How hard was it for you to go through with your first encounter?

[theyoungandcurious]

I'm 20 years old and I've been curious about being with another guy and exploring my sexuality for about a year now.. I'm always talking to guys online and stuff but I never go through with meeting up wirh them...
I've met up with one guy and he gave me a blowjob and it was the best head o have ever gotten.. He made me cum in about 5 minutes. I went through with it because he kinda pushed me towards meeting him, does that mean what I want is a more dominant man?
I really do want to hangout with another man but I never find it in me to meet up because I get too nervous about it.

Any tips on getting over the nerves? Anything I can do to make it easier for me to actualy meet up and explore my bi side?

[MtnMan]

Start by going to public places in and around LA where you are with other folks of like mind. When you feel like you belong in a community, relationships, from casual to more permanent, usually follow.

[Realist]

My first time was outstanding!

I mowed a yard for an older retired fellow, who was very gentle and open. Over a period of time, I asked him questions about sexuality and my attraction for both genders. (Things I could never reveal to my family)

He taught me about being considerate, discreet, and concerned about anyone I'd be intimate with. He was also attracted to both genders and when I was ready, he gave me my first orgasm by sucking me off. He never did anything I felt apprehensive about.

I spent most of the summer with him and learned so much about myself and others, too.

[olmizzou42]

With an 8th grade classmate, doing the "I'll show you mine if you'll show me yours" thing that I had done many times with both boys and girls, it seemed perfectly natural when he said, "I'll take a bite of yours, if you'll take a bite of mine." I told him okay if he went first. As soon as I felt his hot, wet mouth on my hard cock I knew I wanted to taste his. I loved it! Still do!

[callig77]

I would think it is natural to feel a bit of apprehension on your first... and even your first several encounters. For me, part of the interest is that'nervous excitement' that you experience.

One tip I would give is, be smart and heed that nervousness. If meeting someone for the first time, meet in a public place ... if you want to do something more, you can always go someplace more private.

[elian]

My "first" time was sort of forced on me - so we won't count that one, what I found disturbing wasn't loving men at all - I loved loving men, I loved sharing pleasure. What was bad was the self-loathing that I felt afterwards. Feeling guilt that I was happy with men, and frustration that I could spend a night, or a weekend - very happy - only to have to go back into the closet again the next week for work.

It took a long time for me to get over that. What helped was knowing at least one man genuinely loved me for who I was. Also, I eventually learned that I could either admit that I like men and be happy, or I could continue to do what I think it took to meet other people's expectations - but be miserable on my own inside. Coincidently, what you think are other people's opinions, and what those opinions are in reality may be two different things. I still love pleasing people (not just with sex) - but now I do it because I want to, and I still keep my own happiness in mind where before I was living mostly to please others.

You asked "does that mean I want a dominate man?"

You haven't enough experience to answer that question. The first gay "date" I went on I specifically picked someone much older than I was BECAUSE I was unsure of my feelings and I wanted someone with experience, it was reassuring. As you get more experience feel out what you like and don't like for yourself. Eventually you will know if you like it or not and to what degree.

On the other hand, the idea of two boys who don't know what they want just feeling things out sounds like it would be fine too. Just understand that the real world isn't porn - I wish I had the stamina to do some of the things I see on those videos, the mind is willing, but the body doesn't always cooperate..and hopefully you have found a person who is patient that you feel you can trust.

If you don't have any experience one night stands can be educational too, but for me I grew to understand that I didn't like the feeling of having to leave in the morning. As corny as it sounds, sex to me has always been a gift that I share with others - not just a physical exercise.

Sense of ease with self-image comes from experience. At some point you will fail in life , I guarantee it because we ALL do, but failure isn't the end of the world - the important thing is trying and learning..and growing - always remember that you are still loved no matter what.

I am still not out to everyone, but my immediate family knows, I mean - if the US President and the Pope say not to judge gay people - that meant a lot to me.

Dating advice?

When I first started dating man or woman I would try very hard not to have any preconceived notions of how the date would go, what my partner would look like, the things we would do together, etc. If you don't have any expectations then it is hard to be disappointed. I tried to go with an open mind and a loving attitude. At the very least I got to enjoy a nice meal with a friend.

