My boyfriend is bisexual.. and I am a straight female

[lolalola]

ok so my boyfriend and I have been dating for almost a year, and he just came out to me as bisexual. He said he's been having feelings for a while but pushed them away because he was ashamed of it. I love him just the way he is, and support him for who he is. He has only told me. I feel absolutely terrible for him feeling like he has to hide this part of him. He is afraid his family will judge him and he won't be able to do sports anymore. He's scared of God, even though I tell him that God made him bisexual on purpose, and God only makes wonderful people, not junk. I'm also scared that as a woman I won't be able to satisfy him physically and emotionally as a man would. I know he loves me but I'm scared that he is not going to be happy with me being a girl and all. He has never experimented with another guy, and says he never will. I feel so bad for him and don't know what to do. Help!

[Gearbox]

With a name like that, it's hard to take you seriously Lolalola.lol :tongue:
But lets just suppose you're bad at thinking up names.

He's ashamed of himself, scared of his family, God, and probably his future too. Yet he confides all this to you, and you are scared that you as a woman won't be able to make him happy? I think you've done quite a bit for him so far.
No, you can't give him what a man could. What that is, may become very important to him in the future, but it won't make him feel any differently about you. It won't make you less important to him, and may make you more so.

What you have to consider is IF he'll want to explore his sexual attraction to other men, could you understand it?
Would you be secure enough with him, to allow it? Would he be helping you through it as much as you help him?
Communication and mutual understanding is vital.

That's IF it comes to that. He has a lot of issues to deal with, and that may take a long time. Maybe years. With someone like you to support him he may get through those a lot quicker and easier.
But if you fear it, you won't do him or you any good at all.

[semibi]

I was tempted to reply to this. But, it seemed potentially trollish, perhaps from the name. Anyway, Gear, I appreciate that you took the time. Someone could benefit from these points, if not lolalola. And, while my experience is far different from yours, Gear, I concur with all your comments.

[Long Duck Dong]

ok so my boyfriend and I have been dating for almost a year, and he just came out to me as bisexual. He said he's been having feelings for a while but pushed them away because he was ashamed of it. I love him just the way he is, and support him for who he is. He has only told me. I feel absolutely terrible for him feeling like he has to hide this part of him. He is afraid his family will judge him and he won't be able to do sports anymore. He's scared of God, even though I tell him that God made him bisexual on purpose, and God only makes wonderful people, not junk. I'm also scared that as a woman I won't be able to satisfy him physically and emotionally as a man would. I know he loves me but I'm scared that he is not going to be happy with me being a girl and all. He has never experimented with another guy, and says he never will. I feel so bad for him and don't know what to do. Help!

hi and welcome to the site.......

ok lets help you to help him work thru a few of the issues.....

without knowing the nature of the belief in god, it can be a lil hard to work with some people, but you need to come at it from the angle of why does he fear god.... what is it that causes him to fear...... much of the things in the bible about homosexuality are written as part of the old testament, that ended when jesus came to earth and now it stands that belief in jesus and the blood of christ will wash away all the sins.... so its more about a personal relationship with jesus that is something that needs to be at the forefront for a christian..... the old ways are clung to by people that still use religion ( man goes to another man for absolution rather than jesus ) and christianity ( man stands equal with man and they go to jesus for guidance, answers and understanding )..... christ came to earth to set man free to turn to or away from god by choice.....

I am not a christian btw.... but I have some friends that are LGBT christians and strong in their belief and faith in jesus without feeling the condemnation of religious belief, just the freedom of christian belief......

your partner will be able to do sports still, and the judgement of his family is possible, but that is where your partner needs to decide what is it he wants... does he want acceptance from other people and for them to tell him that he is a normal person and that the way he is feeling, is fine ? because thats not a good way to do it, he needs to learn to settle within himself as acceptance can take a short or a long time..... so finding the middle ground in himself is important.....

now.... this is most important.....you may be a female but that does not mean that you are left out in the cold just because you are a woman... a woman can be more than just a woman to some guys... the use of sex toys can be like a bridge to some guys and a very enjoyable experience for both people.... and that is going to take communication between you both and a understanding...... he may want to experiment with somebody he trusts, and that can help him get a better understanding of what he may want, need and desire.....

there are singles and couples that talk about pegging, its the use of a strapon or feeldoe during sex... and for some guys, its nice, tho they still desire some male contact as well.... but for newbies, it can be a very helpful start to expanding their sexual interactions as both partners can play a part in the sex.... a woman can experience what it may be look from a males point of view and your partner ( if he is interested in oral and anal play ) can gain a bit of experience as well.... including the fact that using a strapon can help him get used to the idea of anal penetration.... because its a lot easier with a person you trust, to slowly spread your wings, than a inexperienced fumble and grope with a stranger and finding that its not really want he wants......

