Broaching the subject [Archive]

mattbi27

May 18, 2006, 8:37 PM

Hello all

A bit of advice needed if you can help?

I'm a bi guy. I've just split with my boyfriend - my first boyfriend - after a long relationship. I'm heartbroken, but am trying to move on, and get back into the dating game.

But when I was dating previously I wasn't 'out' as bisexual, so it's a little bit new to me.

I don't mind broaching the subject of my bisexuality with any guys that I meet. But I'm worried about broaching the subject with women.

My assumption, though not always true, is that gay guys are more receptive than straight women.

So when exaclty do I broach the subject with any girls I meet?

Obviously, "hello, nice to meet you, can I buy you a drink, by the way I'm bisexual" might be a little bit sudden. But saving it till we're in the bedroom might be too late.

And I want any woman that I meet to share my values, or else there's no point dating them.

So while I don't want to frighten any girls away, I want to be honest.

What's the best thing to do?

I have gay friends, and straight friends, but no bi friends, so your advice really is appreciated.

Thanks guys

M

woolleygirl

May 18, 2006, 11:03 PM

Hon sorry about your last relationship. You are totally right you want the woman to have the same values as yourself but you don't want to scare them off either. Honesty and time. No you don't just say" hey can I buy you a drink by the way I am bisexual" how about talking first and them when you start taking about relationships feel her out(Not UP) on what she says about things and then tell her. I am not tell not to be upfront but be the gentalman that you are. Some relationships take time for the other partner be ok with the bisexuality of the other person. You will see many wonderful people on here who can help like Flounder and Mrs. F and many others too who are more than willing to talk to you about how to handle it all. Just think of everyone as kind of an extended family.(((((((((((hugs))))))))))) Good luck hon

T

Lisa (va)

May 19, 2006, 2:24 AM

There is no sure fired answer, a lot depends on ther person you are telling and how deeply involved you are (or think you are becoming). I find it difficult to tell a guy about it, for fear of what goes through their minds ( 3-somes, or how many g/f's does she have). Let her personality dictate when and how she should be told as things progress.

Lisa

hugs n kisses

Mimi

May 19, 2006, 2:41 AM

well for me, i usually don't tell on a first date. but i will kind of try to "feel it out" first, like ask them what their religious values are, and maybe ask some political questions, like what they think of bush or something. sex, religion, and politics tend to go hand in hand.

so if i'm sensing some "potential" on the 2nd or 3rd date, then that's when i tell them. i say that i'm bisexual, and that i'm monogamous (because that's usually what is asked about next). then i try to spend some time answering questions and let them know that it's ok to ask (because people who don't ask questions are the ones i worry about).

since you're a bi male telling a straight woman you might have a different experience than i do. since i'm a bi woman i tend to worry about telling lesbians because sometimes they are so defensive and anti-men and i worry about telling straight men because they might eroticize everything and assume that i'm "kinky" and want 3somes.

good luck and let us know what happens!! :)

mimi :flag1:

Sparks

May 19, 2006, 8:37 AM

I dated a woman, some years ago, who told me on the second date that she was bisexual. The thought of a 3some never even entered my brain. What impressed me the most was her honesty. I then told her that I was bisexual as well. We both smiled and continued our dinner and conversation.

It was a very fulling (monogomus) relationship, and one that I miss. So when's the right time to tell? Listen to your inner voice. When the time is right, you'll know it. Feel free to write me. Take good care.

Fred

Mimi

May 19, 2006, 3:25 PM

I dated a woman, some years ago, who told me on the second date that she was bisexual. The thought of a 3some never even entered my brain.

well that's because you're not a straight man who has a one-track mind, fred. :)

mimi :flag1:

innaminka

May 19, 2006, 7:04 PM

I wish you luck in what may be a very difficult road.

Ok, I'm bi, but we're not exactly falling out of trees like autumn leaves.

Most str8 women i know would find it very difficult to have a relationship with a guy who has been with other men.

