To be bi with allowances....

[ErosUrge]

I will say that after being distraught, confused, and in denial about my sexual desires for men (and I mean sexual only) for several years, it caused me nothing but hardship. I loved and adored the women in my life, but after a while, I would hunger for cock. It always was confusing because I loved and still love everything about the female anatomy and the deep emotions I had for these women I was involved with. So to desire male sex caused me to feel like a real freak because I couldn't just be satisfied with what I had with a particular woman sexually. And this had/has nothing to do with any inadequacy on the woman's part, but sooner or later, I would crave sex with a male. And I knew and know that I want nothing else with men...so for me that was/is the dilemma. Currently and after years of accepting my sexuality for what it is, I am still yearning for that deeper connection with a woman. And it's difficult because I've yet to find a woman that understands this and either doesn't or won't feel threatened by my desire for sex with men. Still, I understand that idea about, "if he wants to be with me, I should be enough for him and he won't want anyone else". My counselor/therapist has told me that she feels there is a woman who will understand and that I just haven't met her yet. I know that there are a lot of people on this site who think that people like me are simply selfish. And they are entitled to their opinion, but it doesn't make them right. This counselor by the way is heterosexual and monogamous but has studied extensively all the different dynamics of bisexuality for years. She has encouraged me to live openly and honestly about being bi and staying true to myself. It is encouraging when I have met couples who have been together for years; one for 23 and the other for 31 in which the one for 23 years are both bi, and the other at 31 years, the husband is bi. And after talking to them each couple has told me that their relationships have been fulfilling and they have not had intentions of ever parting. Like any other relationship, they have had difficulties but none that were ever insurmountable. So though these kinds of situations are rare, they do exist. The question that remains for me is how do I connect with a woman that will not feel threatened by my dalliance with men and realizing that it is only sexual and nothing more; especially if I am fulfilling her needs sexually also? Before responding to this, be careful not to judge based on your own situations and as though I should be like you. Don’t assume that I haven’t been through the questioning myself about this matter over and over and extensively through the years. And also don’t assume that I am in denial about facing reality and not “getting it” like so many have with their devoted and monogamous relationships to one another. I commend you for having such situations, but remember, not everyone is like you in this regard.
Finally, the last point I want to make is that I have had 3 women in my life that all accepted me being bi and never were or felt threatened by my sexual excursions with men. Each of them expressed to me that this was never an issue. One of them even drove me to “play” with the men I would be with. We parted for other reasons and to this day, I am friends with all of them.
I would appreciate your thoughts on this....

[maxtor]

I am about the same way as yourself with wanting only sex from a man. I do not want anything except playing with his genitals, sucking him and him mounting me for his and my pleasure. My girlfriend doesnt know my urges as I do love her and we have a great sex life. I really feel the urge to find a man to have a platonic relationship as we visit each other no more than sex. I have no urge for kissing, cuddling or any intimate relation other than sex. I enjoy receiving anal sex and playing with a cock. I was introduced to anal sex by a man in Europe when I was stationed there with the military. I met a guy in Europe and had anal sex with him and from then on I have craved anal sex and have had anal sex a few times since then and I am spoiled to having a man mount and give me a good reaming. After I have had anal sex I am ok for quite a while and then I have to find some more. I have never have found a regular sex partner but am looking for a married or attached bi man that needs to be descreet as I am meeting at my house or his while we are alone.

[Chrystof72]

Hey,

I've been coming to this site for at least 4 years now and finally decided to join.

The fact that I was married to a bisexual yet M/M homophobe was largely the reason for my not joining till now.

I totally understand where you are coming from, I'm completely into the sex aspect of another guy but not the relationship side of it, I don't want to lay there covered in sweat and stroke each others hair, it's all about the sex, the fondling guy on guy play, then off out to find a hot women to spoon next to till morning.

I've been told that I am crass in my desires and one reason Bisexuals get a bad rap, personally I think that's rubbish. If anything we are the prime example that there really are bisexuals in the world and not just gender confused souls wondering the world until we finally decide which way we truly lean.

To find a woman that is either understanding or totally into it, to watch, join or as you mentioned even drive you to your "Friends" place? they are hard to find it seems, at least for me.