in a sense, its true that its hard for a woman to take the place of a man physically and emotionally... but for a lot of males, they do want the contact with a partner, because you are the partner they have and love, the sexual contact with another male can be just that, sexual.... or it can be more.... and for some of us, equal sexual and emotional, physical contact is very important, bascially a closed or open relationship or even a triad ( 2 males and a female or two females and a male ).....

the key is that the journey is not all about him, its about you both as you are holding his hand and the experiences that you both can learn and share are valuable to each of you in their own way..... and while you may not be able to satisfy him 100% of the time ( same for him satisfying you ) its the times that people can make us feel like we are the only people in the world that can be loved and cared about so much by them, that helps us thru the times that there are the grey areas when they need something we can not give them......

talk with him about what he is ashamed of and turn it into a positive..... if he is ashamed of wanting to hug and kiss another male.... there are many people that would long for a hug or to give a hug to another male ( sexually or otherwise ) and it does not happen, your partner would be able to do that and that could be a healing hug in the life of another person....
there are cultures where a hug and a kiss on the cheek is normal, regardless of the sexuality... somebody that is open to the option of doing that, is well recieved in many places.....and is he not showing the same love and caring that jesus showed for his fellow man and woman ?

hugs you both

[tenni]

ok so my boyfriend and I have been dating for almost a year, and he just came out to me as bisexual. He said he's been having feelings for a while but pushed them away because he was ashamed of it. I love him just the way he is, and support him for who he is. He has only told me. I feel absolutely terrible for him feeling like he has to hide this part of him. He is afraid his family will judge him and he won't be able to do sports anymore. He's scared of God, even though I tell him that God made him bisexual on purpose, and God only makes wonderful people, not junk. I'm also scared that as a woman I won't be able to satisfy him physically and emotionally as a man would. I know he loves me but I'm scared that he is not going to be happy with me being a girl and all. He has never experimented with another guy, and says he never will. I feel so bad for him and don't know what to do. Help!

Gear has given you some good points to consider. This is his journey. It is your choice whether you travel along with him. Right now he is saying that he doesn't want to experiment with another man. He is dealing with a lot of social taboo and perhaps some self loathing. It is good that you are pointing out the good points.

The probability is that he will want to experiment with men eventually. Whether that is now or twenty years from now no one can predict. It is possible to have a loving relationship with him and keep an open mind about his attraction to other men. I would suggest that he explore m2m sex before your relationship gets too involved with kids and things. You are not presently married. He can be completely in love with you and still have a physical need to be with another man. The need factor varies. There is a Kinsey scale and a Klein scale Look into those terms. Bisexuality is not clearly understood but many of us on this site and scientists acknowledge the fluidity of attraction in bisexuals. Some bisexuals can have no interest in same sex play for quite awhile while other bisexuals can have a swing that goes far to only women or only men. That switch can happen rapidly and especially when the bisexual is just learning to accept their sexuality. Do not think for a minute if he says that he doesn't want to have sex with a man and repeats it for years that somewhere around 40, his sexual need for m2m sex comes forward very strongly and especially if he has not acted on his sexual attraction before then.

What you can do is keep an open dialogue. Discuss far in advance what the boundaries of his sexual play with another man might be. Do you want to be present? Do you want to meet the man? Do you not want to know any of the details? Different women have different expectations and even though they think one way will work when it happens they can change their mind. It is your own self confidence and acceptance of his sexuality that will play a role in how you feel. What precautions will you expect him to take to keep yourself safe? Some bisexual men want their female mates with them while others want to do it on their own. The complexity of self doubt and even shame that he is feeling is all tied up in societal taboo about masculinity and m2m sex. He is probably very confused. Be available for discussions. If he goes behind your back, it may be his deep fears and the communication has broken down rather than he doesn't love you. It is good that he has begun the dialogue with you. If both of you feel safe and accepted, you can have a great relationship.

What he gets from you, no man can provide. What he gets from another man, you can not provide. He is bisexual and not a monosexual (heterosexual or homosexual). Monosexual lifestyle usually will not create a happy bisexual. It can lead to serious depression and even suicide. Bisexual women are more prone to thoughts of suicide followed by bisexual men. They are both far more more prone to thoughts of suicide and depression than gays/lesbians. Repression and denial of sexuality can hurt.

Some men do enjoy pegging but not all bisexual men want to be penetrated. Not all bisexual men want to be pegged by a female. Some want the real thing..a penis attached to a male body. It is through dialogue that he will come to terms and with you figure this out. If his self doubts are so deep and intertwined with religion he may need counselling from a bisexual positive therapist. Do not have him go to a religious based therapist.

[lookn4fun64]

Nicely explained Tenni. These circumstances are for both partners to negotiate so both agree on the parameters and acceptance of the those terms. I applaud you for your openness of the discussion, your compassion of your partners feelings, your honesty. Pretty rare in todays' culture.

This topic becomes a very personal decision like many other topics discussed here. Good luck with your process of decision making.