Open Relationships. Yay?/Nay?

[Gearbox]

I've always been monogamous. Never cheated! Because I never really wanted to, and I was only acting on my hetro side at the times.lol

But since I've been in the world of gay sex, I've been swayed to wanting an open relationship.
Not because I want both m&f at the same time or screw around like I'm single. But because I've met and chatted to some really fucked up jealous, paranoid, needy, insecure pieces of work on my travels.

They want OWNERSHIP of you! They want you to be their everything forever. They try to pin their reasons to believe in life&love etc etc on you, and if you FAIL THEM they are destroyed.:eek:

That's not love IMO! You can't own or confine somebody you love. And confining somebody from experiencing their own desires and self exploration in this very short life is not an act of love! It's pure childish spite!
It's not a 'gay thing' or even a 'male thing'! It's just that it's way more obvious with males IMO (not ALL males!).

I think the only way to protect myself from all that crap is to find somebody who wants an open relationship. I've been very impressed with those in open relationships so far. They seem to have their heads on the right way and know a little more about love than most others.

So what do you say? Open or closed? And why?

[Pasadenacpl2]

I'm horrible at monogamy. I've tried. I've failed. My wife is monogamous for feelings, but is ok with having NSA sex. I tend to have relationships but very little NSA sex, and those outside relationships are serially monogamous (one outdside relationship at a time).

We both struggle as our needs are very different. But, we are very committed to each other and that is what counts.

Pasa

[12voltman59]

Thanks for someone posting up a decent poll again!!

[lizard-lix]

I'm fine at monogamy, but it is not my first choice.

I'd prefer to swing in each other's company, which is what I am trying to get my wife to consider... and I'd prefer that to be a somewhat closed circle with one or a few couples for both the relationship and safety.

I am not looking for a completely open thing, with both of us seeing others alone. I've considered asking her for a 'hall pass' to hook up with a guy, but it just seems wrong for me.. (not saying anything about anyone else).

If it makes any sense, I'd be OK with it if we had a two couple relationship and not all of us had sex, but we all liked each other and would socialize and some of us have sex while others did something else (movie, converse, etc).

I guess I'd like my wife to know any lover I'd have and at least like them and vice versa. Pretty much the same feeling for friends in general.

[ErosUrge]

Well Gearbox, I can't agree more. All of what you say rings loud and true for me as well. It is true that when two people get involved in a serious relationship, too often one or the other or both react the way you've described wanting to possess every part of the experience with that person.
Now in defense of those who are monogamous and are truly happy that way, I say good for them and mean it sincerely. I would also say that those who are on solid ground in a monogamous relationship without casting judgment on others for their choices which differ from theirs are to be credited. I think those particular couples have found a way to relate to one another not as possessions but simply with the commitment to one another without desiring or acting on desires outside their relationship. If I could do this, I would. But I know too well that even when I am with a woman who cares deeply for me and I for her, I can't deny my desire for the same sex. Some women have approved of this, but most haven't. For the ones that did, we parted because of other reasons and it's very clear that was the case. In fact, I am still very good friends with those women. So, I would have to say that my vote would have to be with being in an open relationship.

[shroderdog]

They want OWNERSHIP of you! They want you to be their everything forever. They try to pin their reasons to believe in life&love etc etc on you, and if you FAIL THEM they are destroyed.:eek:



Unfortunately these types are not just limited to the world of monogamy either. I am married going on 15 years now that started as an open relationship and over time we have both ran into people that have put us on a pedestal and pinned hopes and dreams around the idea of love. Granted they are easier to spot as they eventually start proclaiming how they want to save us from this life and how we deserve to be with just them... then we tell them to fuck off.

But to answer your question, I would pick open relationship all the way. To me it just seems more natural. And I would not select this choice for the sex. I tend to form a close bond to people I do things with and there are activities that I love that my wife hates, and vice versa. Why stop and limit things that could grow beyond?

[tenni]

I was torn between single and open relationship but I voted open.

I think what I would really like to try is what is called a "closed loop relationship". As I understand it it does involve three people who are in a relationship but not necessarily all together at the same time all the time. My drathers would be a woman and a guy but not necessarily living all in one house. The woman could be in another loop with another woman if she wanted. Despite what I post here sometimes that might give the impression otherwise, I'm kinda a one on one guy but just not quite monogamous. I've been monogamous with women.....kinda monogamous with a guy or two (at the same time)..:tong: I agree with Shoderdog that I like it to be more than sex with both. I don't think that I will find what I'm looking for though.

Thanks Gearbox for having a thread that is not jumping up and down about monogamy. The ownership aspect can be sensitive.

