Going out of my mind....

[Taurus1024]

My beautiful wife is now bi-curious and is wanting to experiment, I am straight. she wants to have some ff and even fantasizes about mmf and mff. She even thinks it would be "hot" to think of me fucking another woman (without her there).
I am trying to be as supportive and loving as I can, and I want her to be happy, but how far do I let her go before it's "too far"?

[BiPhone]

I am going to answer you seriously since you will probably get some posts with things like "I don't see the problem" or "are you serious"

If you indeed are serious then I would suggest that you have an open dialogue with your wife, and let her know what you are comfortable with. If you are scared she will leave you for another woman then I wouldn't want to take part in it if I were you.

If you can come to terms with that the sex she seeks with other woman does in no way mean that you don't satisfy her and that the sex she wants to have is simply something you can't give her then thats a different matter.

That she fantasizes about threesomes is not a bad thing since everybody should have a fantasy. If she is set on living out her fantasy regardless of what you feel then that's a deal breaker.

Try to fantasize yourself. You may discover you would like to have sex with someone else too and that can be scary but it's perfectly normal.

[Taurus1024]

I believe that I have come to terms with the fact that I can not be everything to her and that I can't give her everything (sexually) that a woman could/can.
She is actively seeking someone to "show her the ropes".
We have spoken about what I am comfortable with, but she seems to want more and won't tell me about it.
I almost feel like it's her way or the highway.
I know she is exploring, but were do my feelings and our family come in?

[Long Duck Dong]

ahh the other side of the fence..... the what about me and my feelings aspect of relationships with bisexuals

your feelings and thoughts are real, valid and very important in a relationship and marriage, as it takes two people to compromise, but as you are finding, its hard to compromise without being seen as the selfish one....

I gather from your remarks that you are ok with some bisexual activities etc, but you are not overly interested in doing some of the things your wife envisages...
thats fine, you should not feel pressured into living a lifestyle you are not comfortable with as it can destroy and relationship and marriage, faster than every day arguments

the one piece of advise I will give is the same piece of advice I will give to bisexuals that want to experiment and explore their sexuality....

" both partners matter, both have rights, and both need to find the common ground... and its not always possible.... there are times when we have to take stock of the relationship / marriage and think about the future and if we have one..... " and yes its something that is easy for me to say in a forum.... but its something I have practised in my own life


personally, it sounds like you have done what I would suggest, by way of talking about it, expressing yourself, and your feelings, and how you feel / think.... and it sounds like that is not suiting your partner..... so as you say, its starting to appear like its her way or the highway......

honestly thats the same type of statements that we see in the site from bisexuals that are told no to a open relationship / casual sex etc..... and how its the hetero that is being inconsiderate and selfish.....and not thinking about what its like for the bisexual

my best advice to you, is stand your ground.... make it clear what you are ok with and not ok with..... and that gives your wife clear guidelines on what you are handle, and gives her the choice of if she can find a compromise or if she says no, she wants more... and in doing so, risks everything for the sake of sex.....

[Annika L]

I believe that I have come to terms with the fact that I can not be everything to her and that I can't give her everything (sexually) that a woman could/can.
She is actively seeking someone to "show her the ropes".
We have spoken about what I am comfortable with, but she seems to want more and won't tell me about it.
I almost feel like it's her way or the highway.
I know she is exploring, but were do my feelings and our family come in?

Sounds to me like you're already uncomfortable, and for good reasons.

I would tell her exactly what you've said here...that you think you can come to terms, but you feel like she's not telling you everything, you feel like it's her way or the highway, and where do your feelings and your family come in?

I would also strongly recommend that the two of you seek the help of a marriage counselor or therapist who has skills and background working with LGBT issues. A therapist can help open those lines of communication that you feel are not completely open. That will be critical, if anything is to go beyond the realm of fantasy.

But you sound to me like you're being wonderfully supportive and open-minded...just make sure this is done in a way that respects everybody's feelings, including yours. A therapist or counselor can also help with that.

Good luck with this, seriously.

[Realist]

I think all of the advice above is right on.

If you check the personals ads, here, there are about 250 members in your area. Maybe you both can contact some of them and begin a dialog.

If approached intelligently, with open eyes and minds, this situation can become a wonderful, adventurous, part of your lives.

I must warn you, though................ if jealousy, lying, or secrecy, becomes an issue, trouble may follow!

Don't go to bed with anything bugging you. You both must not hold anything inside. If you think it, discuss it .............and get each aspect resolved before proceeding. Honest, open, communication is the only way to an acceptance and understanding.

Good luck!