Please help me

[jiles]

Hi all
I would like some help. I am happily married and love my wife dearly. However begore I met her aged 19 to 22 I experimented with.some men and slept with four of them. I absolutely hate myself for experimenting and have told my wife who has been extremely supportive and has told me to forget about it. I think i must have been bisexual back then to experiment. However I am 100% straight now and the thought of my past makes me feel sick and so ashamed. Please give me advice on how I forget this. Thank you very much.

[keefer201]

I wouldn't ask for help from anyone here, I'd make an appointment with a good psychotherapist.

[dickhand]

Perhaps one of the Republican presidential candidates could help you out . Maybe Michelle Bachman in particular ?

[tenni]

Well, if it bothers you counselling may help but find one that is positive to alternative sexualities. Personally, I would stay away from psychoanalysis and seek out a psychologist specializing in counselling. It is your feelings of shame that probably need exploration. You don't say how old your are presently and how long ago these same sex incidents happened. There are factors that you may want to be aware of. Sexuality may shift and you may have an ebb and flow to your interest in same sex action. You may be hetero who just explored same sex actions to find out that it isn't for him or you may be bisexual in a phase of no same sex attraction. It may return later in your life after 40 as it has for many bisexual men who try to deny their same sex attraction. Suppressing your feelings and feeling shame will weigh heavier on you as time passes if you do not resolve these feelings of shame. Good fortune at finding peace and self acceptance.

[bityme]

Hi all
I would like some help. I am happily married and love my wife dearly. However begore I met her aged 19 to 22 I experimented with.some men and slept with four of them. I absolutely hate myself for experimenting and have told my wife who has been extremely supportive and has told me to forget about it. I think i must have been bisexual back then to experiment. However I am 100% straight now and the thought of my past makes me feel sick and so ashamed. Please give me advice on how I forget this. Thank you very much.

I can see two possibilities here.

It is not at all unusual for individuals to experiment with their sexuality when they are younger. Considering you current reaction to your past encounters, it is doubtful that you would have classified yourself as bisexual then. More than likely, you would have called it experimentation. In either case, it makes little difference. Sexual orientation is something that has a tendency to be fluid. It can change over time.

Like many things in life there are those that we like at one point in time and dislike them at another. Easy examples are things like foods, color of clothing, beverages, colognes, etc. Sexuality is much the same. The primary difference is that with sexuality be are also faced with societal judgments about various practices.

There is no reason to regret or feel ashamed about having experimented in your youth. It was part of the process that helped shape you. You tried something and apparently found it wasn't your cup of tea. There are probably many other things about which you have had similar experiences.

Take a clue from your wife. She is apparently not concerned about your earlier experimentation and seems to be confident of your present evaluation of your sexuality.

On the other hand:

You don't say how often you think about those prior experiences. The fact that you have come to this site seeking the comments of others leads me to believe that it is not just an occasional thought in passing. Has the thought about your experience become like a fantasy to you? Do you think of only those prior experimentations or other men? Is it the thought of having had the prior experiences that makes you feel badly or the feeling of excitement you have as you relive them in your mind? Is voicing you 100% heterosexuality something to convince someone else or is it an effort to convince yourself in an effort to avoid dealing with your thoughts or fantasies of having male to male experiences again?

There is that possibility that your were bisexual then and you still are bisexual. The difference is that you have elected to live a life suppressing your same sex desires, a bit different than having let yourself express them when you were younger. You are the only one that knows your true mind.

If this later possibility is what you are experiencing, keefer201's suggestion of counseling may be appropriate. I don't believe people can actually change sexual orientation through counseling, however, counseling may assist you in understanding your true desires and helping to cope with their impact on you and you family. If you think about it and find you are dealing with current desires, there are many here that could give you assistance.

Pappy

[biguy1940]

feeling ashamed is very counter productive...as ong as your wife doesnt mind, niether should you...all humans have a bi-sexual personality although most dont experiment with it once they reach their majority...most men that i have met, and im 71 y.o., played with other guys in their youth...its a natural thing to do...you should only feel ashamed if you have done something to hurt other people, otherwise just accept what you have done as , at most, youthful indiscretion and move on

[bigbadmax]

are you really 100% straight? it would take an awful lot of guts for a truly hetero male to join a bisexual site just to ask this question.

the only thing you should be worried about is looking after your wife, and yourself.sex is sex.

[jiles]

Thank you for all your comments they really help. I am fully comfortable with my sexuality. I went through a phase when I was single where i didn't care what i did or who with. I am fully regretting it now but I suppose that is one if the teachings of life we make mistakes. I had to join the site and post this. in the forum. any other site I probably would have got a negative response from some one passing judgement. Once again thank you for your comments and good luck for the future.

[Realist]

Jiles,

You're not the first person who experimented with your sexuality and found out what you liked and didn't like. Trying different things is how we determine of something's for us......or not.

For you, it was a learning exercise....so, now you know. There's no reason for you to be guilty about learning something new.

