I really need insight

[Moonlight_BHI]

I'm bisexual and my boyfriend is straight. We both love women and love looking at them.

I get jealous when he looks at them and other thing.

Am I wrong or something on being jealous about him looking at women and getting pissed if he wants to go to a strip club?

I know I might get some posts I like, don't like or might even hurt a little... but right now, I'm just so scared.

And if you don't wanna post your opinion, feel free to pm me.

Be gentle please

[Jobelorocks]

I don't think that you are crazy at all. I know plenty of people that are this way. Just because you are bisexual, doesn't mean you aren't monogamous and doesn't mean you can't have that pang of jealousy.

If you aren't comfortable with him checking out other women or going to strip clubs, he shouldn't be doing it because it hurts you. Think about it this way, If you found him with one of your friends stripping for him, it would be clearly out of line (if you didn't give permission for this) , why would it be okay with a stranger doing it?

There is an issue though, if you find it okay for you to be checking out other women, or men for that matter, then it should be okay for him as well. It is important not to set forth double standards. Also if it is okay for you to go to strip clubs, it should be okay if he does it.

Another thing to question, is there a trust issue that is causing these feelings? Did he or someone in a past relationship with you cheat, or give you reason to believe they may have? Is there some other reason (past lies or deceptions) to distrust him?

There are many reasons you could feel this way and it is important for you to figure out why, to figure out if you are being fair (whether you are setting double standards, or making him pay for things others have done to you in the past), and if there is a legitimate issue, if you really want to stay with someone who does not respect your wishes. I hope this has helped.

[littlerayofsunshine]

What causes the jealousy to rise in you? and... How do you react to him and/or treat him when you have become jealous?

Jealousy is a normal human emotion. It becomes unhealthy when it interferes with how we love and treat our partner when they may have done nothing wrong or simply in error.

You both love to look at women, It feels natural for you as a bisexual woman to enjoy looking at women. It is the same for him. Though most likely to a lesser degree of excitement than you. Men basically look at women like they look at cars. Nice on the eyes, they think a moment about test driving them. Once the girl/car is outta sight, they forget they ever saw that particular car.
Cept with celebrities and porn stars because they are more readily available and those weird "missed connection" postings on craigslist.

Jealousy doesn't really have anything to do with what he does as much as it does with Whats within you that triggers your jealousy.

Work that out and you just might find that your jealousy will lessen over time.

[Long Duck Dong]

ok, sit down, and think about not the fact you are jealous, but what you think about your bf, how you see his actions, what you think he may be wanting, desiring, thinking.......

often jealousy can be false understanding, we assume what the other person is thinking and feeling, based around what we think and feel, so we develop issues over a false understanding......

there is a perception that going to a strip club is about a guy ogling females, sticking money in their g strings and getting lap dances.... and that can be true, but also its not always for personal pleasure, some guys may go there to enjoy the eye candy, but have no intention of doing anything beyond looking.....

a good approach, is to sit down and ask what it is about strip clubs that stand out to male..... a good male will stand down and talk about it, how he sees it, what its look for him, and bring you into his world..... other males may try around and say... * tits, ass, ass, tits * then get angry cos you are asking questions.......

I find ladies and guys pleasing to the eye, but I am the type of person that will talk with my partner about the differences in what i find interesting or attractive.... things like hugh jackman v's vin diesel..... or natalia portman v's keira knightley.... and most times its not sexual, its a mental / emotional interest.....

I see that two of the forums ladies have shared their understandings and that we all have the same understanding.... its ok to be jealous, its just why are you jealous, that is the true question.....

[Moonlight_BHI]

a good approach, is to sit down and ask what it is about strip clubs that stand out to male..... a good male will stand down and talk about it, how he sees it, what its look for him, and bring you into his world.

Well thats the thing, he has told me how he feels about strip clubs and why he likes them....and I still get jealous/pissed.

[Light_and_Dark]

I am very open with moonlight about why i do things feel the way i do...I believe communication is the only thing a relationship is...mind you i have a very specific reasoning for it but...I just love being honest and open with the women i love.....