Homophobic? Of course it is. Unfair? Yes.
But probably that is the reality. I would expect you to have more disappointments than successes.

But keep trying, and as to your original question - be up front. If you are in a situation where a relationship may start to develop - tell her and face whatever happens. Far better than hiding and being found out later.

indenver8

May 20, 2006, 11:52 PM

You are in luck. It's easy. It is how I met the woman I married.

You have a social discussion and eventually you lead to a current news story about gays. Say, about the proposed amendment to the Constitution forbidding gay marriage.

Then you say, that is all a bunch of crap. The men who are so uptight about gays probably had boy/boy sex when they were kids and are either fearful of their 'being found out' or feel guilty about it and this is theri way to prove to themselves that they aren't queer.

Then she will either respond by letting you know she supports their nutty ideas in which case you drop the subject and find another woman - or she will be in agreement in which case you go to the next step.

Next you say, "It's foolish for them to feel that way because ALL boys do it."

To which she'll say, "Really? Did you?"

"Of course. It's only natural to explore."

Now you really have her curiosity aroused. "How many times did you do it?"

If you are paying attention, you should pick up whether she is finding this fascinating or just taking a survey.

"Oh, I don't remember now. A number of times."

If she is getting turned on, she will keep pushing. If not, you need to keep looking.

The woman I eventually married asked me, "Did the other boys just suck you or did you do them?"

Then, "Did you like sucking them?"

"Did they cum in your mouth?"

By this time I knew had found a winner.

Then I got around to telling her that I even sucked a guy off as a senior in high school.

Then she said, "I wish I had seen that."

Wow! Next thing I knew we moved in together and we were looking for a guy for me to suck while she watched. We found a terrific guy with a super thick 7 plus inches and I thought I had gone to heaven. She even reached over and jerked him off into my mouth.

Good luck to you. It really is easy. let me know how it goes.

csrakate

May 21, 2006, 7:18 AM

I dated a woman, some years ago, who told me on the second date that she was bisexual. The thought of a 3some never even entered my brain. What impressed me the most was her honesty...

well that's because you're not a straight man who has a one-track mind, fred. :)

mimi :flag1:

Mimi,

Please!!!..is it really necessary to lump all people into categories???? I find that comment offensive. Can't Fred's response be attributed to the fact that he loved and accepted his partner's honesty? Or how about the fact that he's a nice guy who prefers open and honest communication over lies and deception??? And hey..hate to burst your bubble..but I know of many a bisexual man who would delight in a threesome...so why should you assume his sexuality had anything to do with it?

Let's get real here..acceptance begins at home...If you desire acceptance...then don't label others so broadly. You are doing a great disservice to the many straight spouses of bisexual people who do what they can..the best way that they can... to have a loving and stable relationship with someone they love.

Nara_lovely

May 21, 2006, 9:57 AM

Mimi,

Please!!!..is it really necessary to lump all people into categories???? Let's get real here..acceptance begins at home...If you desire acceptance...then don't label others so broadly. You are doing a great disservice to the many straight spouses of bisexual people who do what they can..the best way that they can... to have a loving and stable relationship with someone they love.

*APPLAUDS*

I think bringing up the subject of sexual ideas or fantasies is the best way to find out.....but after you've decided if you like the person. Relationships are complex. Yes find someone accepting....not of being Bi...but of ALL parts of you and visa versa. But if it's a basic short-term romp...I'm sure there are plenty of good lines some others will be able to suggest.

mattbi27

May 21, 2006, 1:43 PM

Thanks all for your advice, I feel much more confident now!

Mimi

May 21, 2006, 7:09 PM

Mimi,

Please!!!..is it really necessary to lump all people into categories???? I find that comment offensive. Can't Fred's response be attributed to the fact that he loved and accepted his partner's honesty? Or how about the fact that he's a nice guy who prefers open and honest communication over lies and deception??? And hey..hate to burst your bubble..but I know of many a bisexual man who would delight in a threesome...so why should you assume his sexuality had anything to do with it?

