How can I tell if another guy is in the closet?

[602537]

I'm a 19 year old guy who has never been in a relationship, mainly because I am insanely introverted and self conscious. Because of this, I've never had many real friends either. I just finished my first year of college and there is this guy that I think I like. I'm not sure if I'd consider it a sexual interest or more of a "real" friendship.

I think I might be bisexual, and there are signs that he may be as well. For example, in a group of friends, he said "I'd date you," but it was a complete non sequitur. I thought he might be testing my reaction?? We also worked together at a library on campus and would always eat lunch together and take walks alone on the beach. One time, he said, "take off your shirt, you need to work on your tan." Finally, he asks me to do mundane tasks like restocking books with him.

However, he has mentioned that he has had girlfriends in the past and that he wants to get married and have kids in the future. Granted, I've had girlfriends in the past and have told him that I want kids as well.

Would you consider these to be "signs" of interest, or is he just being friendly. What are some things I can do to indicate my interest in him without explicitly coming out?

[mikey3000]

I definitely think he's interestd in you. Just come right out and ask him, otherwise you'll never get a straight answer. Being closeted is a very tricky thing and sometimes you just have to tak a chance.

Good luck. :bigrin:

[RockGardener]

Usually all the hangers around him give it away that he's in the closet.

:bigrin:

[bi4fun22]

I'm probably not the best guy to offer this kind of advice(actually if anyone else has some better advice, jump in, maybe I've been doing it all wrong!), I just know what I would try in your situation.

It does sound like you guys are close. Could you think back and see if there are any subtle clues he might be showing? Have you ever caught him watching you while you had your back to him? Or maybe noticed an unusually long stare after talking about something?

I'd start subtle myself. Thats just me. Be a gentleman and start with some small things like opening doors for him when entering a building. Then later maybe a little physical contact, like putting your hand on the small of his back guiding him through the door. In a special case if you guys have been hanging out and he wants to get something to eat say, "Let's get something and bring it back home. I'm really enjoying our time together." (OK, well that one might not be so subtle, maybe a good one if he's not offended by a little more physical contact).

If he enjoys doing mundane chores with you, ask him to come help you clean the house\apt\dorm. Maybe let the dishes pile up one day and ask him to help you out. I don't know if you're an active person, but maybe you could talk him into a back massage. If he's interested in you at all I'm sure he'll start to reciprocate.

Just some ideas, hopefully they help. Keep us posted on your progress, I'd like to know how things turn out for you. I'm a bit of a hopeless romantic so I love to hear a happy ending.

[Not2str8]

Check for the smell of mothballs. It's a dead giveaway.

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

Sigh. Rock and Not2 needs spankings...lol ;)

Seriously tho, it sounds like he might be Bi, and in telling you that he wants the wifey/kids routine in the future means he may want some experimenting now.
I do like the idea of ya'll going bac to your place with a pizza and movies and hanging out, and see what happens from there. And you can always try the good ole tried and true method of getting out of the car/off the couch and grimice a little, placing a hand in the middle of your back. Dont forget to plant a little pain on your face.

"What's wrong?"

"Oh, I must have slept wrong, I have this catch in my back and it realllly hurts..."

Dont laugh, Ive used it and it truly works...lol

Or just be natural and honest during the movie "Hey, this is really nice just to kick back with you. Thank you so much.."

Good luck and have fun, Love. :}
Cat

[69luvr]

I'm a 19 year old guy who has never been in a relationship, mainly because I am insanely introverted and self conscious. Because of this, I've never had many real friends either. I just finished my first year of college and there is this guy that I think I like. I'm not sure if I'd consider it a sexual interest or more of a "real" friendship.

I think I might be bisexual, and there are signs that he may be as well. For example, in a group of friends, he said "I'd date you," but it was a complete non sequitur. I thought he might be testing my reaction?? We also worked together at a library on campus and would always eat lunch together and take walks alone on the beach. One time, he said, "take off your shirt, you need to work on your tan." Finally, he asks me to do mundane tasks like restocking books with him.

However, he has mentioned that he has had girlfriends in the past and that he wants to get married and have kids in the future. Granted, I've had girlfriends in the past and have told him that I want kids as well.