I love her very much...She looks but has a low opinion of strip clubs or men looking matter of fact not trying to be mean but when it comes to any man getting any kind of pleasure out of the female form she is very opposed and disgusted by the idea. She is just strange that way and going into depth on it is difficult and personal.

She just really needs to understand no matter how much I look I am not leaving her...period she is kind of stuck with me....Sorry baby but.....I AM NOT GOING ANYWHERE....Love you.

[Moonlight_BHI]

I am very open with moonlight about why i do things feel the way i do...I believe communication is the only thing a relationship is...mind you i have a very specific reasoning for it but...I just love being honest and open with the women i love.....

I love her very much...She looks but has a low opinion of strip clubs or men looking matter of fact not trying to be mean but when it comes to any man getting any kind of pleasure out of the female form she is very opposed and disgusted by the idea. She is just strange that way and going into depth on it is difficult and personal.

She just really needs to understand no matter how much I look I am not leaving her...period she is kind of stuck with me....Sorry baby but.....I AM NOT GOING ANYWHERE....Love you.

Before I say something, yes this is my boyfriend posting right here.

Okay, hes open, honest...and loving.
Yet I still have issues about whether I trust that hes being honest even though he tells me his opinions, thoughts and everything...
And sometimes I get jealous to the point of sickness and thats when it turns into worry.

[Light_and_Dark]

Yes it gets kind of creepy i tell her everything in my head and she STILL thinks there is more....really wish i could just give her a printout of my day to day minute by minute thoughts....would make my life SO much easier....You need to feel better.

[Long Duck Dong]

lol ok my advice to both of you, is find a common ground, that works for both of you.....

light and dark, your response was very enlightening..... the fact that she has a low opinion of strip clubs and males looking at females, leads me to assume, that the issue has a lot to do with the way we can relate to females......

I am going to assume ( I do a lot of assuming ) based around a past thread that you both shared in, that moonlight has trouble seeing herself in a light that is not positive and that is reflected in her opinions on other things, such as looking at other ladies......

it is possible that part of her pansexual nature, is a underlying need and desire to be wanted, needed, loved and desired as a woman, not just as a bed partner.... or in simple terms, shes naturally pansexual, but under the surface, is a self confidence and self image issue.....

my advice there, is to take it one step at a time, together, and when you both hit the points where the feelings and emotions bubble over, then talk about them..... as self image and self confidence issues do have a starting point.........

moonlight.... I could give you a list of affirmatives to repeat every morning in front of a mirror, a type of positive reinforcement.... but thats like treating the effects of a illness and not the illness itself, so the symptoms continue......

based around light and darks reply, and yes, your own comments in this and past threads, I have a feeling that yes, its personal and so not something that needs to be discussed on the forums for all to see......

what I am going to suggest, is a counsellor.... a hypnotherapist of all things..... and ask them for help to * cut the strands to the past so you can move on *. most spiritualist natured people will understand what that means, and I have a feeling that it may help you regain some control in your mind and body......

it may not change your feelings about strip clubs and males looking at females, but it may help you deal with the emotions and feelings a lot easier, so that you are not caught in a maelstrom of conflict......

[Dead Account]

Wow- it's really rare to see both sides of a discussion like this. Quite a different view. I can understand how both feel, but don't forget the element of alcohol added in to lower ones inhibitions. I know if I still drank, (I haven't for 21 years now), I don't know how many trips to the strip club I could get away with before my inner dialogue did the talking for me and I followed up on the implanted idea to have sex. I just know where my own mind would take me. Please know that I'm not talking for anyone here, just me. I also think that midnights feelings aren't unjustified because the first thing a person at home while the other is at a strip club is "why? Aren't I good enough?"- and it probably trails on from there. I can't judge anyone, but you do get the idea.