The other obvious things with online dating 101 - try to get to know the person as much as possible. If they participate in a discussion forum read their posts, call them on the phone, chat or cam.. If you feel comfortable agree to meet in a public place for a meal or coffee shop... If you really know the person maybe go to a movie, I went to meet someone for a walk at a local nature sanctuary but if you do that make sure there are other people around just in case. We walked, and it was obvious we liked each other, by that time it was getting dark so we said good night. I ended up going back to his house on a subsequent date because it was more private there.

..and please, for sanity's sake - if you are nervous, text and tell the person you are meeting, if you don't think you can make it, make a simple apology. There's nothing quite like going some place to meet someone and they just never show up.

Remember that on a blind date all people have the nervous feelings you have, even straight people - it is scary putting yourself out there and making yourself vulnerable but I tell you that I have always learned SOMETHING of value from every attempt. As far as lovers go, even when things didn't quite work out the way I had hoped I have never regretted caring for another person.


At 18-20 years old - you should probably do some exploring of your own body, mind and spirit too if you are curious about things like anal sex, etc. It's not for everyone, you don't HAVE to like anal sex to be bi or gay - but a lot of people do. If you aren't going to use a condom then only do things with a low risk of getting infected. Maybe try kissing if your partner likes that. Mutual masturbation can be fun. But depending on the guy and what you want - you may just want a friend first.

It's amazing when two people just "click", there is chemistry and you don't have to say many words but if that doesn't happen then be sure that you can communicate at least a little bit about what you want - if you like something let your partner know, if you don't like something let them know that too. Anal play doesn't feel very pleasant at first (unless you are horny like crazy).. If I am hurting my partner I want to know, because the whole idea (at least in my mind) is to share pleasure and love. Some people like pain. Some people do enjoy being submissive or dominant - there are plenty of folks with different interests out there.

[Coastocoast]

LA Sucks. You can go to a place with "like minded" people that are bisexual but finding one looking for the same thing as you is difficult. I have looked and in the first 30 seconds after Hello you hear that great pickup line; "You'll do. Lets go fuck." I lose interest, they move on and find someone that will oblige them which is OK and I am left looking. I am after a person who wants to hang with, get together first have it evolve into an ongoing friendship with some benefits.

[Pseudolous]

I read lots of bi web sites, discussed trying mm activites with several people online, (I was open about my uncertainty). After a couple of years of this somebody contacted me on a chat site and asked me to come over and blow him. I just decided that it was time to "shit or get off the pot." I didn't give myself time to think about it and maybe have second thoughts. I was at his place in 20 minutes, and on my knees with his cock in my mouth in 21. I sucked him and swallowed. He knew it was my first time and was surprised that I actually swallowed, but I really wanted the whole experience. I enjoyed it and want to keep sucking cock, and maybe even try more, but in the interest of safety I am now looking for a regular, maybe somebody I can service weekly.

Trust your gut feelings. If it makes you nervous don't do it. If you are sure it is nerves and it looks interesting, push yourself to try something, maybe like me you will come away happy that you did.

[centillini]

mine happen in a threeway with a guy and his wife. I just got done doing her, and she said she wanted to see her hubby blow me. I sat back and was little nervous, but soon as he licked my dick was hot. Seeing her playing with herself and him working my cock made me blow, was so hot.

[BareProf]

As a pre-puberty boy there had been lots of showing each other our cocks, rubbing them, caressing the balls but the idea of cock sucking never came up. Well, we were 11 and 12! Going into college I somehow knew I wanted to suck cock. I had read lots of cheap paperback porn, seen many fine nude guys in the gym showers but did not know how to approach it. Instead at the start of my last semester a female grad assistant seduced me. I was easy picking. We fucked three different times and of course those times are permanently engraved in my brain. Flash forwards to grad school at 26, my own apartment, nice car, I wanted cock and masturbated while looking at male nudist magazines. There was no Internet but there were swinger newsletters. I subscribed and hit on a guy my age living near and sent my phone number. He called on a Thursday night and we made small talk, revealing each of our minimal sexual successes with gals but he had met with a guy for mutual blow jobs the preceeding summer. I invited him over. I was so excited I must have jerked off three times that night. When he arrived the next night we quickly undressed and sat on the sofa, our hands on each other's cock. I invited him to bed, got between his legs and sucked ass though I had done it many times. As orgasm approached he shouted, "I'm gonna cum!" meaning to me to finish him with my hand. I replied, "I want to swallow your cum," and did so. He literally filled my mouth. So.... it was not hard for me to go through with my first encounter!

