What is your opion

[usa1981]

A young man of eighteen who is an elite athlete
1. at 13 a girlfriend (holding hands only)
2. at 14 a his kiss with a girl
3. at late 16 to early 17 a short lived girlfriend non-serious
He insists that he like girls but says it is to complicated to have a relationship. There are other people in his sport who have relationships. There are six other men the youngest one of the men/boys 17 years old has a girlfriend, one is a little older than said than the 18 year old is engaged, one man who is much older & married with two kids, and three of the males other than this young man it is unknown wether they are in relationships who are all older than this young man. Two of women are in relationships with men. One of the women has had a relationship since she was around 15-17 and the other is married.
Is he is straight or bi or more concentrated on the sport than the others or a slower maturer than them?

[bifemme]

Some people just aren't relationship oriented. I found something interesting about romantic attractions, some neologisms the Asexual community came up;although asexuals aren't sexually attracted to anyone, they still are romantically. I think it would do some good to take a look at those neologisms. I don't see how relationships, or lack thereof, have anything to do with sexuality though.

[Long Duck Dong]

I am a asexual natured person and was diagnosed a few years ago, after psych exams and med tests... my asexuality phased in which is different to a person that was born asexual and has never developed a sexuality identity or sexual inclination.... I was sexually active for 20+ years, but I can live comfortably without sex ( something that many ladies find they can do in their lives as they get older )....

its not uncommon for sports people / business people / soldiers etc, to develop a short or long term asexual nature in which their normal sexual interests and desires * die * for a time and so they do not seek out people sexually, tho they can develop friendships / relationships with other people....

so there is more than one type of asexuality... and the issue here is that some people confuse asexuality with people that have issues with empathic / social connecting with people ( socially awkward ) and those people are not asexual, they are normal sexually interested people that have not managed to develop a relationship with a person that has led to a sexual interaction....

the best thing you can do, is not pressure the person into * being normal* but respect them as they are... tho if they are concerned or worried about things, then they need to talk to a doctor / psych / counsellor etc etc

[usa1981]

the first relationship was three weeks no kissing hand holding only
the first kiss was with he did not know the girl very well
the second relationship petered out after a few months and it was not serious
Long Duck Dong, what you said is interesting.

[falcondfw]

I would say it could be many things. But without a medical and psych evaluation of him, you will never know for sure. The trick is getting him to agree to those evaluations.

[bityme]

A young man of eighteen who is an elite athlete
1. at 13 a girlfriend (holding hands only)
2. at 14 a his kiss with a girl
3. at late 16 to early 17 a short lived girlfriend non-serious
He insists that he like girls but says it is to complicated to have a relationship. There are other people in his sport who have relationships. There are six other men the youngest one of the men/boys 17 years old has a girlfriend, one is a little older than said than the 18 year old is engaged, one man who is much older & married with two kids, and three of the males other than this young man it is unknown wether they are in relationships who are all older than this young man. Two of women are in relationships with men. One of the women has had a relationship since she was around 15-17 and the other is married.
Is he is straight or bi or more concentrated on the sport than the others or a slower maturer than them?

You say nothing about his social life other than his three "relationships." Given your description, I'd call them "flirtations."

Considering what you have said about the "relationships" of others in the group closest to him, it is not surprising that he thinks relationships are complicated. None of this says anything about his sexual orientation or preferences, but it speaks volumes about his intelligence and perception.

For years I have been telling young people that they should not have committed relationships until at least age 25 and should not consider marriage before age 35.

Relationships require experience and understanding of both one's self and others. That experience and understanding should be gained prior to committing yourself to another.

Ideally, marriage is a life-time commitment. Ironically, most people do not wait until the have sufficient experience, understanding, and wealth to enter marriage. The longer you wait to select your mate, the better the chances will be that they are in, connected with, or understanding of your profession, that they have also reached a point of financial comfort and are no longer searching for a career move that might break up the "relationship." Being more mature, there is also a better chance that the parties will be open and honest about their desires and needs, particularly in the sexual arena.

Am I a product of my own advice? Absolutely not! Fell in "love" at 16, married at 19. The Cinderella factor worked, however. We were open and honest, explored together, and jointly discovered and learned to understand and appreciate our bisexuality and enjoyment of sex with others. I have yet to meet someone else who experienced similar success at such an early age.

Give your young man a chance to be himself and enjoy life. If your concern is because you are trying to "catch" him, do one of two things. Either leave him alone or just be his friend, have fun, be open and honest, talk openly about everything, explore with him and jointly and independently explore with others. Doing this, you will never "catch" him, but you both may discover yourselves and there is also the possibility of "finding out" that no other two people fit together so well.

Good luck,

Mrs Tiff and Pappy

[tenni]

What is your relationship to this man? Why are you concerned about his sexuality and his sex life?

[void()]

Apologies, upon reading the thread I understand what is asked but for a moment did not. I refrain from having an opinion on specifically what is asked. I do not know the parties concerned so cannot hold such a specific opinion. I do have an opinion that concurs with bityme's. People ought to mature beyond teen years prior to considering serious relationships, it is quite beneficial to do so.