[Diva667]

FYI: A closed loop arrangement is usually called "polyfidelity" an can be a triad or quad or ?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polyfidelity

Polyfidelity (also sometimes called "Polyexclusivity") is a form of polyamory where all members are considered equal partners and agree to be sexually active only with other members of the group. The term originated in the Kerista Village commune in San Francisco which practiced polyfidelity from 1971–1991.[1] The community expected all of its members, within bounds of gender and sexual orientation, to be sexually active with all other members, and for exclusive relationships not to be formed. However, this aspect of polyfidelity is not always expected today

[chapear]

I would prefer a closed loop arrangement. Tried monogamy it doesn't work for me.

[Stargazer1417]

Good poll but none of the options really sum up my feelings and I'd imagine a lot of people are in the same boat.

I am in a relationship and I love it. I don't want an "open relationship" because that implies that either of us can be off sleeping with other people without any accountability to the other. I also don't want a strictly "monogomous relationship" beacause that implies that neither of us has sex with anyone not in the relationship, if that makes sense. My ideal is an otherwise monogomous relationship wherein we explore sexual options and play together... perhaps a third person in the bedroom with both of us, etc. while we are completely emotionally faithful and neither of us is pursuing options outside our activities together.

I don't think there is a right or wrong answer here... normal is whatever works for you. Just my preference, for what its worth.

Perhaps I'm just being to strict in my definitions. Does anybody else think there should be another option?

[tenni]

Star & Diva
Close to what I'm thinking but the wiki definition is not quite it. I'm not sure if I'd call the relationship equal but certainly it would have aspects of equality. It would be a relationship that would grow and be considerate of the other two people. If it became too controlling and vetoing like Gearbox referred to, I suspect that it might self distruct. It might be impossible. From what I've read Void, his wife & Elian have something close to what I am thinking about but I believe that distance is a challenge for them. Each closed loop may have some unique features that are decided upon for however long the loop surivives.

I think that I like the term closed loop better than poly whatever..easier to remember...:bigrin:

[JP1986UM]

Lizard what you want is a Closed Loop Relationship. Many gay/bi men opt for that with their wife's ok.

I am doing that sort of at the moment, except my BF is divorced.

I wish you luck finding one. They are out there. Look on Yahoo for the CLR group.

As for me, I also voted Open. I am not nor have I really ever been an endorser of monogamy. Don't believe in it as a long term ideal. I do plan on being with my wife for as along as we are alive, but I do need a man in my life to fill that void she can't provide.

[Gearbox]

God! There's so many kinds of relationships that I couldn't list all varieties of them (or know their labels.:bigrin:).

I've changed my needs and my limits over the years like most people. So I think being flexible would be a good way for any relationship to last (in all ways. Not just sex!).

@Stargazer1417 - I know what you mean. Even in non-monogamous relationship there should be some consideration to all involved. No good having a partner if he/she is out 7 nights a week with somebody else. You can't take the 3rd to the Ritz and your partner to McDonald's. That's just asking for trouble!:bigrin:
We can't avoid rules and systems! Yours seem perfectly reasonable!;)

@Diva667 - Now that sounds fantastic! As long as there's no outside action it would be a healthy option too. I bet it's a bugger to get every body agreeing to who can join the group though (I like young f's and mature m's).:bigrin:

[NakedInSeattle]

I'm assuming "open relationship" means having a serious relationship with someone but still being able to play with other people (also assuming that she can, too). Why wouldn't anyone like this kinda deal? The comfort of a relationship and the variety of other people? What's not to like?

[cliffml]

I've always been monogamous in every serious relationship i've had, whether with a woman or a man.

[innaminka]

At this stage of my life - I voted monogamous.
And i am! :tongue:
Three years ago, I would certainly have voted open, because that was the way my life was - I could possibly have "open marriaged" for Australia.

Now, I have found real, honest, no frill love, I want emotionally to be mono.
It gives me such a sense of belonging: we both feel the same way.
I am basking in monogomy!!:):):female::female:

[marks890]

My wife and I have an open marriage although I don't really don't date other women however I do encourage my wife to date other men.

[mikey3000]

I'm in a closed loop relationship and it works for me.

[nudistharry]

I chose open relationship, but in reality it depends on the people. Jealousy and security plays a big role in determining what type is best.
I could easily be in an open relationship since I am not the jealous type and am very secure in my relationship with my wife. My wife, on the other hand, is VERY jealous (even though she feels secure in our relationship) and a monogamous relationship is the only that would work for her.

[lizard-lix]

Lizard what you want is a Closed Loop Relationship. Many gay/bi men opt for that with their wife's ok.

I am doing that sort of at the moment, except my BF is divorced.

I wish you luck finding one. They are out there. Look on Yahoo for the CLR group.

As for me, I also voted Open. I am not nor have I really ever been an endorser of monogamy. Don't believe in it as a long term ideal. I do plan on being with my wife for as along as we are alive, but I do need a man in my life to fill that void she can't provide.