[justafella]

My first experience was with a young man that I met thru a personal ad in a local paper, pre-internet, lol. I didn't feel awkward about it at all since I had been thinking about doing it to expand my sexual pleasure at the time. It was enjoyable but I didn't do anything else with a guy for 20 years.

[jamieknyc]

My first time, the morning before I was nervous as hell, but I felt calmer by the time I met him. I did feel a little funny actually doing it, but I told myself not to chicken out.

The second time is much easier.

[chicagom]

.....and then a spaceship landed....and then.......

[jem_is_bi]

My first time was when I was maybe 5 years old and convinced another boy to have sex. So, that was easy for me. The next time, I was 58 years old and it was better than easy. It was wonderful.

[kenjacks51]

I tend to agree with the other posters who say that you should take our time and not rush into anything or allow yourself to be pushed into anything. I;d suggest finding an older experienced guy who will take the time and have the patience to move slowly and break yo in over a period of time rather than in the first encounter. Taking things a step at a time gives you time between get togethers to ponder what happened, what you liked and did not like and to Gage your own feelings about this giant step in your life. There is no turning back once you have crossed the line and even as it is, these needs that you feel are not going to go away. They are what they are and you are who and what you are and we do not seem to get any choice in these matters. Not all guys feel the desires that you do but what is important is that you feel these needs and sooner or later, chances are pretty good that at some point in your life, you will act on them. Some guys resist the urges but I am not that strong and turned about three years ago.

As for finding a guy to teach and train you, I'd suggest that you seek out someone who is stable and has his life together and will be happy with an exclusive relationship with you. Generally speaking, guys in long term marriages would be my first choice because he will be discreet and he will be very concerned about health and safety. A guy like that will be clean, d/d free and being older, he will know better than to rush things and he will take his time with you. Meet him for coffee a couple of times and if he is respectful at all towards you, he will spend time with you just getting to know you and giving you time to become familiar with him and begin to develop trust. There is nothing better than being intimate with someone who you not only respect, but who you know that you can trust.

I seem to detect a trend with bi guys and that is that many of them are in fact submissive and prefer a more dominant partner. I suspect that the reason for this is really pretty simple. As a submissive, you will relinquish choice and freedom to act as you wish to but in all fairness, you really relinquish nothing because the submissive should be the one to set the parameters of a scene and determine how far he is comfortable going. Any good Dominant will talk this over with you before going into the bedroom and he has a very solemn and serious duty to never cross the lines that you set just to satisfy his own lusts. You really want to pick and chose carefully and there are warning signs that usually indicate just where a guy is as a Dominant.

Most importantly, if you meet him and he tries to push things faster than you want them to go, run away and do not look back no matter what he says or promises or what excuses he makes for his behavior. A good Top will be with you - he will never chase you, It is his job to take your hand and lead you rather than push you. You want a leader, not a bull dozer for a playmate.

Again, I'd look for an established, married guy because if he is in a long term marriage, that is a good indication that he is probably fairly stable, reliable and sincere. Some guys are likely cringing as they read my suggestions, but things are what they are.

Take your time - do not rush into anything and this will be OK. I hope that this helps somewhat. PM me if you want to discuss this further.

[gunslinger13]

My first time was when I was 12 so it was no big deal when both of us were the same age.Later on in life as an adult I wanted to be in my comfort zone , so as to enjoy the full experience.
I chatted on skype several times with different people that met my criteria. After chatting and cumming on skype we agreed to meet and had a great time.Knowing and seeing in advance set me at ease for a good time.

[Biintraining]

My first time was a lot better then I expected it would have gone. I was nurvis but wanting it at the same time. The hardest part was the transition from the talking and wanting to do it. The act was almost like a magnet once I stated i want to keep on going and enjoy the act and sensations as long as I could. Now the second time has been the hard part.

[genera101.2]

i was rather nervous the first time as an adult. when i was a kid there were many playing 'doctor' incidents, but as an adult i felt like i was being devirginized again.