[robin ta laye]

If you love something proove it by letting it go, if it returns to you then it was never really gone. We are as the wind, forever moving and sweeping up all that we touch in our passing, unable to hold onto anyone, no place or thing, unless wanting and able, to fly with this wind, it takes wing.

[elian]

At that age I think he may still be figuring out just WHO he is - that doesn't AUTOMATICALLY make him anything. When I was growing up I decided to focus on getting my degree - I gave up a lot to do that, serious relationship was one thing, family gatherings, free time.. I grew up learning not to trust people, I was confused about my sexuality and frankly I just didn't want to deal with it while I had the stress of going to school and working at the same time but that doesn't mean that your "friend" has the same circumstances. He could very well know that he likes women, but just not want to get involved right now. If I knew now what I didn't know when I thought I knew what I knew at 18 .. life may have been a little simpler - but you can't get there from here without having lived the experience.

[usa1981]

For him I would say a serious relationship/long term dating relationship for him would be 4-12 months. This would be for jus getting to know what he is looking for later.

[usa1981]

For him I would say a serious relationship/long term dating relationship him would be 4-12 months. This would be for just getting to know what he is looking for later.
Not relationships that would be a way of figuring how relationships work because he seems to take to much even at a fairly basic level but more them just holding hands not that is bad.

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

Did you stop to think to ask him what He likes/wants? And why does he have to be put in a certain catagory anyway? Why cant he just be himself and be accepted for Who he is, not What he is?

If you want to know his sexual orientation, why not just ask him? :}
Cat

[usa1981]

He has around ten buddies and around eight that are girls. He has gone to two secondary schools. At the first he got bullied and he had about same number of friends of five buddies and four friend that are girls and at the second secondary school he has five buddies and four friends that are girls. I would also really that consider them more flirtations rather than actual relationships although he at his point consider them relationships.

[elian]

It might be tempting to speculate but the truth is unless they make a public statement a lot of times you can't use what's on the outside to tell what someone is attracted toward on the inside. If you are interested in this person I would just ask them to see if they would like to go for a meal, for some coffee or a movie - some activity you might both enjoy..assuming they are of legal age..

[usa1981]

It might be tempting to speculate but the truth is unless they make a public statement a lot of times you can't use what's on the outside to tell what someone is attracted toward on the inside. If you are interested in this person I would just ask them to see if they would like to go for a meal, for some coffee or a movie - some activity you might both enjoy..assuming they are of legal age..
This is not a real person or at least if he is the only reason I know anything about him is that elite water sportsman. However it is not a real person if it was a real person he is legal however he would not be interested in me I am far more then a few years older then him. I live in the LA County California USA and if it were a real person he lives in western europe.

[usa1981]

its not uncommon for sports people / business people / soldiers etc, to develop a short or long term asexual nature in which their normal sexual interests and desires * die * for a time and so they do not seek out people sexually, tho they can develop friendships / relationships with other people....

so there is more than one type of asexuality... and the issue here is that some people confuse asexuality with people that have issues with empathic / social connecting with people ( socially awkward ) and those people are not asexual, they are normal sexually interested people that have not managed to develop a relationship with a person that has led to a sexual interaction....

the best thing you can do, is not pressure the person into * being normal* but respect them as they are... tho if they are concerned or worried about things, then they need to talk to a doctor / psych / counsellor etc etc
I do understand to be sure of anything if this were a real person would have be tested medically and psych exams. if you had an opion about this hypothetical person is short or long term asexuality?

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

Oh good grief. So is he a real person or just a hypothetical figure?
Cat

[terri]

not all flowers blossom on the first day of spring.

[elian]

I'm tired of playing this game. If there is a REAL person that you are interested in, and there is a chance you could see him, even if he is in Europe then invite him out for a drink or a meal - if it were real life we'd be talking about a human being and not a lab experiment.

If I've learned anything it is that life is too short to deal with endless hypotheticals. If hypothetically there is no chance of getting to Europe then there are probably plenty of friends in your own backyard.

Whoever and whatever this boy is, the most positive thing you can do is accept him as he is, a part of human family - we are all worthy of love and respect.

[Long Duck Dong]

I do understand to be sure of anything if this were a real person would have be tested medically and psych exams. if you had an opion about this hypothetical person is short or long term asexuality?

honestly, I do not know.... I would need to talk with them as its not the answers that they give me, that would give me a better idea, but the answers they don't
the reason for saying that, is that people will often say what they want others to hear, like when they are at the doctors, but in a casual conversation, most people are less guarded and more revealing about things without realising it.......

things like not talking about sex or not showing a interest in sex, are not signs of asexuality or asexual traits.....a person can be a private person and a very sexual person, a inability to express themselves, a confusion about their sexuality, ashamed to talk about their interests etc...... so I would look at the elite sporting side of things and the intense focus on the sports as clues as to what may be happening.....

but without talking with the person, its merely assumption and quesswork.......there is no asexuality test that you can use to test a person....