Let's get real here..acceptance begins at home...If you desire acceptance...then don't label others so broadly. You are doing a great disservice to the many straight spouses of bisexual people who do what they can..the best way that they can... to have a loving and stable relationship with someone they love.
hold your horses there. i was only pointing out (albiet sarcastically) that some of the negative reactions i've gotten when coming out are when i've told lesbians who are anti-men and straight men who eroticize my bisexuality. i did not say "all lesbians" or "all men." and i specifically said to fred that he is not a "straight man with a one-track mind." note that i did not say, "fred, you are a not a straight man." i was in no way trying to attack straight spouses who are accepting and respectful of their bi spouses.

i am trying to highlight that there are some prejudices that are systemic, such as sexism. i am a believer that "the personal is political" and that culture (gender, ethnicity, sexual orientation, religion, etc.) affects each and every one of us. i may be wrong, but it sounds like you are operating from the "everyone is an individual and we need to evaluate them individually" perspective and i disagree with that -- i believe that we are all cultural beings ("no man is an island") and we have all absorbed some degree of racism, sexism, heterosexism, and monosexism that comes from the mainstream society.

and i don't see how pointing out social issues such as these is somehow impeding my acceptance of the bi community. i have actually been a very vocal activist in sexual minority and ethnic minority communities and have confronted many people on their "isms." as a matter of fact, i think that neglecting to honestly talk about all the discrimination we face holds us back. if you want to move the community forward, then i hope that you really read the spirit of what i am saying rather than reacting so strongly to my words. it is a little disturbing to me that you would get offended when someone points out something that almost all bi women face. i can bet that there are hundreds of other bi women that have faced similar objectification by some straight men and so feel cautious about coming out to straight men.

and let's get back to the topic of this thread, in which a bi man is asking for some advice about coming out to straight women (which, again, is looking at a cultural issue, not an individual issue).

mimi

csrakate

May 22, 2006, 5:51 AM

Mimi,
Take a deep breath...remove yourself from your personal agenda....and try to see what I was trying to say! All I was trying to say was that I don't agree with the statement you made to Fred. You base your claims on research I am sure...but I find what you said to Fred to be a flawed statement that reeks of personal, more emotionally based issues. Secondly...sorry.. the issues facing bisexual women do not remove the issue I was addressing...that you made a blanket statement about straight men that does not always ring true. And I am sorry..but as straight woman....my agenda is not always that of the bi woman..and if I offended any bi women...I am sorry. I was just trying to point out that you can NOT attribute sexism and objectification of women to straight men alone....It happens..it's wrong...but it does not find itself purely attached to straight men.

Mimi

May 22, 2006, 2:43 PM

All I was trying to say was that I don't agree with the statement you made to Fred.
i believe you were reading that out of context. since this thread is about the difficulties of coming out to certain groups, that statement was an affectionate one made from one bi friend to another who finds it difficult coming out to the mainstream heterosexual male population (note i am not saying entire heterosexual male population).

You base your claims on research I am sure...but I find what you said to Fred to be a flawed statement that reeks of personal, more emotionally based issues.
that statement came from research as well as years of personal experience and of contact with other bi women in organizations which i've been involved with. before you try to speak for bi women, i would suggest that you try to put yourself in our shoes. are you aware that your statements show where your blindspots are?

Secondly...sorry.. the issues facing bisexual women do not remove the issue I was addressing...that you made a blanket statement about straight men that does not always ring true.
again, i did not make a "blanket statement" about all straight men. i am always careful to say "in my experience" or "some people" when i post on these boards. please re-read all of my posts on this thread before you attack my statements.

and again, this thread is about helping mattbi27, not about me and whether what i'm saying is "accurate" to all people. i am tired of being attacked (yet again) and do not want to discuss this any further.

mimi

KatieBi

May 22, 2006, 4:57 PM

I'm more than willing to take things back to topic since Matt's question is one that I struggle with myself. I for one feel that it is probably even harder for Bi-guys (in terms of the stigmatism that comes with being bi) than bi girls.