Would you consider these to be "signs" of interest, or is he just being friendly. What are some things I can do to indicate my interest in him without explicitly coming out?

Go for it! From all indications he wants you! I see strong signs of interest! Enjoy yourselves!

[Tom41bimwm]

you should invite him out to eat, on "a date", then go back to your place and see what he'd like to do. I say go for it, from what I can tell he likes you and most likely bi.

[open2both]

Hun,
He's sooooo bi/gay.
Any man who tells you to take off your shirt to work on your tan ... PALEEZE!!!
:2cents:

[RockGardener]

Sigh. Rock and Not2 needs spankings...lol ;)



Please. may I have another?

[goldenfinger]

A save way to find out, is by joking about things sexually, or by talking about some people you know is bi,say Woody Allan, and see how he response to it.Like you, he JUST might be waiting for you to make the first move,always a risky thing to do.Remember, someone has to make the first move, otherwise nothing will happen. Good luck.;)

[Realist]

All good advice, above; there's many ways to get to your goal.

Good communication, honesty, and mutual interests are really great tools to open up things. I agree with subtle inferences, grazing the subject without revealing too much of yourself, until you have confidence that the feelings are mutual.

Don't look beyond, reality, though. Take baby steps and don't read into the situation, or think there's more, or less, than what is revealed to you.

I've found that the best relationships I've had have mostly happened naturally.

Good luck and I hope your first time is as rewarding as mine was!

[Wolf_Sr]

I'm probably not the best guy to offer this kind of advice(actually if anyone else has some better advice, jump in, maybe I've been doing it all wrong!), I just know what I would try in your situation.

I'd start subtle myself. Thats just me. Be a gentleman and start with some small things like opening doors for him when entering a building. Then later maybe a little physical contact, like putting your hand on the small of his back guiding him through the door. In a special case if you guys have been hanging out and he wants to get something to eat say, "Let's get something and bring it back home. I'm really enjoying our time together." (OK, well that one might not be so subtle, maybe a good one if he's not offended by a little more physical contact).


I also was (and am) extremely shy and on the account of my shyness I always felt an incomplete human being for having not given myself the chance of experiencing. I think Bi4fun22 advice is a good way. Be gentle and considerate, it may or may not happen, but at least you gave it a trial.
Hugs

[matutum]

I definitely think he's interestd in you. Just come right out and ask him, otherwise you'll never get a straight answer. Being closeted is a very tricky thing and sometimes you just have to tak a chance.

Good luck. :bigrin:i agree with mikey3000,i'm envious of ur new found excitement

[ChicagoNormalGuy]

A save way to find out, is by joking about things sexually, or by talking about some people you know is bi,say Woody Allan...

Woody Allen is Bi?

As a Bi Male and a Woody Allen fan, that's news to me.

[nakedheathen]

What has been your expeience with this guy and eye contact? To me, that is the give away. If he holds your eye contact then there is interest, if he starts to glance at body parts, then it is past interest and onto better things. watch his eye contact the next time you are together and that should tell you if in fact he is interested, then if so, I like the movie at my place thing. Maybe with Wild things or other G2G bi action with a discussion of bisexuality and see what happens. Good luck.

[MiamiBi]

Based on what you've said so far, I think that he could potentially like you. I was in a similar situation about a year ago, and everything worked out great for us.

As others have mentioned, dinner and a movie at one of your houses might be a good idea. However, on its own, this could be seen a just a friendly gesture, so you'll have to escalate the situation if an opportunity arises.

The next time you are shirtless with him, pay attention to where he looks. If he glances at your body several times, there's a good chance he's interested. Along the same lines, if you catch him staring at you, that's good, but maintaining eye contact during a conversation is not necessarily a sign.

What finally got our relationship started was touching. If you guys playfully joke, instead of just laughing or making a comeback, give him a friendly punch. From there, if he doesn't have any objections, slowly increase the intimacy of your touches. One time my future boyfriend and I were walking in a park and he got a spider web in his hair. Instead of just helping him pull it out, I kind of played with his hair during the process. Even with all my previous signals, he tells me that this incident was what made him decide to make the first move.