It' looks as if many woman (Not all I know) think 2 women together is hot....even sexy, but 2 guys? eww gross....I find the general population of the world somewhat hypocritical in it's standards but that's a rant for another day.

I was in denial about being Bisexual since I could get an erection and marveled at my own penis, while also marveling at the wondrous curves of the women in my fathers porno stash he hid so badly, women are an amazing creature well worth the attention of any hot blooded male, but so to is the male anatomy.

You mentioned being selfish, while the few that know I'm Bisexual, and sadly it really is just a few, only one thought of me as being slightly selfish, but it was a female friend who obviously doesn't grasp the male frame of mind that in many cases we do posses the ability to "Hit it and quit it" without any fear of guilt, while we (Well me and others I'm sure) don't stoop so low as to use a women in such a debasing manner, we can with a guy who I'm sure if you get the right one is just fine and dandy with it being like that.

A mutual agreement of sex is sex then lets go smack a few balls out the park over a 6 pack, then head home to the girlfriend who is fully knowledgeable of the set up and is perfectly fine with it, would be my ultimate relationship goal.

Still looking, and I'll keep looking. they are out there somewhere we just have to be patient.

sorry if I went on too much. :)

C

[ErosUrge]

Wow! I have to say thanks so far to the two replies to my topic...so much of what both of you had to say is absolutely true.
Chrystof; welcome to the site. We need more open minds like yours. And like you, I don't want to lie in a man's arms like I do with women afterward basquing in the moments we just shared and then talking about all the things that are meaningful to us. I have done that with a couple of males, but it's not the same at all...nothing interesting in the discussions...mostly small talk...just kind of recooping from the intensity of the moment...
And no, you aren't crass in the least as far as I'm concerned. You're being honest with your feelings and who you are. And it's not just you that is having a difficult time with finding that certain woman; it's many of us. Interestingly, there are plenty of men willing to allow this but not as many women. Perhaps that's not accurate, but it appears to be so. It seemed that there was a time that women were more open to this, but I might be mistaken... and so true also about how women and many men also are turned on by 2 women together but the opposite with 2 guys.
I too enjoy the male anatomy also but not all men...it just depends...
One thing I didn't mention before is that if I am in public, I don't really notice the guys at all. Oh sure, once in a very great while, one might catch my attention that way...but the women I am constantly drawn to. For me, I have to be in the mood to notice a guy and even then, it's not until I'm alone with the particular guy or more accurately with his genitalia and he and I both know exactly why we're there...
And yes, it is true that with women, I don't see them as sexual objects , but of course, there is some element to that. And I have been with a few women along the way that didn't want anything else but to have sex without all the red tape involved such as a long courtship,etc. There aren't as many that way from my experience, but they're out there too...Yet, as you did point out, there are many guys that don't expect anything else except quality, lusty, sensual, erotic sex. It's a need and we shouldn't be ashamed to admit it or want it.
Maxtor, I understand having to keep things discreet and secretive, but it doesn't work for me....I lived that way too for many years with some women in my life and was miserable. But I do understand the difficulty in revealing it...
I can only say that now, I am very pleased at least in living openly about my sexuality with the vast majority of people who know me; at least the friends that really matter. I'm not afraid anymore or worry about being found out about like I use to be for so many years...Sure there are some that I don't feel need to know or should know, but I've already accepted the idea that if they did, no big deal...

[LoveBothWorlds]

Interesting post and I now recognize that I am fortunate my wife is supportive of me exploring this side of my personhood. I think it may be that for my bisexuality I recognize that the sex I've had with men was hot and it felt good. I enjoy my relationships with woman. The "selfish" was described as "hit it and quit it" and that's a totally male characteristic that I can relate with. Whether hitting and quitting a woman or a man, it's both good. Indeed, to date my emotional relationships have been and still are with women. Although, I would not rule out a man it is not what really turns me on about men. It's the sex, getting off, and then moving on. There are many men who can handle that and those are the ones I am looking for and going to do it with.

[Chrystof72]

ErosUrge I thank you for the welcome.

You are right, it seems women that accept men being Bisexual are becoming a hard commodity to find these days, maybe I'm looking in the wrong places, who knows.