I can't give you great advice on how I've handled the situation (since I don't think I've hit on the "magic formula" yet), but I can say my feelings as a girl who might find out that her new boyfriend/love interest is bi...

I agree with some previous posters who said you should probably "screen" your new flame first by bringing up current events/anecdotes that address GBLT issues or political/religious groups that support/oppose them - no need to continually emotionally expose yourself if it's not going to lead anywhere. Once you've had time to establish some level of connection and trust between the two of you, then bring up the bi thing - it could start as simply as agreeing with her when she mentions how hot she thinks (insert handsome male celebrity here) is.... I don't know if this will necessarily precipitate the whole sexuality conversation, but it's the level of honesty I maintain even at the very beginning of dating, so that later on, when we have the "bi discussion", they'll realize I haven't been dishonest about my attraction to women at points previous to that. I also agree with a previous thread that said you should immediately mention your views about monagamy/threesomes/safe sex, as these are the kinds of concerns and biases/fears I'd have floating around my head.

I may be bi, but I have to admit that finding this out from a guy I hadn't met in a forum like this would be a shocker (love is blind!), even though I know that given a little time, space and understanding from a guy who shared my other life values this would not be a deal-breaker. Contrary to some others, my personal view is that your new str8 partner likely won't enjoy hearing the intimate details of sex acts committed with previous boyfriends any more than she'll want to hear about sex acts committed with previous girlfriends when starting a new relationship, so I'd personally advise against that kind of detail until you both are very comfortable and secure with each other.

In any case, I wish you all the best of luck, and can say without hesitation that there are most definitely girls out there who will not care one bit about your sexuality, as long as it involves them! Until then, hugs and best wishes!

MikeW

May 22, 2006, 5:24 PM

(note i am not saying entire heterosexual male population).

again, i did not make a "blanket statement" about all straight men.
mimi

Statement in question: "well that's because you're not a straight man who has a one-track mind, fred."

No offence Mimi, but a blanket statement is exactly what your quote is/was? When I read your post, and before I read any responses to it, my first thought was "hell, what's straight got to do with it?"

I do believe you meant the statement in an off the cuff humourous way. But it did come across as a shot at straight men.

Maybe it was just a Freudian slip on your part.

canuckotter

May 22, 2006, 8:39 PM

As Katie suggested, I don't think that going into detailed descriptions of your sex acts with previous partners is necessarily a good idea. If your date wants to know more, they can ask; any more than a brief acknowledgement of your past might be a massive turn-off. I'm not suggesting hiding your past or that it's in any way wrong or shameful, I'm just saying that volunteering more information than is required may make people uncomfortable. For example, I'm well aware that my wife dated men before me, and had sex with them, and I'm fine with that, but I really don't want to hear about her previous partners' attributes or prowess. ;)

Also, don't be too surprised if women who are totally supportive of queer folk in general become very closed-minded when it comes to dating one. I have a friend who's a fantastic woman, totally no problems hanging out with gay men, bisexuals, lesbians, etc, even being extremely good friends with them, but she flat-out refuses to date bisexual men. I'm not sure what her hang-up is, but it's there... and it's probably not as rare as I hope it is. Just a heads-up. :(

MikeW

May 23, 2006, 12:57 AM

Driver 8

May 23, 2006, 10:20 AM

I usually try to avoid the word "bisexual" when I've first told someone I'm dating - not because I have a problem with the word (I don't) but because it's so loaded for a lot of non-bisexuals that they sometimes can't get past their stereotypes when they hear it.

At some point early on, before things have gotten too serious, I'll usually tell some story about an ex who isn't the same gender as the person I'm dating, which is pretty much a guarantee for some opening to say I've dated men and women. People who have major issues with bisexuals will make it clear around then, and yeah, it's no fun, but better than getting involved with them and then having it come up. More reasonable people might want to talk about monogamy or being safe or the like. (And of course you occasionally find out that the person you've started seeing is bisexual and hadn't said anything yet.)