I'd like that, but I'd most like it if the closed loop was with another couple or a few.. If she wanted just a guy to join us, that'd be OK. But, like I said, I'd prefer not to have a BF in a situation where we played together without her, I believe that would lead to her feeling left out, which I totally don't want, and it doesn't seem like she wants me to go play alone either..

I would be OK with finding a similar couple, where I go play with the guy, while the girls go play in the garden or talk books... if they were not inclined to play with us or each other.

We compared it to other activities, I workout, shoot, fish and ride bicycles with others by myself, and that has never been an issue; but sex is different, to her for sure.. Not so much for me as I separate sex for love from sex for friendship/recreation; she doesn't. So that won't work I am afraid, at least not unless something changes...

So for the moment, we are just working on the concept of breaking monogamy in some way. Once we can work that out that, we decide on the exact details of who, how, under what circumstances, etc...

[welickit]

I guess we are a bit unusual in this regard. Both of us are bisexual and quite comfortable with it. We are not swingers and don't care for sleeping around. However, when it comes to sex with someone else, more often than not it is someone we know. I guess you could say the sex is an extension of an existing friendship. Our gay and lesbian friends see us as being normal while most of the straight friends we have had find us a bit unusual. It works for us so we have little concern for what someone else may think.

Point being: Different strokes for different folks. Those who are openly honest with each other and communicate are always by far the happiest. The cheats, liars and sneaks always come asking the same old questions trying to justify what they do. If you have a good thing you know it. If not there will always be polls and people who share an opinion of what works for them. It all seems to keep this site hopping.

:bipride:

[DuckiesDarling]

While I myself am mongamous, I do realize there is nothing with people who are into open relationships as long as everyone in that relationship wants it to be open. Wanting to be open when hooked with a monogamous natured person might fly for a bit, eventually it's gonna be like a pressure cooker and the lid will fly off.

So to each their own as long as all partners agree, you can't be monogamous by yourself or in an open relationship by yourself, there is someone to always be considered, they are called your partner.

[roy m cox]

open relationship and damn proud of it :bigrin:

:bipride::bipride::bipride::bipride:

[_someone_]

While I myself am mongamous, I do realize there is nothing with people who are into open relationships as long as everyone in that relationship wants it to be open. Wanting to be open when hooked with a monogamous natured person might fly for a bit, eventually it's gonna be like a pressure cooker and the lid will fly off.

So to each their own as long as all partners agree, you can't be monogamous by yourself or in an open relationship by yourself, there is someone to always be considered, they are called your partner.

Yes.

Though to answer the poll: I'd likely prefer monogamy to open relationships.

[tenni]

For me this thread is about our own wishes for a relationship. It is not about making statements about how other people decide to live. To do so is to be judgmental. I don't think that being judgmental and putting conditions on how others live should have any place on a bisexual site. The fact that most wish for an open relationship is interesting. Most of us are bisexual and the vast majority prefer an open relationship (of those that responded). It is telling that the monosexual wanted to put conditions on how others live.

[NotLostJustWandering]

"Monogamouse"? Ew. Not into bestiality.

[Annika L]

Good poll but none of the options really sum up my feelings and I'd imagine a lot of people are in the same boat.

I am in a relationship and I love it. I don't want an "open relationship" because that implies that either of us can be off sleeping with other people without any accountability to the other. I also don't want a strictly "monogomous relationship" beacause that implies that neither of us has sex with anyone not in the relationship, if that makes sense. My ideal is an otherwise monogomous relationship wherein we explore sexual options and play together... perhaps a third person in the bedroom with both of us, etc. while we are completely emotionally faithful and neither of us is pursuing options outside our activities together.

I don't think there is a right or wrong answer here... normal is whatever works for you. Just my preference, for what its worth.

Perhaps I'm just being to strict in my definitions. Does anybody else think there should be another option?

You've described my feelings and preference quite well here!

The unfortunate part of what you suggest is with mandating "completely emotionally faithful". My issue is that emotions simply cannot be mandated or controlled, just because the partners decide on a rule. This is possibly the biggest reason my partner and I do not yet have precisely the kind of relationship you describe. For this reason, I favor polyfidelity as Diva describes it. But I'm sure that is fraught with issues too, such as "what if there are emotions between persons A and B, and persons B and C, but not so much (or there's a falling-out) between persons A and C?" Meh, I hate life's complications.

But yes, I agree with you completely that the options in the poll are too limited.

[piercedcurious]

My wife and I tried a couple of closed poly relationships and it got to be too complicated to try and keep everyone feeling special and there be no jealousy. Our first was a really nice guy that in hindsight we should have held on to but we didn't know what we wanted. Anyway, I say if your relationships can handle it then great, if not don't cheat. We decided that our relationship couldn't handle it so we went back to just us. Take care of the people that love you and they'll take care of you.

[Darkside2009]

Curious! no one seems to have mentioned one of the primary reasons for monogamy,(at least in my view), that of raising children.

