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View Full Version : Was he more than a best friend?



demac
Oct 17, 2013, 12:02 AM
Hey everyone. I just came out as bisexual to my girlfriend recently and though she's not exactly comfortable with it she's said she'll learn to deal with it. We're on the rocks right now (not because of my sexuality) and it got me to thinking of an old co-worker/best friend of mine ok....

(This is long)
I've pondered every now and then as to whether if he had a thing for me or not and I often wonder "what could have been..." here's some things that made me wonder...

1.) He ALWAYS followed me everywhere, we often went out to lunch together, several times he would try to adjust his schedule so he would end up working the whole day with me
2.) He texted me all the time and told me his girlfriend was starting to get mad at him for texting me a lot, I think at one point she thought me and him were fooling around as I overheard a phone conversation he had with her
3.) There was this girl I liked and he made it a point to flirt with her in front of me like he was trying to make me jealous
4.) Another girl I liked he was playing around with her saying "I know someone who likes you, he's real good looking and has a twinkle in his eye and eligible"
5.) Got mad at me for no reason (at least he didn't tell me why) and didn't talk to me for weeks, then when he found out I was leaving the job he acted as if nothing happened and then on my last day got mad at me again and didn't even say goodbye to me
6.) A couple of times he went out to smoke and instead of wearing his jacket, he grabbed mine and wore it.
7.) Had an opportunity to get a ride home from a girl who would have boinked him but he instead chose to ride home with me.
8.) His girlfriend woke him up out of his sleep one time to ask him a question and half asleep he responded by saying my name.
9.) We bickered constantly and people would always tell us we were like a married couple, one time someone was giving me a hard time and he interfered and said "you better leave my b*tch alone!" after that he realized what he said and his face got all red
10.) he would go through phases where he was really close to me and seemed to enjoy my company then go through a phase where he would be kind of distant and withdrawn
11.) We could sit and talk and laugh for HOURS
12.) He would act real manly and macho in front of other guys but when it would just be me and him he would go into a woman-like state where he was real sensitive and get on a personal level
13.) I was on a date (which he knew about) and kept texting me all throughout the date and I even had to step outside at one point because he was starting to call me.
(There's so much more but I've already babbled enough)

Now here's some things that didn't make me wonder:
1.) One time a girl asked me and him for a hug and it turned into a group hug but then he backed away and said to me "I ain't hugging you!", another time he got sick and threw up and I patted his back and he got mad and said "don't touch me!"
2.) He constantly talked to me about girls he slept with and would describe it in graphic detail
3.) Had/still has a girlfriend
4.) After I left that job I only heard from him a few times and he'll act like he wants to get together then I'll never hear from him afterwards.

He's the only guy I've thought of being with and willingly would be with so I don't know if this is my mind getting the best of me or what. I try to forget him all the time but it's so useless especially when he's contacting me every other 6 months and when I go through phases where I dream of him constantly.

Mickbi
Oct 17, 2013, 1:59 AM
To me, it sounds like he was definately more than a best friend. If you have any strong feelings for him, i would at least let him know and see where it goes from there. Good luck

elmwood7
Oct 17, 2013, 6:47 AM
Yeah it sounds like he was more than a best friend. It sounds like he is conflicted over being bi or not being bi and unsure of what to do. I agree with Mick I think you should talk to him if you feel you want a relationship of some kind with him.

tenni
Oct 17, 2013, 9:42 AM
I think one of the most important lines in your post is point 4 where you state that since you left the job where he works that you have had little contact with him. He says that he wants to get together but doesn't. It does read as he made statements that you now question but the fact is there. He seems to have been a work related friendship as the common connection. He has moved on with his life. You might invite him one more time to do something or that you need to talk to him in person. If he is evasive and doesn't get together with you, there is no reason to disclose your sexual/emotional attraction to him. I suspect that you have overanalysed his behaviour towards you.

by~his~side
Oct 17, 2013, 3:39 PM
Hi Demac, I had a same sex best friend like that and the behavior sounds VERY similar. She'd use other people to make me jealous. She'd not talk to me for several days and never give me a reason for the silent treatment. If I were visiting a different friends house I'd see her pass by the house of that friend several times during the afternoon. It was very frustrating and exhausting.

But.....we were in 6th grade.
It sounds like he is as full of drama and as egocentric as a preteen girl.
Raise the bar, Demac. You can do better.

~D~

demac
Oct 17, 2013, 11:09 PM
I suspect that you have overanalysed his behaviour towards you.

That's actually what I wanted to hear LOL. I'm trying my best to move on from him and not think of him but (like the song) there's always something there to remind me. He used to live right around the corner from me so whenever I drive by his old house I think of him, I'll pass one of the restaurants or bars we always used to go to I'll think of him, etc.

tony282003
Oct 19, 2013, 10:18 PM
He demac, your former co-worker kind of sounds like me. I most definitely think he had/has a thing for you. I don't know if he has moved on with his life as someone else suggested. I'd bet he still thinks of you as much as you do of him. So he has girlfriends - lots of men do - and still those same men lust after another man.

I think he really liked you - and probably not just sexually, but in many other ways. He just sounds conflicted to me.

Why not contact him and tell him that you recently came out to your girlfriend as bi and that you need a friend to talk to you can trust. I bet he doesn't blow off a meeting that time! Showing him that you're vulnerable could help the two of you to get on the same page!

whispering
Oct 22, 2013, 11:02 PM
I think that if he's attracted, he doesn't really know it, and being too blunt might backfire on you. I agree to give him one more contact to see if he's interested now that you are not at the workplace. It might take a few more meetings with you dropping hints for an attraction to gel in his mind (or pants), so be patient and go easy. One good test is to find something in the gossip news and run it by him, like "Hey, did you see that Al Gore came out as bisexual--isn't that outrageous??" See what he has to say about it.