CountryLover

May 25, 2006, 12:53 AM

I'm just blunt.

I screen my prospective dates before ever meeting them (since I do nearly all my dating off the internet). I don't want to waste time, so I simply make it clear upfront that I'm bisexual; yes, I have a girlfriend; and no, she's not available for threesomes.

Then I let 'em know that I PREFER bi men...and lo and behold how many of those "straight" men suddenly confess.......

Anyway, you've had some good advice about how to screen and come out. You've also got it in the right order - Find girlfriend, then tell her before getting naked or hearts are too involved.

Good luck ;)

Avocado

May 25, 2006, 2:31 PM

Up to you. Personally I'd wait till the 2nd day you do anything with a woman. I didn;t tell my fiancee till we were nearly 2 years together - big mistake as it gets harder and harder.

JohnnyV

May 25, 2006, 3:39 PM

I'll throw my chips in with Country Lover and say, bluntness helps. For some reason I was born without an internal editing function, so I tend to say what I'm thinking all the time. This causes me some problems in life, because I've been known to say "inappropriate" things. But it can be helpful at other times, because everyone knows what I'm thinking all the time, and I don't have to play games.

To the original poster, I would start by saying that you've just come off a hard breakup so you don't need to be jumping into serious relationships at all, to start with... Probably it's a better idea to "get your feet wet" slowly and go on a few casual dates. Let things develop naturally, but *slowly* so you don't jump off one roller coaster and get on another one.

Since you're at a delicate stage in which a fast track to serious intimacy is not advisable, then consider how much more instability you may be exposing yourself to, if you hide the fact that you're bisexual from someone you're dating on the rebound? If I were you (though I'm not you, obviously), I would be fairly open about the fact that you go both ways. If you don't want to use the term "bi," you may want to simply say that you've had relationships with both men and women.

Will some women freak out and break it off ASAP? Yes, of course. But remember, you aren't really in an emotional state to be jumping into a serious relationship especially one based on a secret or misunderstanding. Let the squeamish or narrow-minded gals run screaming. I guarantee you that you're going to come across some women who'll admire your courage and your ability to defy expectations.

I think you want to weed out the potential fiascoes early. If you were at a different stage in life -- let's say, for example, you had been single for a long time and you'd never had a relationship with a man -- then I would not be advising this. I'd say, "you don't really know what your sexuality is yet, so keep it low key." But you're a seasoned veteran of both genders, and you're mature and grown enough to be able to deal with some rejection. Since you're also sexually experienced, it's not important that you have sex soon -- you probably have enough maturity to be able to hold off if it's necessary to show restraint.

When you tell a woman that you're bi, you want to assure her that you *know* you are definitely sexually interested in women. Be up front, and respond to the likely worry, running through her head, that you're going to get bored of a woman and run off to men. Also, make the case that you're willing to stay faithful.

You don't have to tell a woman "I'm bi" in the third or fourth sentence! But I do think you ought to tell her about your situation by the third date or so, and definitely before you get sexually intimate. If I were a woman I'd be furious if a man told me something like that after I'd already exposed my body to him.

Good luck,
J

JohnnyV

May 25, 2006, 3:45 PM

It looks like there was a little bit of lively debate between Mimi and others about her remark regarding straight men. Though I'm a "2" on the Kinsey scale and therefore closer to straight than anything else, I should say I wasn't offended by what Mimi said. She said that the guy was not "a narrow-minded" straight guy. I get the gist of what she was saying the original poster is obviously someone with a sexual past more varied and expansive than a typical straight guy... I don't think it was a slam on all straight men. And even if it was a slam on all straight men, I'm not too worried -- straight guys experience the least prejudice of anyone, and they're mostly doing well enough to stand one or two jokes at their expense.

J

Avocado

May 25, 2006, 3:46 PM

I don't really agree with the Kinsey Scale.

