Consequences

[DuckiesDarling]

We've all been there, we've all done something that can be a deal breaker in a relationship, by relationship I am meaning any bond between anyone, be it lovers, friends, fwb, spouse.


If someone did something that you can't forgive (use your own imagination) what would you do?

[Long Duck Dong]

lol... oh shit...... is it multi choice ??? lol

with most things ( within reason ) I would perfer to talk.. and if we parted ways, it would be with the understanding that I would not turn my back on the person, unless it was something that they did that was way outside anything I could forgive..... and if it was my fault that the relationship ended, I would like to know why it ended and where I failed my partner .....

I could not just walk away from a person.... if they walked away, I would not chase them, but respect their wishes and their right to their freedom....

PS, you left off the * fuck like rabbits as a parting of the ways * option :tongue:

[innaminka]

Talk it out. It might be hopeless, but give the offending party a chance.

For me to end a relationship immediately, the offence would have to be uber horrific.

[12voltman59]

What is the situation that we are being asked to vote on in this poll?

[Long Duck Dong]

any situation, volty....... DD and I were reading a article about different ways that people break up with partners, and how they can use online sites to break up with people... so it got us talking about what how we would do things if the shit hit the fan and we ran thru a number of different scenerios....

so the poll is open to any scenerio..... but basically asking, how people would break up with a partner..... lol its why I asked if there was a multi choice option cos some scenerios would not only involve me breaking up with a person, I would drag their ass down to the local police station

[DuckiesDarling]

any situation, volty....... DD and I were reading a article about different ways that people break up with partners, and how they can use online sites to break up with people... so it got us talking about what how we would do things if the shit hit the fan and we ran thru a number of different scenerios....

so the poll is open to any scenerio..... but basically asking, how people would break up with a partner..... lol its why I asked if there was a multi choice option cos some scenerios would not only involve me breaking up with a person, I would drag their ass down to the local police station

Not just a partner, I included friends, friends with benefits and so on. Just if someone did something you can't forgive (That is where imagination comes in, Volt, only you know what you can't forgive) what would you do. Hence the poll and the options.

[Gearbox]

With partners in a romantic relationship I'd go for No3 first, but if I really couldn't forgive, then it would be No4. If you can't forgive, then your not exactly good for each other.

Different rules for different kinds of relationships though.

[by~his~side]

I try to live by the Golden Rule.
I tend to associate with human beings. As wonderful as we can all be we are still imperfect, fallible and prone to make mistakes. I haven't met one yet who isn't.
In my scenario this person made a mistake.....maybe in a moment of panic they lied to me...or betrayed a confidence....used VERY poor judgement....or took MY tag off the perfect Christmas tree at the Christmas tree farm and replaced it with their own. Nothing heinous...but certainly something that I'd find disappointing.
I'm an understanding and forgiving person (albeit to a fault, I'm told..but, I am who I am) and will always find forgiveness in my heart.

I opted for #3.

And yes, I have experienced giving forgiveness in situations where it wasn't deserved. But that I believe goes back to the character of the other person (they were going to needlessly cause pain and disappointment again anyway as it is just an ugliness in their soul) I still find it suits me better than holding onto anger.
No doubt I will screw up again in my life and the forgiveness from another WILL make all the difference in how I feel about what I have done and where I go from there.

Thanks-
~D~

[void()]

The scope of the question makes it profoundly interesting. Recently, have been made aware of something from my youth. Someone chose to not take responsibility through not acting. This still laden them with responsibility by omission of appropriate action/s.

Spoke with them last week or so regarding life in general. They had written an expression of their hopes for me in the year of my birth. It had been tucked away in some things which were brought in our move. The piece evoked many emotions, bittersweet joy, sadness, anger, depression. In our talk they said I should have accepted an offer to have "vanished off the face of the Earth" for the military.

Difficult to hear a mother say you're as good as dead to her, perhaps not the exact words, all the same the inference is there. Unfortunately your poll doesn't include my option. Rather not discuss it here. Be assured though it isn't anything anything violent, sick, malicious. It is something I need to do though.

Talk about wake up coffee. Oh well. "Going through Hell?" "Keep going."

[Nextyearsxmassgifts]

I have vary few things I would call "deal breaker's". But the few I do have, consist mostly of offenses agents others in my life by that person. I can find forgiveness or at lest try. If a real problem comes up or Ive been truly hurt by that person.

I don't have the right to give forgiveness for someone ells. For example, I have a child. I can deal with a lot, and I have. But if anyone in my life dose anything to hurt my child i.e. make them feel like they are less then who they are. Or it can be as simple as making my child feel unwelcome in there life. That person will get a quick explanation...and an even quicker good bye!!! You have to protect those in your life that can not protect them selves.

I have a great capacity for forgiveness. I know I'm not perfect, and have messed up. I know I will continue to do so. But my instinct to protect is greater then my capacity for forgiveness.

[Realist]

I tend to forgive........the first time, anyway.

If we discussed it and the person asked for forgiveness, unless it was treason, or some other heinous crime, I'd probably forgive them.

[welickit]

Neither of us can answer based on the fact every situation is different. Long story but we are married for the second time. Obviously at one point ending the relationship was very much an option. Growing up teaches you to learn to LISTEN.......notice I didn't say talk it out?