I tried onions and hate them! I tried relationships with both genders and liked them. But I don't feel guilty about not liking onions and I certainly don't feel guilty about loving both genders!

Your wife knows about it and did exactly what you should, too...OK, you did that, found out it wasn't for you, now just let it go!

Good luck with the rest of your life!

[Gearbox]

Your not going to forget it. Best you can do is get over it.

You don't have a sign on your head that says "I've sucked a cock!". If that were possible, there'd be quite a few straight men with similar signs wandering about.:bigrin:
If you could see "I've thought about sucking a cock!" signs on every straight man that thought about sucking a cock, I'm sure you'd feel a lot less shameful.

At least you had the guts to experiment! Give yourself that.;)

[slipnslide]

Thank you for all your comments they really help. I am fully comfortable with my sexuality. I went through a phase when I was single where i didn't care what i did or who with. I am fully regretting it now but I suppose that is one if the teachings of life we make mistakes. I had to join the site and post this. in the forum. any other site I probably would have got a negative response from some one passing judgement. Once again thank you for your comments and good luck for the future.

If only life offered an Undo button.

[elian]

Thank you for all your comments they really help. I am fully comfortable with my sexuality. I went through a phase when I was single where i didn't care what i did or who with. I am fully regretting it now but I suppose that is one if the teachings of life we make mistakes. I had to join the site and post this. in the forum. any other site I probably would have got a negative response from some one passing judgement. Once again thank you for your comments and good luck for the future.

I don't think WHO you love is a "mistake" although there are plenty of WRONG REASONS TO HAVE SEX that could LEAD to a mistake. Regardless of who you love, or how many mistakes you have made you are as worthy of love and respect as any other part of creation. Something does not have to be "perfect" to be "beautiful".

It's not possible to ERASE your memory like flipping off a light switch but a lot of men and women experiment with their sexuality when they are young, that's nothing to be ashamed of. People mature physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually (if you are so inclined) at different ages and stages of their life.

You were as honest as you could be with your wife and she forgave you, that's a potential sign of a healthy relationship..healthy relationships are very hard work. IF you feel guilty about your past and happy she forgave you why don't you kiss her, hug her a little more and tell her how much you love her for accepting you?

When you are done with showing love to your wife, show love to yourself. Human beings are fallible, you aren't "broken", it's not curse or a sin, that's how we learn who we are. As long as you learn from your experiences and you're truthful with yourself instead of trying to cover them up then I think you're doing just fine.

[Long Duck Dong]

Hi all
I would like some help. I am happily married and love my wife dearly. However begore I met her aged 19 to 22 I experimented with.some men and slept with four of them. I absolutely hate myself for experimenting and have told my wife who has been extremely supportive and has told me to forget about it. I think i must have been bisexual back then to experiment. However I am 100% straight now and the thought of my past makes me feel sick and so ashamed. Please give me advice on how I forget this. Thank you very much.

think about why you are ashamed, and what you are ashamed of...... saying that its cos you slept with 4 guys, is a broad statement..... and its like saying that I hate wine... when the real reason is that its the sour taste of white wine and the dry taste of red wine that I find to be unpalatable, but I can drink some wines if I had to

the reason for breaking it right down, can help a person work out what issues they have with what area and what reasons they may have for disliking it so much, then find ways and reasoning that * dull * the reaction

if you have a open mind, you can try self hypnotherapy, and learn how to * disconnect * the *links * in your mind, the memories will remain but the adverse reactions will not be as strong.......and that can make things a lil easier......

be careful not to fall into the trap of hating yourself for learning about yourself... its something that a lot of people can do and its very self destructive to the person and it can affect their ability to socialise and interact with others...

most shaman would say that any experience that you live, is a experience that gives you knowledge and understanding of who you are....embracing the good and the bad aspects of your life, makes you a wise person, but running and hiding from your own experiences, makes a person fearful of living their life.......

something about your post reads like you fear the idea of being bisexual or desiring males again in the future..... and that can be a aspect of the issues you have now with your past

[mikey3000]

Hi all
I would like some help. I am happily married and love my wife dearly. However begore I met her aged 19 to 22 I experimented with.some men and slept with four of them. I absolutely hate myself for experimenting and have told my wife who has been extremely supportive and has told me to forget about it. I think i must have been bisexual back then to experiment. However I am 100% straight now and the thought of my past makes me feel sick and so ashamed. Please give me advice on how I forget this. Thank you very much.
And you come to a bisexual site for help? Hmmm...

[mikey3000]

Hi all
I would like some help. I am happily married and love my wife dearly. However begore I met her aged 19 to 22 I experimented with.some men and slept with four of them. I absolutely hate myself for experimenting and have told my wife who has been extremely supportive and has told me to forget about it. I think i must have been bisexual back then to experiment. However I am 100% straight now and the thought of my past makes me feel sick and so ashamed. Please give me advice on how I forget this. Thank you very much.
And you come to a bisexual site for help? Hmmm... That fact that you think about it is very telling in itself.