I think it should be more

1

2
3
4
5

6

KatieBi

May 26, 2006, 6:59 AM

Also, don't be too surprised if women who are totally supportive of queer folk in general become very closed-minded when it comes to dating one. I have a friend who's a fantastic woman, totally no problems hanging out with gay men, bisexuals, lesbians, etc, even being extremely good friends with them, but she flat-out refuses to date bisexual men. I'm not sure what her hang-up is, but it's there... and it's probably not as rare as I hope it is. Just a heads-up. :(

Okay, more horribly brutal honesty here - maybe it's only me, but I can admit that I have (in the past) avoiding dating/been turned off by things as trivial as long sideburns, sweaty palms, and unique forms of laughter. All of these are personality traits - I was making no moral judgements about these people because of their sideburns, palms, or laughter, it just turned me off. Not to belittle the real prejudice that exists out there, but I think people have the right to think "that trait doesn't turn me on/attract me" without automatically acquiring the label of "discriminator" - especially if their greater circle of friends includes people of all sexualities - otherwise, we'd have to label lesbians and gay people "bigots" for not dating the opposite sex. Just a thought.

open2both

May 26, 2006, 3:03 PM

If you tell girls upfront about your bisexuality, count on 99% will reject you. Sad but true. Take it from me, I know. Women generally want to be your one and only in a relationship and do NOT want to share. And as "openminded" as people CLAIM to be in this day and age, not really so and also it still seems more "acceptable" for a woman's bisexuality than god forbid, a man.

Avocado

May 26, 2006, 6:29 PM

It's true there's a risk to a woman not wanting you if you're bi, which is all the more reason to tell a woman almost straight away in the relationship - you don't wanna get hurt further down the line or feel like you're lying to her. I'm as manoganous as they come and when you consider the amount of people who think they're straight then realise they're gay - aren't we the reassured ones? I don't think you being bi can be deemed as a physical turn-off as physically you still have the same body etc, you just happen to be bisexual. Imagine if you were dating a man then he told you he's originally from Haringey - if you dumped him you could hardly say it's a turn-off rather than bigotry thing.

JohnnyV

May 26, 2006, 6:33 PM

Avocado,

Can you throw a lifeline to those of us on (unfortunately) Bush's side of the Atlantic? What is Haringey? Where is it? And when you say "someone almost straight away" do you mean "someone who is almost straight" and you need to shoo them away?

I'm embarrassed to say that I'm sometimes a novice at British terminology and spelling... I'd be so grateful if you could clue me in.

Just a foolish little American,
J

Avocado

May 26, 2006, 6:48 PM

Sorry there was no reason why you should know where Haringey is, don't feel embarassed at all! Harringey is a borough in London where Tottenham (the football team) are based - not always my favourite place! When I say almost straight away I mean either before you do anything or at latest the 2nd day with the same member of the opposite sex. If God forbid me and my fiancee were to ever break up (I would stay single if she died, I mean while both still being alive) I would never do things the way I have again.

Mimi

May 27, 2006, 2:39 AM

KatieBi

May 31, 2006, 5:06 PM

I don't think you being bi can be deemed as a physical turn-off as physically you still have the same body etc, you just happen to be bisexual. Imagine if you were dating a man then he told you he's originally from Haringey - if you dumped him you could hardly say it's a turn-off rather than bigotry thing.

I agree with you that bisexuality may not qualify as a "physical" turn-off, but for me, at least, the greatest part of my sex/uality has to do with that most wonderful sex organ called "the mind". And something that is a mental turn-off, even when it isn't a physical trait, is still a turn off (and yes, sometimes this turn-off is bigotry). I'm just saying that I couldn't personally engage in a relationship that completely ignored/repressed my bisexuality fantasies (though personally I'm a monogamous bi) ... yet I'm willing to accept that this is a mental turn-off for some, and I choose to categorize that in the same place as I put those (including me) whose rejections due to other forms of mental silliness ... like sweating palms, unique laughs, etc, but I'm willing to accept that this is as much my personal form of "mental protection" as assuming I'm a victim of bigotry when things don't work out with someone. Once again, my take on things, but I'll be the first to admit that I have lots of personal biases and bigotries of my own ... so I may just be exhibiting another huge blind spot!