Those I have chatted with (While not mentioning my own Bisexuality) find it wrong, or dirty, exit only blah blah blah, if I had a dollar for every time I've heard the exit only BS lol

I do have two female friends that find watching guys have sex hot, but sadly they are not in a position to join me...or their husbands for that matter.

I've been checking out the scene in my town now for a few months and unfortunately have given up trying the bars and clubs, I think I'm too straight acting or not accepting of the camp aspects of the Gay scene.

My friend told me that was my problem, while I love to have sex with a guy, I'm not open to all four corners of the Gay community (She is of the mind that I should date a man for a while) I found it hard to explain that dating men isn't my thing, just banging the hell out of them or having them bang the hell out of me is....nothing more.

Now that I'm recently permanently separated from my wife I have really started to search, to check out as mentioned the scene etc etc, and it feels like the more I look.....the harder it is to find anyone local with the same desire to just get in, get out, get on with your day.

A few of my friends that know my orientation are Lesbians, and they have urged me to go to one of their many protest marches for Gays/Lesbians and Bisexual rights, I asked what rights other than what we already have do Bisexuals really need?

I think many tend to lose what it is they are after, they try to dress it up when in fact at the end of the day, it's just good, hot, sweaty, ass spanking sex.

Sorry if this seems like I'm going off on a tangent, your post got me thinking about Bisexual men in general, while it seems there are many of us, and we can find each other with little to no problem via the internet, accidentally bumping into each other downtown or going out to grab a loaf of bread is an almost impossible task.

I've read several threads here about whether you should tell your other half or not, I think it's a must to be perfectly honest, right from the get go once this kind of conversation comes up, if they don't accept you sexual habits and all, then it's better to find someone who will, like LoveBothWorlds to have that kind of relationship I think is a damn lucky thing to have.

Again sorry for the long drifting babble, I tend to go on a bit sometimes. :)

[MissRina]

I don't understand why so many women have a problem with accepting this.

I have had relationships both emotional and sexual on both sides of the fence.

I agree that sex is sex, love is a whole different thing.

[ErosUrge]

I don't understand why so many women have a problem with accepting this.

I have had relationships both emotional and sexual on both sides of the fence.

I agree that sex is sex, love is a whole different thing.

Thanks for adding your thoughts. It's great to have a woman chime in on this topic in such a positive manner and seeing it as from your perspective. It demonstrates that indeed there are women who do understand and willing to be open. I know there are women who definitely understand as I've pointed out previously and know some of them myself. So why am I not with them now?....they're already involved with someone.....
The reason for me adding this topic was because of recent relationships; particularly one. She couldn't accept this part of me and I refused to be secretive about it. I have no issue with her and wasn't out to change her though she did want me to change. I thought I'd try, but realized at the time that my hunger for males on ocassion was not going to go away as it hasn't all my life. Though I preferred to remain friends after this, she decided to no longer communicate with me anymore...such is life.

[bisocialnudist]

This thread hits home with me. It takes quite a leap of faith for our wives to realize we make much better husbands if we can live our lives authentically and sexually satisfied. I love my wife she is my best friend and she is the one I want to be with but she is missing a penis and the accessories. Having male friends that celebrate what it means to be a guy make my life complete.

Our marriage is better than ever and I am the happy guy I was born to be. Thats what best friends want for their friends, they want them to be happy. My wife understands we had 90% of perfection why throw that out for the 10% Im missing . Now that I get the 10% too every day is a delight for both of us.

Mark

[Katja]

I don't understand why so many women have a problem with accepting this.

I have had relationships both emotional and sexual on both sides of the fence.

I agree that sex is sex, love is a whole different thing.

Women are human beings just as are men, and they have quite the same prejudices as men as well as many of the same likes. Just as many men cringe when confronted by a gay or bisexual man so do many women. It is a long standing prejudice our society is still in the early stages of erradicating. It is unlikely that it will ever quite disappear.

Although female homo and bisexuality has been officially frowned upon historically, it has never met with quite the same disapproval and witch hunting as that of men. This deep rooted prejudice, buried within the psyche of so many of us will take generations to remove from human conciousness. Much has to do with the act of male homosexual intercourse and the stigma which remains within many of us. Many bisexual women do not get turned on by two men fucking quite in the same way as men do at the thought and sight of two women getting it on. This quasi acceptance of female same sex relations in the heterosexual world has much to do with the historical attitude of the male towards women as their playthings, without rights, and the commonly held male desire to have a fmf threesome. Women until recently have never been empowered sexually and there remains within both men and women much that is carried over from those days not so long ago that men are the dominant gender with power over the minds and bodies of women.

