BONDAGE / GENDER

[zenn7]

I HAVE A SECRET FETISH THAT IS THOROUGHLY ENTWINED IN MY SEXUALITY. IT GOES BACK TO PRE ADOLESCENT MASTURBATION ITS THE THOUGHT OF A FEMALE TYING MY HANDS ABOVE MY HEAD, LETTING MY JEANS DROP AND THEN GIVING ME A GOOD STRAPPING. I AM BISEXUAL. BUT, THE THOUGHT OF A MALE DOING THIS TO ME DOES NOTHING FOR ME ... NO HOT ARROUSAL LIKE THE THOUGHT OF A WOMAN BEATING ME. SINCE ITS THE EARLIEST SEXUAL ARROUSAL IN MY LIFE I OFTEN WONDER ABOUT IT BUT CANT IMAGINE THE ORGIN...CAN ANY GUYS RELATE?

[Realist]

I've heard of this phenomena, but never experienced it myself.

My first introduction was a Swiss lover in military school. (I was 14, he was 12) He told me he was raised by a very stern German nanny. She would pull his lederhosen down to spank his naked bottom with her bare hand, for the tiniest infractions of "the rules". At first, he'd cry and scream; the pain was severe!

Then one day, while he was being spanked, his little cock got hard as he laid across her ample legs. The more she'd spank, the more he'd thrust his cock against her leg! He'd concentrate on the pleasure his cock gave him, to forget about the pain. Soon, he was doing things just to get into trouble, so he could have the feeling again. He said he was only about 8, when he had his first orgasm, that way! Surely the woman could feel his rock-hard cock pressing into her leg, but she revealed that she did. He used to ask me to spank him, but I wasn't into causing anyone pain...just couldn't hit him hard enough.

Another male lover, many years later, could only get aroused after having anal sex. My cock was too small for him, so I had to use a large rubber dildo on him to generate an erection. He had been raped by a relative for several years. This abuser used physical threats and fear of being found out, to keep him quiet, while almost daily raping him. At first, he was in tremendous pain and fear of retribution. But, over the course of time, he began to like it......then he began craving anal sex. Strangely, once his abuser learned that the boy was enjoying the raping, he lost interest and quit doing it! The bad thing was, my friend had this huge desire for rough anal sex, but the source had then dried up!

There's a technical word for this, but I can't remember it right now. (The Swiss boy above, Patty Hearst, and some captives have the same type of compulsions....they learn to love something that began as trauma)

I wonder if you might have experienced some kind of the same abuse, but have forgotten it? Could your mind have closed that chapter, while leaving you with the desire?

I'm no doctor, never played one on TV, but it sounds plausible to me.

[elian]

You mean stockholm syndrome Realist? That's sort of what my first experience was like - not with spanking or pain, but the boy was abusive and after a while I sort of imagined myself in a submissive role and liked it. I'm not into pain, and I'm not always submissive now, but I do get satisfaction from it when it happens.

[the sacred night]

I have a similar sort of fetish as zenn7, being dominated by a woman and only by a woman. In my case, it's easy to determine the origin. I have a lot of sexual assault survivors in my family, and all of them are females who were abused by males. A male dominating a female just hits too close to those real tragedies that have devastated people I love, and it is more scary to me than sexy. On the other hand, the idea of a woman dominating me is not loaded with all of that. I don't feel that I'm being subjugated because I'm a woman in that case, so it doesn't feel like an outrage and I can enjoy it.

[Realist]

My GF had a similar incident, in her teens. She was dating an abusive, sadistic, fellow who felt women were his personal punching bags.

With me, she is very innovative and uninhibited........but bondage, or any kind of aggressive behavior is definitely not attractive to her. Those things have never been appealing to me, anyway.

A vicious person, like that boyfriend, can induce lasting physical and mental trauma, just like Sacred Night experienced.

Bullies often get their due, however.

After a family friend noticed bruises on my GF's neck and a split lip, she told him how she got them. The friend, (A fire-fighter, weight-lifter, and marshal artist) caught the boyfriend, one night, and gave him some intensive instruction in how to treat a lady! After that, the boyfriend decided it'd be best if they dissolved their relationship!

[CurEUs_Male]

I have some of the same fantasies. A 'FemDom' using me sexually, even forcing bisexual acts with other males, but when it comes to considering a male in the Dom role... not so much. It still excites me, but not the same - no trauma in my past, just a fantasy that has been rooted in my sub-conscience for a very long time. Will it ever come to be? I don't think the stars look like they will align from where I am today... ever hopeful though.

[zigzig]

I have a fantasy of a dominant woman seducing me. But the difference with males is that I like them being little more aggressive. I sometimes ask my husband to scratch or bite me. Spanking isn't for me.

[robert4friends]

I do think it is strange at all. I enjoy different genders for different activities. My fantasies are not the same for women and men. When I wake up with sexual dreams they are not about the same things. I did let a guy spank me once because he asked and it was something that made him hot. Did nothing for me even though I enjoyed the sting. I am kind of a pain slut, anybody is welcome to do it. When a woman does it I have a lot of emotions and erotic notions that just do not happen with guys. I came to the understanding with myself years ago that I am perfect just like I am. The only reason people look for explanations and labels is because they feel they need fixed. You don't need fixed. You just need to enjoy who you are.

I really get into the Femdom fantasy too. The strange thing is I have a hard time with her making me do something I am already eager, willing and begging for already. It is hard to act like a submissive when I would command a woman to do the same things when I am the Dom in the situation. So I guess I top from the bottom more often than not. The right woman does flip the switch though. I just have not met one in many years.

[elian]

I'm glad he decided to move on - frankly if you are overly insecure, bullying or vindictively abusive you don't deserve to be in a relationship with another human being until you fix your OWN issues.

There are certain behaviors that remind me of bad situations I have experienced in the past. Thank goodness I had void in my life to teach me what a gentleman truly is. He's kind of quiet but he has a huge heart.

A few times guys have done stuff like drinking until they slur their words that have really turned me off - of course they can't quite figure out what happened when I was into them just a few minutes ago. I have to try to explain to them that I liked them BEFORE they started drinking and now playtime is over until they sober up. There's nothing quite like when one person is horny and the other is not...dishonesty is also a huge turn off for me.



After a family friend noticed bruises on my GF's neck and a split lip, she told him how she got them. The friend, (A fire-fighter, weight-lifter, and marshal artist) caught the boyfriend, one night, and gave him some intensive instruction in how to treat a lady! After that, the boyfriend decided it'd be best if they dissolved their relationship!

[cuttin2dachase]

I've never been into a bdsm lifetyle, but I do enjoy dom/sub roleplay (as dom) with women and men. I have found this type of sexplay very erotic and fun with both sexes, but also found that bi men tend to be much more submissive and kinky than women.