Avocado

Jun 13, 2006, 4:33 AM

I agree with you that bisexuality may not qualify as a "physical" turn-off, but for me, at least, the greatest part of my sex/uality has to do with that most wonderful sex organ called "the mind". And something that is a mental turn-off, even when it isn't a physical trait, is still a turn off (and yes, sometimes this turn-off is bigotry). I'm just saying that I couldn't personally engage in a relationship that completely ignored/repressed my bisexuality fantasies (though personally I'm a monogamous bi) ... yet I'm willing to accept that this is a mental turn-off for some, and I choose to categorize that in the same place as I put those (including me) whose rejections due to other forms of mental silliness ... like sweating palms, unique laughs, etc, but I'm willing to accept that this is as much my personal form of "mental protection" as assuming I'm a victim of bigotry when things don't work out with someone. Once again, my take on things, but I'll be the first to admit that I have lots of personal biases and bigotries of my own ... so I may just be exhibiting another huge blind spot!

Sorry for the late reply (moved so haven't had access to the internet for ages). I don't really think dumping someone is a punishable offence. If someone does dump someone for being bi, however, then they must be prepared to accept that they may or may not get criticism for it. Judgement works both ways.

JrzGuy3

Jun 14, 2006, 4:37 AM

If you tell girls upfront about your bisexuality, count on 99% will reject you. Sad but true. Take it from me, I know. Women generally want to be your one and only in a relationship and do NOT want to share.but i think that mattbi27 is monogamous (and many other bi men out there too). remember that not all bis are poly. so a woman can reject you because of your sexual orientation, because of your nonmonogamy, or both.

mimi

I agree with what you're going for, but I think you miss the point a little. Whether or not (truth being the latter) all of us are poly isn't as significant as what general perceptions are. While I wouldn't say 99%, a number definitely would- I've had this conversation with straight friends of mine (girls) in the past. I imagine that guys have a contrapositive reaction- other way around, but positive rather than negative. Many people, no matter how open they are to bisexuality as a concept, will have a knee jerk reaction when at a bar or a club and that guy/girl they've been talking says, hey, my team gets me hard/wet (whichever appropriate) just like yours does.

BI BOYTOY

Jun 14, 2006, 5:43 AM

KatieBi

Jun 14, 2006, 2:13 PM

Sorry for the late reply (moved so haven't had access to the internet for ages). I don't really think dumping someone is a punishable offence. If someone does dump someone for being bi, however, then they must be prepared to accept that they may or may not get criticism for it. Judgement works both ways.

Ava, you probably have a point there. :rolleyes: Sigh ... I guess I'm just more willing to accept/forgive people who are partially accepting of bisexuality ... it's progress, right? ... and overlook the fact that this acceptance doesn't extend to the bedroom. But maybe I'm being as terrible in my not judging these folks as I'd be if I didn't judge Johnny V's gay advocate friend who accepts help from bisexuals to forward the gay cause, but is not willing to include them in the gains made. :eek: Hrmmm...have to think about that one in the next while.

I guess, having been unfairly judged many times myself, I'm just always hesitant to rush to judgement myself.

Avocado

Jun 14, 2006, 2:43 PM

Ava, you probably have a point there. :rolleyes: Sigh ... I guess I'm just more willing to accept/forgive people who are partially accepting of bisexuality ... it's progress, right? ... and overlook the fact that this acceptance doesn't extend to the bedroom. But maybe I'm being as terrible in my not judging these folks as I'd be if I didn't judge Johnny V's gay advocate friend who accepts help from bisexuals to forward the gay cause, but is not willing to include them in the gains made. :eek: Hrmmm...have to think about that one in the next while.

I guess, having been unfairly judged many times myself, I'm just always hesitant to rush to judgement myself.

Well rolling your eyes is pretty judgemental for starters.