As the adult human child takes eighteen years to reach adulthood, longer than any other species of animal, it requires a lot of nurturing and a great investment of time, energy and concern.

What woman would wish to become pregnant if she thought her partner would not be around the following week, month or year to help raise the child? It makes perfect sense to seek a mate that will commit to that relationship and no other.

Could a partner fulfil their function adequately if they had to work to feed three families instead of just one? Would they have the time left, or the energy to invest in emotional bonding with their partner to keep the relationship strong, I would think not.

If one or other of the partners is not happy in the relationship it tends to impact upon the children of that relationship, it is not just the adult partners that suffer.

There are other species of animal that mate for life, that seek out the same partner year after year, ignoring other partners, often after long absences from each other. The reason being that they know they have successfully raised young with that partner before and can probably do so again.

Anyone who observes wildlife can watch them going through bonding rituals prior to breeding. These rituals obviously perform a needed function. Often one suitor is rejected in favour of another. The effect of which is to perpetuate the strongest and healthiest genes. The genes of those who fail to secure a mate will die out, yet it seems a biological imperative buried deep within us to perpetuate something of ourselves.

Therein lies the dichotomy, whilst it is often said that men are biologically profiled to have as many partners as they can, in order to further their chances of having off-spring. Women, being more intimately involved with carrying the baby during pregnancy and of feeding it and ensuring its emotional well-being have a different imperative. To ensure they find a strong and healthy partner than can provide for her and the child/children whilst she is unable.

In former times that may have meant securing the best hunter/gatherer, but in latter times the one with the greatest earning potential.

Any digression from that monogamy, either by that partner, or from outside influences trying to impinge upon it, threatened the family unit and was to be resisted.

Hence the previously stronger stigmas attached to illegitimate children,
divorce, incest and homosexual behaviour. They were all regarded as threats to family life and the family unit because they caused schisms and divided loyalties within the family.

I find it interesting to note, that most of those on this thread, expressing a preference for so-called open relationships, happen to be male. That many of the bisexuals come to this decision later in life and their wives are left with little option to accept it or divorce. Simply because through age and financial circumstance, they are no longer in a position to go it alone.

As the previous stigmas have broken down or ameliorated financial settlements have had to become more generous to compensate.

Monogamy has been around for a great length of time for the simple reason it best serves the purpose of raising ones children. In this you may also see an answer to a question raised in a previous thread as to why HIV+ and STI's infection rates are so prevalent among homosexuals, despite them composing such a small percentage of the overall population.

As homosexuals were not able to have children between themselves, one of the prime reasons for monogamous behaviour was absent. More partners meant more risk, as not everyone would avail of safe sex practices, more risk culminated in increased infection rates.

As homosexual and lesbian couples are now allowed to marry/have civil partnerships, adopt and raise children, it will be interesting to see if there will be a new-found interest in monogamous relationships. It is in Human nature to protect ones own interests, and for this reason I think monogamy will become popular again.

[Long Duck Dong]

personally for myself, I would perfer a monogamous relationship, but as stargazer and annika point out, emotions are not controlled by relationship rules..... so yeah, a open romantic relationship is something I would also consider.....

to me, monogamy is not a commitment to have sex with one person only... its a vow to be there for a partner, to love, cherish, support and assist a person in the same way we would ask them to love, cherish, support and assist us... the sex / lovemaking is a aspect of the total package......

and that is how the romantic aspect works into it... we are free to love and care about those around us, freely..... and without guilt.... cos we may be able to control our bodies but our emotions have a mind of their own

[cuttin2dachase]

I am emotionally monogamous with women, but sexually bi-poly. My 1st wife and I started out innocently by trying swinging with other couples. She was really turned on having sex with me other men in our bed, but did not like sharing me and watching me with other women. She frequently expressed a fantasy and desire to watch me have sex with other men. The more she teased me and coaxed me to try it, the more curious (and excited) I became about the idea, since one my biggest turns-ons was watching her being an insatiable vixen with other men (and me!). It was during a 4some with a bi couple that I tried oral sex with a man for the 1st time...she was very turned on by it and I was interested in exploring it further. It was then that we began to seek and meet bi men for fun. It excited both of us and I came to terms with my bi-ness. It became our favorite sexual variation and I do not regret it. Henceforth I suppose we had an open marriage, but it was open only to other men !

