can tell you not to . :tong:

and also , screw people who dont want you cause youre deaf... cause they are stupid , you shouldnt even want them either :mad:

Just let those demons be lurking as much as they want .. youre a strong girl.. you can do it ... so whats exactly my tip ?? äähhm.. move away if thats what you want to do , i wish you luck :three: :three:

[Just_Gem]

Hey Tasha
I know you are upset about your situation right now, but lets turn this into a bit of gratitude first off. Be grateful that your parents do care what happens to you. Too many parents are there for conception and nothing more the rest of their children's lives.

Overprotective parents are common, though, with children that have problems such as yours. Many times it is because they feel guilty about it as though they are responsible for the problem, or at least should have been able to prevent it. Very often this overprotectiveness limits or makes an independent life difficult or even impossible unless the child makes the move to break the "apron strings" and moves away.

I have some friends with parents like that. They are both blind and even though they are married (to each other), have children of their own (1 is an adult himself) and in their 40's their parents still feel like they need "protection" and "help" living their lives, her's especially. They had to move several hours away from their parents to be able to even try to live their lives without constant "help" from their parents, which rightly or wrongly they perceived as interferrance.

You mentioned a cousin that was willing to help you get out on your own. Perhaps this is a way that you can begin the process that will be easier for your parents to let go. If they perceive that you won't actually be alone but that there will be someone there to "help" you, it will be easier for them to let you go. You could use this as a steping stone to real independence.

As for your dreams, it is possible that they are from your deep desire to be free of their parental control and see no way, other than their deaths, to accomplish this under the present circumstances. Don't take this as a guilt thing, as that isn't how it is meant. Perhaps if you can begin the process of planning your "escape" these dreams will go away on their own, as you will begin with that plan to also begin to empower yourself.

Anyway - my :2cents: :2cents: :2cents: :bigrin:

Gemm :flag1:

[blue_hard]

Goodness Tasha!

Don't let the darkness drag you down - rant and vent all you want - but don't hurt yourself!!!!!

K

[Mrs.F]

I understand your situation. I struggle alot with the parent thing. When my grandparents died I was left their farm house....which also happens to be next to my parents house (my mom was an only child and obviously didn't go far from home, she built her house next to her parents house probably because her dad gave her the land to build for free) Also, when I left college my mom got me a temp. job at her employment. It was not to be anything permanant but I loved the job and it had great benefits that I went part time and then full time. I have been there now for 14 yrs. So here I live next to my parents and see my mom daily at work.... :eek: YES, there are days I could scream...many actually! I feel like I have no freedom and she and knows all my business. :disgust: :mad: We won't even go into what Flounder feels about all this....... :offtopic:

All you can do is prove to your parents that you can live on your own and that you appreciate them loving you and trying to protect you (be glad they do, too many kids don't have that) but I think the moving in with your cousin is a good way to get out and your still with family, someone they know and trust. Have a job before you move out. They have to let you move on...your 27 and it's time for you to have your own life. They mean well, but don't realize they are sufficating you. So, one day at a time you can easily prove that you can do this. And I think at age 27, they really don't have a right to tell you now that you CAN"T leave home. You can do whatever you want! (within reason of-course) So I wish you the best of luck! Let us know how things go. ;)

[Mudblood]

I wish I could relate, Tasha! Unfortunately, my gut reaction is the same as Haemo's, and I know that isn't constructive. Love, honour, and respect your parents, but the decision is yours, not theirs.

Your mother's illness is an added complication, though. While you shouldn't let that rule your life, you have to balance it with your own feelings on the matter. If you would feel like you're leaving your parents when they need you, then you need to be true to that and yourself. However, if THEY are using that situation to guilt you into not moving, that's not cool either.

And I have to admit, I'm stunned that in this day and age deafness is still a problem for some people to deal with. It's not as if you've got no arms or legs and are applying for construction jobs! And yeah, lip reading does come in handy, doesn't it? lol

Chin up, babygirl! I know it's a cliche, but listen to your heart, and those around you who care for and support you. Just the fact that you have this internal deabte going on shows you have the moral and mental maturity to get through this situation unscathed!

