Little advice please answer with any opinion.

[dman82]

I recently discovered something about myself, and I am kind of confused as to what I should do if anything. My wife and I love eachother deeply on all aspects. But something inside is telling me I am not completely loved, because we are not as physical as we once were. She has never cheated on me and is afraid she would loose me if she shared me.
We help eachother in every which way we can. But we hardly ever make out any more, hardly ever have sex. You know all the fun llittle physical things. Anyway even though I know she loves me I feel as if I am not completely loved. Like I have to be more physical to be loved in general.
Is this natural or normal. What should I do? Do I find someone on the side and not let her know since she is scared to share? Do I seek theropy that I can't afford? Please anyone any advice will be taken into consideration.

[Yoyome100]

Probably pretty common. Two people who always have the desire for sex or just touch is unlikely in the long run. It happens but probably as common as twins.

[lizard-lix]

We've been marrieds almost 32 years and that happened to us as well.. We got to the point where we were close to a perfectly oiled room mate machine. Everything smooth and efficient but hardly any passion.. Neither of us ever cheated, we just got dull...

It could have stayed that way easily... Then several years ago, about when I hit 50, I decided a few things... I wasn't dead yet and I didn't want to play dead.. Part of my decision was giving up management and going back to being an engineer, the other was to fix our broken romance and sex life...

Giving up management was easy... Romance and sex were not so easy...

But I kept talking to my wife and trying to get us to open back up and even go farther than we had gone when we were younger (I am lifelong bi, but she is straight and pretty conventional). So we worked at it... And now a few years later, we are still working on it, but it is a lot better and still improving...

We are closer (the best part), we have sex more often (both making love and just fucking), we tried new things (BDSM, which is a keeper; swinging, which is the big item we are working on; and just generally being more adventurous, more toys and trying different things).

For our anniversary last year we got a massage table, that has proven to be the best 'toy' we ever got. We try to give each other a good full body massage at least once a week, and it often ends up in us having sex on the table. Sometimes we just start on the table as it is comfortable and allows us to easily reach more positions. But the real benefit is the closeness that giving and getting massages brings. Giving that effort to your lover and feeling them do that for you is a wonderful thing.

So my advice it to keep talking (and sometimes it will be very difficult), keep trying, keep touching.

And... make time for each other, start dating again! Do things together and do things apart (not sex, at least not until you get very much back on course, if ever) and tell each other.

and laugh together!

Good luck!

Liz

[Gearbox]

Your sexually neglected. Not unloved! But it can make you feel that way.
Don't need a shrink to tell you that!

When one partners sex drive sinks way beneath the others for a long period of time, the shit hits the fan!
This is where a monogamous relationship falls flat on it ass, and an open relationship comes in very handy.

You can fix things by either:
1. Both go to a sex therapist.
2. Cheat on her and prey she won't find out and divorce you.
3. Discuss getting nookie on the side openly.
4. Pretend there's no problem and spend the marriage unfulfilled.

I'd try option 1 and 3. Not necessarily in that order!:)

[kutag]

I've been married for 35 years,and yes my wife and I do not have sex very much any more.But that is sex."LOVE" is in your head and your heart.She knows I would like to get it on with a guy "JUST " for sex.I have not yet done the deed.She said do what you have to do,but it's not that easy.If I came home one day and said I've just been fucked or fucked some one she would be hurt.So do we say anything ? I don't know.If she asked I would tell her.Be open,we both shed tears when I told her I felt bi and would like to play with a man.Most women put love and sex together,men can put them apart.If you love her, tell her,and give her a hug.
SEX is GREAT LOVE is BETTER.
From an old fart.

[belleveda]

In my similar situation and after reading numerous articles on "rekindling the flame" I started taking him out on dates just like the ones we used to go on when we first couldn't mmget our hands off each other..and after three dates it worked for us...
I also I stopped trying to solve our issues and just started letting things be...
I reassured him that eventhough I wanted to be with other ppl sexually he is the only one i love and trust completely...............................

[mikey3000]

There is a big difference between sex and love. Many times in a marriage one's libido wains more than the other's. Discuss eachother's feelings, and keep discussing, just don't blame. Explore different sex acts together. Maybe a little gentle paddling, massage and porn, what ever. Sex can get boring after a while if you don't mix it up. After 23 years together we discovered my wife is a squirter who loves gay porn, strap-ons, playing with my butt and man on man action. But she also lets mr have a special guy friend who she just adores too, so you never know how things can change.

[elian]

I am not married, but if I were I think I would try lizard-lix's advice first - it sounds like the most natural to try and rekindle some passionate feelings and probably similar to what a sex therapist would tell you for $100/hr. I don't know if I would start out full tilt mentioning the BSDM but trying to go on a date or a romantic dinner might be nice? Whatever you do in that regard don't have any high expectations about what "ought" to happen - that way it's hard to be disappointed if things don't go EXACTLY the way you plan.

Gently, lovingly and openly talking about your desire is much better than trying to cheat and risk the love you have for each other and the faith in your marriage. Depending on how open your wife is about sex you may have to go very slowly.. If you do have this type of discussion make sure to frame it in terms of how you feel, "*I* am feeling.." instead of "You don't..."

Don't use speech that lays blame on you or your wife because that is likely to start an argument. It may be natural to drift apart after a few years - the whole point is not to place blame, but to try and treat each other lovingly and bolster your relationship.

Damn, now I need a massage lizard-lix ;)

Just my 2c - E

[dman82]

To thouse who have already responded thank you greatly I will keep the advice in mind and see what happens from there.

[elian]

I singled out lizard lix but it all sounds like good advice from experience.