[schecter]

i've tried an open relationship once it was great for a while. we had ground rules that were perfect.
1.) no ex's
2.) no fooling around with other people if we're fighting
3.) no secret fucking
that lasted about a year and was great sometimes we'd have 3somes sometimes we'd just have sex with other people without our each other being involved at all. she eventually developed a drug problem, broke some of the rules and we stopped trusting each-other and you cant have an open relationship without trust

[cuttin2dachase]

Yes I agree there must be groundrules in swinging and in open marriages... and also that...when groundrules are broken, trust is broken. 1st wife and I agreed to restrict our extramarital play to other men only (because of her jealousy issues with me and other women). She stacked the deck in her favor LOL. I permitted her to "pimp" for us. She was allowed to meet men through her business or apres-work during happy hour...if she was attracted to him (and she frequently was) she was to get his phone # but never give out our phone #. BTW there was no internet then and only rich people and the government had mobile phones LOL. She would come home very excited and tell me all about the hot guy she met and get me hotter (as we were sucking & fucking each others' brains out). She'd call him a day or 2 later, with me listening on the extension phone LOL. She would seduce him and and tell him her hubby was listening in (and bi) and that we'd like a 3some with him. Most of the time he would freak out and hang up <click>, but we did occasionally meet a bi or bi-curious man, make a date with him and a great time was had by all :)

Well (and I know you all saw it coming)...she broke the trust. I traveled frequently in my job...never suspected she was calling and making dates with the <clicks> and the couples we had met before while I was away. I returned from a 2-week business trip to LA and saw the telltale signs that there had been other men and couples in my home and I confronted her with it. She admitted that she had met other men and couples only because "you weren't here and I was horny". It would have been OK with me if she had just been honest and told me she wanted to have sex with other men and couples when I was away...so long as I could have sex with other men/women/couples in my travels with full disclosure afterwardsl...what a fool I was ! I told her henceforth she could have all the lovers she wanted and that I was going to have all the lovers I wanted too ! That's when she left me...She said she'd come back to me if I promised to never cheat on her! I said no dice...we'd either have a totally open marriage or not...

[tallguy45]

i have been in an open relationship with my partner for two out of seven years that we've been together and it has improved our relationship alot. i strongly believe that there is no wrong or right way to have a relationship. its all in how comfortable you feel with your other half and what you find acceptable for each other.

[Newly_Bi]

I'm in an open relationship now. I'm married but due to recently finding out I'm bi, my wife is allowing me to explore all of these new feelings I am getting including dating and fucking other guys.

[darkeyes]

I'm horrible at monogamy. I've tried. I've failed. My wife is monogamous for feelings, but is ok with having NSA sex. I tend to have relationships but very little NSA sex, and those outside relationships are serially monogamous (one outdside relationship at a time).

We both struggle as our needs are very different. But, we are very committed to each other and that is what counts.

PasaNot sure wy I have missed this thread.. wos I dead at time:eek2: or dying? That's as maybe... O well.. am alive now and well and happy tyvm:impleased.. Question pasa me luffly... ur wife is ok wiv NSA nookie (assume we r talking no strings not security agency) but not wiv feelings... me question is this.. how do we legislate for feelings? Feelings are something we have.. we may be able to control them 2 some degree but we cannot stop them happening altogether... we do not decide to be fond of someone or to love them.. or loathe.. we do.. it happens... feelings are a bit like our sexuality and can be (although not necessarily are) linked... we are what we are.. we do not decide to be... and we feel what we feel.. we do not decide to feel.. we may stop either or both getting the better of us and/or dominating or lives.. we may lie about them even, but both exist whether we like it or not.. this isn't a criticism of the wife, babes.. just something for her to ponder:)...

[Volodya]

That's not love IMO! You can't own or confine somebody you love. And confining somebody from experiencing their own desires and self exploration in this very short life is not an act of love! It's pure childish spite!


“Add the fact that more than 85 percent of human societies were preferentially polygynous [husband has multiple wives] before the cultural homogenization generated by Western missionaries, and humanity's "natural" harem-keeping proclivity is essentially proven.”
https://chronicle.com/article/Sexthe-Single-Organism/142243/


Why only a single 'open relationship'? Missing an attractive option in the poll, I had to choose “single”.

Human beauty fades away almost as quickly as a cherry blossom, and repetition leads to boredom. I don't want to eat the same dish every day, read the same book, or see and listen to the same body every day. Variatio delectat! A rotation scheme with as many lovers as possible and extras for the remaining slots is the most attractive option for me. Keeping many balls in the air keeps you young and sharp, and not living together with a lover and thus always longing for the absent lovers is the best way to keep the loves alive. Until they fade away.

[scapegoat1987]

I don't recall ever actually cheating on someone. I'm generally upfront about whether or not I'm willing to be exclusive with a person, and I'm adamant about communication, trust and honesty. However, most of my relationships have been open to some degree, and I tend to be fine with that. I actually have less of a desire to be with other people once the opportunity is there. I suppose it's reverse psychology or something. And I was involved in two rather successful poly relationships in my younger days and enjoyed those the most. I wish I could find another compelling poly triad.

[dafydd]

What an absolute load of horseshit..especially from one of the most intelligent men ... Sorry..*the* most intelligent man, I've ever met online. I'm sorry but u are too smart for this, gorjus.

your pandering to the mass consciousness should leave u feel ashamed, baba.
ashamed.


