I'm struggling

[Juno_x]

My boyfriend (its a fairly serious relationship, losing him would destroy me) anyways, recently let me know that he has had an MMF threesome in his previous relationship and that he loved it and would like to have another if I was okay with it, yet he insists that he isnt attracted to men at all and that im the only one he wants, he just really enjoys anal sex. We have a strap on and i fuck him with it which he loves, he tells me if im not comfortable with anything then he wont do it and if i wouldnt be comfortable with an MMF threesome thats fine but I can't help but feel like I'll really disapoint him and he'll tire of me not being experimental enough although he has always insisted he wont. As stupid as it sounds I'm almost worried if i let him get fucked by a man again he may decide he is attracted to them and leave me.

I know this may sound very stupid but he is my second serious relationship, my first one I was with for 5 years, we were much younger (im only 21 now, my current boyfriend is 33) so my past relationship way my highschool sweetheart, 4 years in he told me he was bisexual, eventually cheated on me with a man and left me and decided he was gay. so i think this is where my fear is steming from.

[Jobelorocks]

It is hard to trust again when you have had previous problems. You have to decide if you trust your boyfriend or not. If you do not, it will not work out in the end anyways. There are men out there who aren't attracted to males really, but still like how it feels to have anal sex with them. If you aren't comfortable with having a threesome, then tell him so...if he is honest and trustworthy, then he will not run off on you for another man. With all relationships you risk getting hurt and you have to decide at the end of the day if it is worth it to you to take that risk. I personally think it is. I went through many bad apples, but I eventually found the man who became my husband and I am so glad that I put my trust in him even though I had been betrayed by others in the past.

[Maggot]

Jobelorocks is right - can you trust your boyfriend? There are no guarantees in love, but only you can decide whether you trust him. Consider that 1. He hasn't gone behind your back with another man, he would like to have a MMF threesome, with you there, being a part of the experience. 2. He has tried to reassure you that he's not going to be judgemental if you aren't as open to experimenting as he is. Is he trustworthy in other areas, does he keep his word on other matters?

Sometimes you just have to take a leap of faith in these things. If you are uncomfortable regarding 3somes, then say so, and if you don't want to try it, be that for now or ever, then stick to your guns.

If he throws a hissy and goes off with someone - dust yourself off and remember that you are worth much better - you don't need to be with anyone who does not care about the way you feel. I think this one might just be OK though.

I can only speak from my experience. I am Bi and my husband is straight. We agreed from the outset on what was and what was not acceptable to each of us. We talk frequently on how we feel, what we want from the relationship. We have been together 23 years with no sign of things falling apart yet.

You two have to talk about everything, in the cold hard light of day, this is how I feel, this is what I want, this is how WE achieve a relationship that is strong.

[Juno_x]

Thanks both of you for your replies.

like I said he insists he isnt gay, he wont even believe he is bi. he said he just wants to try everything.

Its my fault it all got brought up in the first place, he kept saying how his biggest fantasy would be too see me with a woman, I told him maybe one day but not now. I dont want to rule anything out although I do believe myself to be straight, I just don't feel attracted to women. Anyways he was going on and on about it (we both have incredibly high sex drives and Sex-Text alot) eventually I started to get a bit annoyed cause it was turning me off, so I said "i'd love to see you get fucked by a guy" and he just replied with "I would do anything for you" and now he thinks it turns me on and tries to bring it up lots. Im an idiot for doing it, sometimes the thought of it really does turn me on but I think its when I'm sure it will never happen like i think its the 'taboo' that turns me on, so when he said he would do it and did it for his previous girlfriend and actually liked it, it killed me like it actually felt a stabbing pain in my chest and thought i was going to be sick (I thought it was happening again) but would never kiss a man, he didnt think he could even do it for me. He always says he'd rather have me fuck him with a strap on than the real thing anyday. But still he brings up men trying to turn me on, if he catches me in the right mood then boy does it work but in the wrong mood it can actually make me cry. he saw it upset me once and he was devastated, he hasnt brought it up much since... if he does its when he knows im incredibly horny and afterwards he just kisses me on the nose holds me close and tells me "its just a fantasy and im not to get worried or upset, he is just doing it to turn me on" .

I do really trust him, I'd trust him with my life. But the fear is still there, especially when you read so many places bisexual people struggle to remain monogamous (im yet to find out if this is true or not, after reading through this site it seems that it may be true for bisexual men anyways...and that breaks my heart.)