[Herbwoman39]

(((((((((((((((Tasha))))))))))))))))))

Honey, I know you've got overprotective parents. When I was 12, my Mom wouldn't let me cross a 4 lane road to go spend time with a girlfriend of mine who lived on the other side. I can sympathise.

I have to agree with what the others have said. You gotta go where you feel happy. If you give your parents the power to tell you where you can and cannot live, you're *giving* them control of your life. It's time for you to make your own way in the world. Make the move.

Is there a deaf community in BC? If there is, someone might have some resources for you that would be helpful for you in relocating.

Good luck sweetie.

[julie]

...Tasha,

...I feel for you in your situation so much...

...Yes, of course your parents love you and struggle to let you go....but i have always believed that if you love someone you have to let them go, or they become like a caged creature.....trapped and miserable..

...Otherwise, and in this case your parents,(they) are putting their own needs before yours..and that doesnt come across as very loving at all from where i'm sitting.. what do they want?....for you to hang around until they die and then live in solitude in a town which has no tolerance, let alone acceptance, of either your sexuality or your deafness status, needs or desires?

..this is your life to live Tasha, not theirs... they have lived their lives and may well be nearing death in the next few years or so.... its time to spread your wings girl and fly away to live your own life and experience the highs and lows of independant living....

..every post i read of yours reveals your fiesty, survival spirit Tash... so go on.. use that angry energy to find the resources within yourself to move away and find your own direction...because no-one can know your own direction better than you, no matter what they might believe...

with much love and good wishes to you

julie xxx :female:

[deletetacount123]

Hi All :-)

Thanks for all the replies, I wanted to quote several people like Ive seen some others do but I don;t know how to do that in one message??

Anyway,
Herbwoman - yes theres an deaf community in Vancouver I think....which is about 6 hours from here!! :-) I could go to the city's website and see about that tho.
Thats the best thing with the internet these days... every town/city has an offical webpage hehe

Blue-Hard - Thats a bad thing to say!! :-P If you kill yourself, you are reincarnated to live the excat same life all over again... I don't want that lol
Beside.... its a sin anyway :-)

Haemoglobin and others - Thanks for your encouraging posts :-) I have been getting some ideas and last night I had two big converstations with Driver8 and MrsTaz in PM (sorry to those other PMs I ignored) and both made me feel tons better about some things.
My parents do always expect me to answer them on the computer (AIM messenger) or my blackberry... and while I do try to answer, it does drive me crazy lol Oh well. One of these days I will move away from this closed mind town :-) I'll still come and visit my parents often... they have to know I would!! :-)
Right now Im kinda online dating :-) But my parents aren't gonna know about that till months later. lol As much as they would like to know about who I chat with, some things are just better to be kept private for now. :-)
First step Im learning is I don't have to tell them EVERYTHING.
Second step, be very stubborn and keep trying to apply for jobs around here.
Third step... prove I can do things on my own perfectly fine. :-)

LittleRay - do you realize that ever since you said you shoot sunshine beams from your breasts, you make me smile when I think of that? lol Wow, the moment I typed that the sun came out of the clouds here..... *wonders if LittleRay is even human* hehe

Talk to you all later and thanks for all the supports and advice and suggestions.... if someone can teach me how to quote several people in the same message, please PM me!! :-)

Now Im off to go outside and enjoy the sun that the immortal littlerayofsunshine casted lol

Tasha

[prettycolors]

OMG how old are you? I read in another thread you are supposed to bring every date home to your folks, [still living w them?!!!!!] so I thought, well she must be 16 or younger, she should be banned coz this is a forum for adults. And then you write your age... wake up grl, cut the umbilical cord!

Sorry for being harsh, plz just get your butt outta there!