I've always been monogamous. Never cheated! Because I never really wanted to, and I was only acting on my hetro side at the times.lol

But since I've been in the world of gay sex, I've been swayed to wanting an open relationship.
Not because I want both m&f at the same time or screw around like I'm single. But because I've met and chatted to some really fucked up jealous, paranoid, needy, insecure pieces of work on my travels.

They want OWNERSHIP of you! They want you to be their everything forever. They try to pin their reasons to believe in life&love etc etc on you, and if you FAIL THEM they are destroyed.:eek:

That's not love IMO! You can't own or confine somebody you love. And confining somebody from experiencing their own desires and self exploration in this very short life is not an act of love! It's pure childish spite!
It's not a 'gay thing' or even a 'male thing'! It's just that it's way more obvious with males IMO (not ALL males!).

I think the only way to protect myself from all that crap is to find somebody who wants an open relationship. I've been very impressed with those in open relationships so far. They seem to have their heads on the right way and know a little more about love than most others.

So what do you say? Open or closed? And why?

[dafydd]

Thanks for someone posting up a decent poll again!!

It is not a decent poll. It is a dumb, obvious, cretinous poll.
get a grip

[Gearbox]

What an absolute load of horseshit..especially from one of the most intelligent men ... Sorry..*the* most intelligent man, I've ever met online. I'm sorry but u are too smart for this, gorjus.

your pandering to the mass consciousness should leave u feel ashamed, baba.
ashamed.
OUCH!:eek: Caught me right on my tail bone yu beast!lol

Well yes must admit I did wonder what got up my chuff when I posted this pole.:oh: But as shamefully tactless as I presented it, I still hold to the belief that those who wouldn't run from the offer of an open relationship would be far less likely to suffer from those negative emotions. That isn't to say that I wouldn't be monogamous! Just would be much happier being monog with someone who just wanted to be with me, and not coz they need monog more than they need me.

I don't think that's too much to ask for, or expect from a partner. I've done my share of suffering the abuse from them and trying my damndest to rid the fears in them. But the men I meet just offer more of the same, and I'm getting too old for that.
I want to be in my rocking chair one day, smoking a pipe and admiring the daffodils through the French windows.:) NOT being accused of eyeing up the 'dirty slut' in next doors garden by my neurotic partner on zimmerframe trying to throw a colostomy bag at me.:eek2: The fekin nutter!lol
I'd rather be alone than avert my eyes from the 'evils' of the world. Aversion therapy from the one that loves you is just the same as from the one that hates you.

When fear rides in, love jumps out of the way, and I don't want that! But this thread reeks of fear, as if I saw the zombie apocalypse surrounding me when writing it.lol That's what it feels like when I meet men my age & older display a complete disinterest in getting their heads rid of all those silly insecurities, jealousies and fears and just love for loves sake.WTF have they been doing all this time?:confused:

[dafydd]

For me this thread is about our own wishes for a relationship. It is not about making statements about how other people decide to live. To do so is to be judgmental. I don't think that being judgmental and putting conditions on how others live should have any place on a bisexual site. The fact that most wish for an open relationship is interesting. Most of us are bisexual and the vast majority prefer an open relationship (of those that responded). It is telling that the monosexual wanted to put conditions on how others live.

The reason why open relationships are favoured on this site is because there is a large proportion of men here that aren't out and want to cheat on their wives.

[dafydd]

G, u know ur words melt my heart. I'm sorry for reacting negatively.
tea?

xxd

[Gearbox]

G, u know ur words melt my heart. I'm sorry for reacting negatively.
tea?

xxd
I wouldn't have you any other way yu lovely bugger.:bowdown:
Pop to mine for tea & light refreshments and I'll explain myself better.lol

[semibi]

Get a room. :)

- Bisexual. Never tried it. Not out. Married. Monogamous. Never cheated. No interest in cheating. Voted B - prefer monogamous.

[dafydd]

Get a room. :)

- Bisexual. Never tried it. Not out. Married. Monogamous. Never cheated. No interest in cheating. Voted B - prefer monogamous.

Oh thank god....finally...someone with decency on here! Yeah!
U know FYI that's actually kinda hot. Wife cheaters take note.


dx

[dafydd]

I don't recall ever actually cheating on someone. I'm generally upfront about whether or not I'm willing to be exclusive with a person, and I'm adamant about communication, trust and honesty. However, most of my relationships have been open to some degree, and I tend to be fine with that. I actually have less of a desire to be with other people once the opportunity is there. I suppose it's reverse psychology or something. And I was involved in two rather successful poly relationships in my younger days and enjoyed those the most. I wish I could find another compelling poly triad.