I'm also finding it hard because i dont have anyone i can really confide in, I have lots of good friends and a couple really close friends but I just can't bring myself to discuss it, especially after my only previous boyfriend left me for a man, I know none of them would understand, So thats why I'm here, I need people to talk to who understand the situation and I want to understand it better and learn to be okay with it all. I love my boyfriend more than I ever thought it possible to love anyone.

[csrakate]

he tells me if im not comfortable with anything then he wont do it and if i wouldnt be comfortable with an MMF threesome thats fine but I can't help but feel like I'll really disapoint him and he'll tire of me not being experimental enough although he has always insisted he wont. As stupid as it sounds I'm almost worried if i let him get fucked by a man again he may decide he is attracted to them and leave me.

PLEASE...don't EVER do anything that you are not comfortable with, and if your bf leaves you because you won't do an MMF, then he is a loser and you won't be losing too much! That being said, it doesn't sound to me as if he has issued you an ultimatum...so don't worry about that part too much.

Also...don't worry about him leaving you if "let him get fucked by a man". If he is truly bisexual, his same sex desires do not take away his love and desire for you. I understand why you feel that way...I used to feel the same way. I encourage you to share your fears and frustrations with him....talk openly and honestly....and by all means, listen to what HE may have to say.

Good luck to you both!

[dseven]

Look, I can't assure that your boyfriend will never leave you for a guy because I don't know him. But the truth is that you shouldn't feel insecure about him, you should try making him feel accepted first, tell him that you accept him as a bisexual or as a heteroflexible or whatever and that you love him no matter what. Then you need to ask him if he really loves you and if he's and always has been faithful to you. If he has, you have to believe him, that's the first step of understanding, you have to have faith and trust.

Then, you need to ask yourself if you would be comfortable with a MMF threesome, if you are not, then you don't have to do it. If you are comfortable, you can't really believe that he'll leave you for a guy, if your boyfriend really loves you and cares for you, then the other guy will be just a person with whom he can achieve sexual pleasure, that's it.

Good luck
Hugs
Dseven.

[trentino]

yes, I'm with Kate & D7. If a male bisexual's point of view is of any help, I think that I feel similar to your boyfriend. If true, I would never consider setting up house with a man, and similarly, I am in love with my wife and would love for her to share the passion of an MMF tryst. Understandable that your previous betrayal by a boyfriend who went from ostensibly straight, to bi, to gay would set your red flags waving, but I can assure you that bisexual men do exist. Many more so than most people are willing to admit. The Kinsey scale is wide, and even if I score myself a 2 or 3 ... that's a Looong way from a 6 ;) People are like snowflakes, and so are their sexual proclivities, methinks. Ok, that sounded like a 6. ;) Even in conversation with my wife, we both agree that sex has its place, of course, in a romantic love relationship, but it can certainly also be a natural activity without any deep intimacy nor soul-mating required ! Yes, frank, calm, collected communication I think will do a lot to sooth your anxiety. Good luck and good loving

[Juno_x]

Thanks everyone for the replies, believe it or not, its really helping me. I've felt very alone for a couple months now, so thank you xx

[Long Duck Dong]

reading back thru your posts, I have noticed a few things.....

there are bisexual men that perfer the monogamous lifestyle, the open lifestyle doesn't work for them, however, there can be pressure on them to live the open lifestyle from other people.......there are a number of monogamous bisexuals in this site....

more interesting is how he doesn't see himself as bisexual, there is nothing wrong with that, people can experiment with sex and sexuality, but have trouble seeing themselves as a sexuality as they look at the way others conduct themselves and they think " I do not want, feel, desire, need those things and I do not have the urges or desires to live that way "
it has a lot to do with the way bisexuality is presented to the public, that bisexuals can not function properly without open relationships and casual sex....and yes, not all bisexuals are like that......
that applies to all sexualities tho, so its not just a issue that bisexuals face

a desire for anal sex is not always a desire to be fucked by a male, its a desire for anal stimulation and penetration, and some people are fine with anal sex, but do not really desire male on male sex....however its generally males that have penises and can penetrate other people..... thank god for the feeldoe and other strapons.....

so embrace your partner, love him and enjoy having sex with him, he may well be telling you the truth, and its simply a truth that doesn't fit with what most of us understand to be * the norm*