[Wizzee]

I keep hearing the same phrases coming through, "Find an older guy, he will be more likely to help not hurt." Find a married guy or one in a long term committed relationship. He is usually more experienced and gentle. Don't let anyone push you, you need a leader, not someone pushy." And so on... In MY case it is more complicated; I AM an older guy, at 63, I AM married, and my wife is aware of my bi-curiosity and wants me to try it out. She is very understanding, she knows who I love, and who I'll be coming home to. She just is not interested in participating, or watching, unless there is a video made of my first time. Here in Chattanooga, Tn there is limited opportunities for meeting anyone bi or gay. One nightclub, one drag show-bar and a few places outdoors, and most of them are being watched by law enforcement. On sites like this, not much interest in meeting me, and when I take the lead and contact another guy that looks good or sounds interesting, I get turned down for being too old, or too fat. I realize my trucker belly is not anything like "Abs of steel!" but I don't really consider myself fat, but most retired truckers my age have large bellies from eating truckstop food, and not getting enough exercise I know I haven't posted any pics on my info page, yet, but I haven't figured out how to reduce the size on what pics I do have. So this total virgin bottom is looking and not having much luck. I've been on several sites similar to this, and even posted on Craig's list. I've met with three guys, one bragged about his hot tub, and when I got there, it was not heated, and instead of doing anything, he just wanted to tell me what a great lawyer he is, as we sat in the cold water with the jets going. Another guy said on his page that he was a vers/bottom. He said he can be a top anytime he wants, and he wanted to help me. He is a professional masseur and gave me a pretty good massage, but he couldn't get hard enough to do anything. The third one decided to play hide and seek in the parking lot at the restaurant where we were going to meet. He parked where he could see the door, and when he saw someone that looks like the picture of me, he called me on my cell, and said he couldn't stay to meet, he had to run an errand for his partner. He had forgotten to tell me he was in a relationship, and was sneaking around on his partner. He wanted me to come to his house since his partner was at work, but I don't play that game. It would not matter if he has a partner, as long as he would be honest with me AND the partner, so I wrote that one off as well.

I know I am sounding like a whiner, and nobody wants to deal with that. I'm just saying that being afraid or nervous about taking that first step is okay, and normal, but even after you take a deep breath and show interest in someone, you might not get what you're looking for, and be disappointed. Be careful, but don't give up. You might get your first time when you least expect it and all will hopefully fall into place from there.

[Visexual]

A friend and I jacked each other off when I was about 10 and at 15 an older man asked to suck me and I let him. But it wasn't until I was 40 that I decided I just had to find out what sucking a cock was like.

I knew where there was a gay bar and I just drove there and walked in. A young man smiled and offered to buy me a drink and, while we were drinking, told me that every guy there knew why I was probably there and that I was 'macho'. I think that was the first time I'd heard that term.

After discussing it, he led me to the ladies room. I guess they had one for this purpose alone. He reached down and felt of my cock through my slacks but I just went down to my knees, took his cock out, and sucked him until he came in my mouth. I swallowed every single drop and loved it. I knew right then that, as much as I love women, I'd never deny myself cocks.

[dickhand]

My first was a cousin about my age who lived just across the field from me . Pre-internet hook ups , now that was nerve racking . Big leap of faith to approach another guy . Had a couple of encounters at the adult movies . One ended up being an older cousin of mine that I had not yet met , but had heard gay rumors about . We didn't figure this out until after the fun was done at his place . Since the internet , what a difference . You can chat with someone that you know is interested in the same thing . Work out the bounderies , likes and dislikes and so forth . I have had good results with www.adultfriendfinder.com (http://www.adultfriendfinder.com) . My very first internet hook up was from this site . Keep the faith and be careful ! A very nice man . It has been sometime since we have played though .

[Jakentn]

Harder than I had ever thought, since I had some experiences in my youth. I was one of those "no show" guys multiple times, which is why I do not get angry or judge the "no shows" I am trying to hook up with now.

[fpb09]

I remember my first time! Nervous but with older man he made me at ease ! We started slow & he want first loved the feeling so i took hi s cock in hand & mouth ! LOVED IT & WANT MORE! Swallowed my first load , he even told me but I kept sucking until there was no more cum , I want to do this again many more times !

[superflush]

That depends on what you mean by "how hard". For me, it was very easy to meet a hot [male] person and do whatever we wanted. To overcome labels, old outdated prejudices, and moral judgments, quite a bit harder.

Think carefully about the company you want. Then think hard about it all over again. Then, fuck it, do it, and damn the nerves. If you're not at least a little nervous about having sex then what's the point? That excitement is part of the fun. Be always careful, do it, and enjoy it!

[SamanthaCDtoo]

My first time was with this guy Tony. We did it in the woods. He wanted to blow me. I was afraid he was going to bit me. After that it was awesome and we did it every day after school.