Nice pic scapegoat1987

[justcurious4me]

Ya know... It's funny that this topic happened to come up, because just the other week I saw an article on CNN.com that was talking about how Poly/Open relationships are becoming more mainstream and accepted in today's society. I wish I still had the link to it, because it was a good read. Anyway, as for me... Considering the current issues in my relationship (physical limitations for her), I'm very much for an open relationship. I fully believe that it is entirely possible for a person to love more than one person. Now this might be a wrong way at looking at it, but if you think of the benefits of it to today's society, it makes a lot of sense. Extra support (emotional, physical and financial) for all involved. As long as everyone is happy and respects one another, it could be one hell of a great arrangement. Just my quick two cents...

[amorous945]

If it was up to me, I would prefer to be in an open relationship. I was in one for a very short time, but jealousy killed it, sadly. An open relationship is definitely not for everyone, but I believe that some people are just wired that way. Of course, when I use the term open relationship, it means more than just casual, sport oriented sex, such as you see in swinging, and allows for the possibility of love to be expressed with the other partner. There are people who don't believe that you can love more than one person, but I know you can, because I have.

[bigtime2013]

id prefer an open relationships but wife is a nay, would enjoy a cock while she watches

[elian]

I don't have enough experience to be able to offer a sound opinion. On one hand I want to love everyone, on the other hand I would like to have the emotional security of knowing there is someone you can rely on who loves you very deeply. Sounds sort of like an "open" leaning but when I see myself, I see myself being happy in a monogamous relationship.

As many of you have pointed out, the issue is something personal that I need to work on..a relationship should be loving and supportive but not co-dependent..need to maintain interests outside of the relationship although I am not sure this should extend to "sex" or not - I guess it really depends on what the partners agree to.

I tried loving a couple once, I found it emotionally draining because I wanted to be there for both of them - I was young and really unsure of myself at the time.

I worry too much about being judged by others to really live my true feelings; which is strange because as far as I know I only have one opportunity to live this life. Then again, I am used to being patient, delayed gratification does have some rewards at times.

[cuttin2dachase]

I am 60 now and became bi at age 32, so in 4 years I will have been bi for half my life LOL. In 2 marriages totalling 35 years of my life, I remained faithful to both wives, only to discover both wives cheated on me on numerous occasions. I am emotionally a heterosexual, having always wanted and cherished a wife or female significant other in my life and never desiring more than a sexual relationship with men. My preference for women as companions/soulmates will never change, however at this stage in my life I will seek only an open relationship with a woman. I will not again be trapped in a marriage or monogamous relationship which forbids or restricts my fulfilling my mm desires.

[curious44]

Married close to 5 decades. We were active swingers for many of those years and both enjoyed same sex activities, my wife much more than me because the opportunities for women are so much greater than for men. Her interest in sex eventually disappeared with age along with my interest in women. I now consider myself a Kinsey 5. The only thing that keeps me from calling myself a 6 is the fact that I have a wife. We never experienced jealous or insecurity. My wife encourages me to seek like minded males. She says, "I know you need that".

[void()]

They want OWNERSHIP of you! They want you to be
their everything forever. They try to pin their reasons to believe in
life&love etc etc on you, and if you FAIL THEM they are destroyed.

That's not love IMO! You can't own or confine somebody you love.
And confining somebody from experiencing their own desires and self
exploration in this very short life is not an act of love! It's pure
childish spite!

Wow! You hit all the nails on the head. Thanks for unwittingly speaking
my mind for me. :) *chuckles* And I do not mean that as mean, you
genuinely have expressed my feelings, thoughts on the issue. Thank you.

For the longest time I have felt, no one person has right to own another
person. That includes love, sexuality. Been with me since at least third
year of what the British refer to as grammar school. We call it third
grade here. Which is weird because counting kindergarten we go four years
to reach third grade.

In third grade, I felt I had a boyfriend and a girlfriend whom both
loved me. We saw nothing wrong in that. Adults involved let it be as
they used logic, "kids being kids, they'll grow out of it." My boyfriend
and girlfriend of that period did grow out of it, I didn't.

And I understand for many folks that may seem a bisexual person is
selfish. I disagree, we are more compassionate, more selfless than many
others. We experience love in its purest sense, freedom. I am adamant
in regards of thinking someone needs to put a gun to another's head to
attain their love. The idea of ownership implies that for me.

[manmeat50]

Very good...agree. Happily married and out to my wife as a bisexual. Its about honesty. I used to sneak around on the DL and acted on impulse. What we have is real, and sex is great...but she does not have a cock. So, porn helps and we have an understanding. She would rather I be honest than lie and still wants me to be careful. For my birthday last year she let me play. I shaved up, tucked into a pair of jeans with no underware, showed her and she smiled and said have fun...I did, came home and it just felt weird....like I did something I shouldn't have and took a few days to feel right...not her but me. Now we just don't talk about it but she knows and I don't talk about it sometimes during sex it will come up and its a turn on.