[slipnslide]

The situation is completely unforgivable?

[raistkit]

deal breaker i walk away, with an explanation of course. i know myself i will never forget, forgive yes, forget no. i would rather loose a lover and keep a friend.
kit

[Long Duck Dong]

The situation is completely unforgivable?

lol yeah, unforgivable..... lol

the trouble there, is every person is different and what they can and can not forgive, is also different......

I can forgive cheating and infidelity but it would be the lying about what was going on and denying it, that would be the thing that I would struggle to forgive ..... where as DD will not forgive cheating and it would be a deal breaker....

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

Communication is Always the best solution, but some people choose to take a different tact and simply not talk about whats bothering them, and walk away with no explaination. Not only is this horribly wrong, but its horribly hurtful on the spouse, freind, lover, ect.
When someone just chooses to walk away, there leave a hurtful wound that sometimes cannot be healed, and closure never happens. To leave the other person not knowing, and wondering what they did wrong with no explaination is so selfish and cruel. Not knowing can be worse than a slap to the face, because it hurts the very Soul. In someways its childish, its heartless, and its cowardly. At least be a man, (woman) thus giving the person Some kind of valid explaination, and let them have some closure in their minds and hearts. It can lead to a long time hurt, sometimes for life, to stop this pain; and it can turn to resentment, hate, or cold indifference.
Just be honest, truthful. Even a small note of "I dont want you in my life any more" would be better than nothing. And it would let the person in question be able to heal in their heart and mind and move on.
Just my humble opinion, take it or leave it.
Cat

[swmnkdinthervr]

I can't imagine how there would be a choice if someone did something I couldn't forgive. I have yet to find anything that meets that description and hope I never do!!! Virtually anything is forgivable if you have the motivation to do so.

[sodacan3]

Once when I was married and in an abusive relationship, I was having a heart attack and my then-wife refused to call an ambulance. I told myself that if I survived, I would divorce her and would not forgive her. Well (obviously) I did survive and I did leave her. I mean, if you can't trust your wife with your life, how can you stay. There can be no forgiveness there. If anyone could forgive their spouse for this they are either a saint or stupid!

[Realist]

I would think that's tantamount to attempted murder!

Geez, she's a piece of work...I don't care how poorly you two got along!

[Annika L]

If someone did something that you can't forgive (use your own imagination) what would you do?

First of all, I want to thank DD for putting up a poll over the previous longstanding silly one that had been there.

But I confess a *little* confusion over the question. If someone does something I *can't* forgive (not that I would have a hard time forgiving, but *cannot*), then what would be the point of "trying to work things out"? The question itself presupposes that things *can't* be worked out. So in that situation, I'd say I'd have to explain and then leave...any other answer to me indicates naive hopefulness, willingness to be walked on, or (in the case of no explanation) lack of respect for the personhood of the other party.

But I gotta say that my imagination has a hard time coming up with a scenario that I "cannot" forgive. Very little can't be forgiven if both parties remain interested in the relationship. In fact, I guess the only thing I can think of that is unforgiveable is not giving a shit about the relationship...and yes, in that case, I'd explain and leave...if the other person hadn't left already.

[DuckiesDarling]

First of all, I want to thank DD for putting up a poll over the previous longstanding silly one that had been there.

But I confess a *little* confusion over the question. If someone does something I *can't* forgive (not that I would have a hard time forgiving, but *cannot*), then what would be the point of "trying to work things out"? The question itself presupposes that things *can't* be worked out. So in that situation, I'd say I'd have to explain and then leave...any other answer to me indicates naive hopefulness, willingness to be walked on, or (in the case of no explanation) lack of respect for the personhood of the other party.

But I gotta say that my imagination has a hard time coming up with a scenario that I "cannot" forgive. Very little can't be forgiven if both parties remain interested in the relationship. In fact, I guess the only thing I can think of that is unforgiveable is not giving a shit about the relationship...and yes, in that case, I'd explain and leave...if the other person hadn't left already.

Welcome, Annika, the various choices are there for different reasons. It's not predisposing the relationship, whether it's marriage, partnership, friendship will end over one thing you can't forgive. By talking, I mean you find something out and while you can't forgive it, you can move past it as long as it's clear it's not done again and wasn't done "deliberately" the first time. Make sense? Off to take another pill to combat the pneumonia lol

[curious74]

Talk it out. There was a time when I would have said it's over, see ya and on a couple of occasions did, but always regretted it later. I regretted it because I did not try and never really had closure. If anything by talking it out, if it does not work out, at the end of the day you will know you tried and gave it your best.

[pepperjack]

It's the "blood is thicker than water" thing for me. Nothing beats the pain of familial betrayal!

[Rhevan]

This is a very interesting question, and I can honestly say that so far in my life I've been in situations were most of the answers came into play. I voted for the Keep the relationship going but always distrust as that was the last bad one I had. It wasn't something intentional that was done and it was done before he met me but to hide it... that bothered me as I had been very open with him regarding my sexual past. It led to me demanding he use condoms until the tests came back and that eventually destroyed the relationship as he didn't like to use condoms ever. With the relationship I'm in now, I'd have to say I can't think of anything she could do that I wouldn't forgive and she says the same about me so I guess we'd talk it all out then go back to fucking like a pair of bitches in heat :)

Rhevan