[Mrs. Taz]

tasha, who ever you want to quote click the quote button at the bottom of what they said and it will put what they said with what you want to say in your reply. :)

[Mrs. Taz]

I am so glad I/we made you smile last night. keep smiling sweetie, and I wanted to let you know what I said last night in pm I meant every word of. :)

[deletetacount123]

Prettycolors - Im 27 and live about 10 mins away.... but my parents think every person online could be a bad person and want to meet them too to make sure that person is not going to harm me.... they got that way cause of the horribly bullying I had to go through in school.
But you know, meeting someone you met online in person is pretty much the same as walking into a new town, strange stores and have total strangers talking to you at once. Which is worse??
I would pick the strangers in a store cause online you at least know some things about the person your going to meet... if you get good vibes and feelings then that person must be a safe person.

From now on, Im just NOT going to tell them if I meet someone online in person.... I can say "Im going to the mall for awhile" (if we're meeting there) or some other public area but they don't really need to know why.
They'll be upset at me afterwards but what is the differences??? You can stand in the middle of a busy mall and theres all kinds of strangers around, including rapists, murders and drug addicts lol

Do I talk to strangers? yes I do... especially if the sales girl starts small talking or the eldery women behind me in line waiting, or a tourtist assuming Im a local askes me where something is. :-) Or the cutest baby dropped its toy from his stoller, the mom not paying attention, I pick it up and hand it back and get a "thanks" smile from the mom. :-)

At least online, you still get to know the person so its not REALLY a stranger. lol I have met 6 people off the internet... 4 was acceptable to have to have my parents be with me to meet them cause I was a minor and still under 21 (according to them.. minor till 21) The other 2 put up with it but felt odd and you could tell. :-(
The next ones I meet will be without them knowing!! They will just know where I will be thats it (mall, tim hortons...etc)

Tasha

[taz67156]

Hey Tasha,
Its hard to do alot of things when you have parents that are very overprotective but they might think that they are doing it for your own good when its going to make you distant from them and they won't realize it until later on.
The town that your living in right now I can agree its not fair that nobody will hire you because of being deaf so I really understand how you feel and its good that you can read lips to have found out what that person was going to do but the least they could have done was give you a chance to show that you can do anything you set your mind too.
You have a very strong heart and don't let people take you forgranted cause they are the ones that don't see you for who you really are, each time that I chat with you online in some way I learn alittle more about you and I wish you all the best and you are at the age that your parents need to let you get out here in the real world to live your own life, its not easy out here there is times that I wish that I wasn't out here yet but I am and also happily married to kitten and wouldn't want to change anything now cause of the love I've got for her.
Last night in the chat when kitten and I offered you a place here with us we wasn't joking about it and the offer stand anytime you want to take it we are doing this cause we care and want to see you make it out here cause we know in our hearts that you can do anything that you set your mind to doing.

your friend,
taz67156

P.S. if I think of more to say I'll add it at that time but think this might be enough for now lol

[Mrs. Taz]

awww taz, thankyou baby.......I Love you. I know that had nothing to do with what your needing help with tasha but I wasnt expecting taz to say something like that...almost made me cry. :) happy tears though.

[happyjoe68]

tash ...

we think you're great ...

that cheeky little smile of yours ...

will open many doors ...

[deletetacount123]

tash ...

we think you're great ...

that cheeky little smile of yours ...

will open many doors ...

:) Thanks Happyjoe..... Im so obessed with the smiles :) hehe

And Taz/MrsTaz - Thanks!! Will talk to you both later tonight :)

[Mrs. Taz]

yw sweetie, cant wait. :)

[Avocado]

Over protective or under protective? They way them employers treated you they deserve a broken jaw for. If your parents think you need protecting they should be giving them cunts an earful, if they think you need to stand on your own 2 feet, they shouldn't be trying to stop you.

[happyjoe68]

:) Thanks Happyjoe..... Im so obessed with the smiles :) hehe

And Taz/MrsTaz - Thanks!! Will talk to you both later tonight :)

And why not? You've got a cheeky face