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

Its up to the individual parties to decide what's best/right for Them. An open relationship can be the greatest thing in the world...or the most devastating. Depends on sooo many variables. If both parties are in total agreement, and abide by given guidelines, then to each their own. And to those who Havent lived it, then you have No room to condemn anyone who has, or Does, live this way.
In the words of My generation: Dont knock it til you've tried it!
Cat

[thisisdjb74]

I like this thread, out of all the ones I've seen so far, because like so many others I'm facing this situation now. I'm in a 6-month relationship with a gay man who loves me balls-to-bones, through-and-through, but he just isn't open to an open relationship, and I love having sex with women as much as I love having sex with men....50-50 across the board.

I thought that was the case for all bisexuals but from what I'm reading on this site it seems some bisexuals lean more towards women with guys on the side and some lean more towards men with women on the side. I'm simply not wired that way and I want both equally. At least when it comes to sex.

As far as a relationship goes I seem to get along better with men but that doesn't mean a bisexual woman couldn't come along and we connect really well. I'm done trying to be in a monogamous relationship with straight women because it never goes well, especially when the issue of my bisexuality comes up. Ideally, I'd like to be in a loving, trustworthy, respected, loyal, committed and open relationship with another bisexual, be the person female or male. I believe it is possible, though my current boyfriend and my straight friends disagree. For me, it is all about healthy communication, open-mindedness and of course trust. If you can't trust your partner forget about setting up mutual guidelines in an open relationship. I know from talking to my boyfriend he would not be the right person to have an open relationship with, though if I wanted a strictly gay monogamous relationship he would be perfect.

This is what I'm struggling with now--to stay in a monogamous gay relationship where I am definitely loved and cared for, or give up his love and try to find a bisexual female or male whom I'm not only physically attracted to and have great sexual chemistry, but also someone whom I'm intellectually and emotionally compatible with, and who has a personality and sense of humor that meshes well with my own.

At least, from what I can tell on this site, I'm not alone in my thinking, which gives me hope. :)

[HenryDaniel]

My wife and I have an open relation ship. Before we were married I told her I was Bi , she asked me to explain , I did and she said as long as I was careful no problem. After we were mrried for a few years we had same room sex with other couples but found the majority of men , did not want to have sex with me. So we changed to three way sex with another man. Wife enjoys two men loving her and really gets off seeing us suck each others cocks. She also knows I have a group of 9 friends , all married , that get together once or twice a week and suck J/O & watch each other have sex.

[12voltyV2.0]

I do want to know what a "monogamouse" is!! LOL

[dafydd]

Personally I think it's sick that G could even start this debate. Shame on you.
You used to be my rock. :(

[newlynymphos]

Definately open! And my wife knows about my fuck buddies, as I do hers :) .
23974
I'm the bottom in the pic :) He was awesome! Outdoor MMM 3some on a warm day in September!

[Gearbox]

Personally I think it's sick that G could even start this debate. Shame on you.
You used to be my rock. :(
Oh c'mon, you must have at least a slight appreciation for the honesty of it all?:bowdown: Peeps tick differently, and whether they lean towards monog or non-monog, honesty & trust are are always the pillars in any relationship. No need to take a poll on those two things coz there's no debating that, as you can see from this thread.
Isn't it lovely to have such a universal theme through all the variations?:)

[dafydd]

Oh c'mon, you must have at least a slight appreciation for the honesty of it all?:bowdown: Peeps tick differently, and whether they lean towards monog or non-monog, honesty & trust are are always the pillars in any relationship. No need to take a poll on those two things coz there's no debating that, as you can see from this thread.
Isn't it lovely to have such a universal theme through all the variations?:)

oh ok. You've convinced me. Xxx

[Annika L]

Personally, I think monogamice are cute as hell!

[Hypersexual11]

For the first 20 years of marriage, I put on the monog face while raising a family. Then for many years, cheated with guys. Then started bisexual MMF with the wife. Now we are moving toward a closed loop relationship where I can see a guy on the side, but just one. We'll see how it goes. At this point in our relationship, I would have very little problem with her screwing someone on the side as long as it stayed nsa, and she's a freak in bed with an nsa partner.

[biforareason]

My wife and I love our open relationship. After raising our family and the kids are through collage, we find ourselves revisiting our collage days of our bi sexual sex party days.

[djones]

Monogamy is fine - was in a monogamous relationship (marriage) for 15 years. Never strayed or cheated (even though I certainly had desires for some same sex action !). Four years after my marriage ended, and I find myself in a polyamorous situation - a primary female partner (my girlfriend) and a primary male partner (my "bro-friend") and the occasional date here and there (men and women). The thing that makes it all work is honesty and openness. Everyone knows what I'm getting up to, who I am seeing, what I am doing, etc. etc. . I wasn't seeking a polyamorous life, it more or less found me. I may someday end up monogamous again if that's how things play out. Still, I wasn't looking to jump back in to a monogamous relationship, but I find having quality and meaningful relationships with people is much more rewarding than serial dating. Seems I'm the lucky SOB that can have it all !