[welickit]

Just an opinion but we think you have a bunch of growing up to do. :2cents:

[Gearbox]

Am I wrong or something on being jealous about him looking at women and getting pissed if he wants to go to a strip club?
Yes of course your wrong! It doesn't make you feel very good does it?;)
It doesn't have your bf skipping with joy either. Not a good ingredient in a relationship.

[12voltman59]

This question is directed at Light and Dark: What is it about going to strip clubs that is so appealing to you??----even in the days that I figured I was a confirmed heterosexual and was dating a variety of women exclusively---strip clubs---or "titty flopper" bars as we called them when I was in the service---I would go with the guys--but man--they always made me feel so damn slimy and sleazy to be in them and it doesn't matter if they are a dive or a high end "executive men's club"----I just never cared for them at all.

I just want to try to figure out honestly what is the attraction to go into one of those places---I know that to even ask that question of buddies in the service, at places I worked in civilian jobs, friends or neighbors that I have gone to them with----you would get a perplexed response about "what is not to like about them?--naked hot chicks--blah, blah, blah, blah"

I always thought that "titty flopper" bars were always too damn expensive to get into, to buy drinks and of course you have to tip the chicks dancing--I just don't understand them-because if they are at all legit clubs---if you touch one of the women too much---you have three big dudes grabbing you up and throwing your ass out on the curb--and if its a true sleazy one---you have to pay a pretty good price "for a private party."

Personally---I just do not get the appeal to those places----and because of that---its been years since I was last in one and I can say with a high degree of certainty---the last time I was in one--was the last time I will ever be in one!

I would really like an answer from Light and Dark or anyone who cares to respond---thanks guys if ya do.

I figured that if I was going to knowingly have "the house" rip me off--I would rather go to a casino and feed coins into the slots or lay down some bills at the Black Jack tables.

[Dead Account]

Just an opinion but we think you have a bunch of growing up to do. :2cents:

Uh, speak for yourself, I can express my own opinion without any help, thanks anyway.

[Light_and_Dark]

This question is directed at Light and Dark: What is it about going to strip clubs that is so appealing to you??----even in the days that I figured I was a confirmed heterosexual and was dating a variety of women exclusively---strip clubs---or "titty flopper" bars as we called them when I was in the service---I would go with the guys--but man--they always made me feel so damn slimy and sleazy to be in them and it doesn't matter if they are a dive or a high end "executive men's club"----I just never cared for them at all.

I just want to try to figure out honestly what is the attraction to go into one of those places---I know that to even ask that question of buddies in the service, at places I worked in civilian jobs, friends or neighbors that I have gone to them with----you would get a perplexed response about "what is not to like about them?--naked hot chicks--blah, blah, blah, blah"

I always thought that "titty flopper" bars were always too damn expensive to get into, to buy drinks and of course you have to tip the chicks dancing--I just don't understand them-because if they are at all legit clubs---if you touch one of the women too much---you have three big dudes grabbing you up and throwing your ass out on the curb--and if its a true sleazy one---you have to pay a pretty good price "for a private party."

Personally---I just do not get the appeal to those places----and because of that---its been years since I was last in one and I can say with a high degree of certainty---the last time I was in one--was the last time I will ever be in one!

I would really like an answer from Light and Dark or anyone who cares to respond---thanks guys if ya do.

I figured that if I was going to knowingly have "the house" rip me off--I would rather go to a casino and feed coins into the slots or lay down some bills at the Black Jack tables.

I have a question....anyone notice the anatomy of the atlas statues? Or any of the statues or paintings of old with nudity in them? Seriously we call it works of art today and hang them on our walls and in museums. In all reality those were made during a time of an ancient type of sexual expression.

What our ancestors called porn we call exquisite art....Think of it this way 2k years from now playboys in the same museum that holds art from Rembrandt. It is not always about the nudity itself but the essence of it...If you go to a strip club to get a boner you are going for the wrong reasons....If you ever go to a DECENT one...not the high end ones not the sleeze holes but a decent one....there is something behind the sex charged atmosphere that is truly entertaining......Then again I am a strange one.