Help!

[jaysonzero3]

okay here is the story for the better part of my 26 year old life ive beej gay. But had a lot ot struggles finding love and male attraction has come to a dryspell. Mostly i blame my self for repressing my sexuality for a really long time and uad my heart broken a lot, and now i have problems with male intimacy.

And now this, i find out im begging to find attraction to girls now. Any thoughts on this? Could i be bisexual, straight or emotionally damaged? Any comments are much apprecieted. Note that i have a year with my boyfriend and now this happens. What to do?

[elian]

It sounds like you are really struggling, take a deep breath, give yourself space and time to breathe. Start with loving yourself first. Regardless of which gender you are attracted to believe that you deserve love and respect as much as any other part of creation. Once you love yourself, then you will know what it truly means to love and care for someone in a committed relationship - it may make your next experience that much more meaningful. Personally in my life there have been times when the sex comes second to loving and caring for a friend and partner. I hope the next person you find will give you the love that you deserve.

[LoveBothWorlds]

There is really no need to label yourself. All humans are sexual beings. Rather, it is important to look at relationships and what the dynamics of a healthy relationship are. So, this may involve inventorying yourself as far as your own feelings, fears, communication skills, interests, etc. Look at some of the positive relationships you already have in your life and identify what makes them positive. Typically, it is that you can connect with someone, you can tell them things, and they hear you. They tell you something, and they hear you. That is the basis for a positive relationship. Thus, that is the starting point for any healthy relationship. You speak as if a sexual relationship is different. Healthy relationships build on the communication and when there is sexual attraction but also honest sharing that is mutual then the potential for a deeper and more intimate relationship is being formed.

[Gearbox]

It sounds as if your waiting for you bf to give you yet another broken heart. That you have become self protective where intimacy is concerned, because there are no guarantees that the relationship will last. You fear giving your all to him for lack of trust.:(
With a woman it's 'safer' to emotionally bond with. (There! I've said it for you!:eek:).

What you need (IMO) to realise is that the only emotional security you'll ever need is within yourself. No need for emotional safety nets when your secure with yourself.:)
Get rid of fear! It's the polar opposite of love, and it's created by you! Nobody else!

Love your bf! So what if he leaves you, cheats on you, or just rejects you down the line?
You won't die! You won't throw a party, but you won't die either!:tongue:
The main thing is that fear prevents you from enjoying the time you have with him now. That will always be, with whomever your with (m/f), unless you quit the insecurity.;)

[tenni]

Yes, it can be distressing to find out that you may not be a monosexual...whether that is a heterosexual or gay. Try to relax about learning this about yourself. Relax a bit and explore your growing attraction to the ladies. As the lovely Gearbox states in his live for the moment philosophical approach to life, it may be telling you about your own emotional needs or fears. Is your boyfriend biphobic? Begin an honest discussion with him about your growing feelings but first do a little reflection on what Gear has posted and see if this applies to you. Is it really fear of intimacy and being hurt if you open this part of yourself?

[jaysonzero3]

It sounds like you are really struggling, take a deep breath, give yourself space and time to breathe. Start with loving yourself first. Regardless of which gender you are attracted to believe that you deserve love and respect as much as any other part of creation. Once you love yourself, then you will know what it truly means to love and care for someone in a committed relationship - it may make your next experience that much more meaningful. Personally in my life there have been times when the sex comes second to loving and caring for a friend and partner. I hope the next person you find will give you the love that you deserve.

Hi Elian, I read your reply and thank you for it. For a little while I've realized that I have been beating my self up trying to be the perfect gay boyfriend and have forgotten that I too must love my self before anyone else. I never even had time to relfect upon my brake ups... I just went for a nother guy and then another guy and a nother guy... XD I will take you up on your comment. Thanks a lot.