As a bisexual woman I too, even although I am substantially liberated from these ancient sexual attitudes am affected by them also. I do not get turned on by the sight or thought of two men fucking and this I am sure is because of western society's historical prejudice against male homosexuality and the act of anal intercourse. Therefore if I as bisexual woman cannot become eroticised by two men making love, it is understandable that many others feel the same way, and that even more heterosexual women will have similar, probably even more entrenched attitudes.

Heterosexual men have probably the most entrenched attitudes of all as is evidenced by the fact that many become violent and others react strobgly and with disgust when confronted by a homosexual man. Even many bisexual men do not do anal sex, and indeed it is not uncommon among gay men either.

This revulsion about the act of anal intercourse between men is often an act of hypocrisy given that many of those same men, straight and bisexual quite happily participate in anal sex with a female partner, and indeed many women who react in quite the same way to all-male anal sex, quite happily allow a male partner to do just that to them and enjoy it. Many women endure it but do not enjoy it and this may explain at least some of their anti attitudes. I could be quite wrong, but for all the impression we are given from pornography or talking among ourselves, I do not believe anal sex is quite as common between men and women as some would claim.

MissRina, forgive me if this appears to be a bit of a ramble but in my mind it answers at least in part, the question you pose.

[MissRina]

Thanks for adding your thoughts. It's great to have a woman chime in on this topic in such a positive manner and seeing it as from your perspective. It demonstrates that indeed there are women who do understand and willing to be open. I know there are women who definitely understand as I've pointed out previously and know some of them myself. So why am I not with them now?....they're already involved with someone.....
The reason for me adding this topic was because of recent relationships; particularly one. She couldn't accept this part of me and I refused to be secretive about it. I have no issue with her and wasn't out to change her though she did want me to change. I thought I'd try, but realized at the time that my hunger for males on ocassion was not going to go away as it hasn't all my life. Though I preferred to remain friends after this, she decided to no longer communicate with me anymore...such is life.

I can understand that. I have always looked at it this way; if someone can't accept me for who I am as I am, then why am I with them?

They must love all of me, not just the parts they want to, when I love someone its because I love all of them, the good, the bad, and anything in between.

I know for bisexual women thats not a factor as very few guys say no I don't want you to sleep with another woman. Although there are some.
I have friends who aren't accepted for who they are by their own spouses.
Its not awesome.

I do got to say that I am not the normal woman, I do get told that all the time, but I don't believe that, there has to be others like me.
Just depends on how accepting a woman is.

I don't blame you for not wanting to be secretive about it, I wouldn't want to either. Its part of you, why should hide part of you?

[MissRina]

Women are human beings just as are men, and they have quite the same prejudices as men as well as many of the same likes. Just as many men cringe when confronted by a gay or bisexual man so do many women. It is a long standing prejudice our society is still in the early stages of erradicating. It is unlikely that it will ever quite disappear.

Although female homo and bisexuality has been officially frowned upon historically, it has never met with quite the same disapproval and witch hunting as that of men. This deep rooted prejudice, buried within the psyche of so many of us will take generations to remove from human conciousness. Much has to do with the act of male homosexual intercourse and the stigma which remains within many of us. Many bisexual women do not get turned on by two men fucking quite in the same way as men do at the thought and sight of two women getting it on. This quasi acceptance of female same sex relations in the heterosexual world has much to do with the historical attitude of the male towards women as their playthings, without rights, and the commonly held male desire to have a fmf threesome. Women until recently have never been empowered sexually and there remains within both men and women much that is carried over from those days not so long ago that men are the dominant gender with power over the minds and bodies of women.

As a bisexual woman I too, even although I am substantially liberated from these ancient sexual attitudes am affected by them also. I do not get turned on by the sight or thought of two men fucking and this I am sure is because of western society's historical prejudice against male homosexuality and the act of anal intercourse. Therefore if I as bisexual woman cannot become eroticised by two men making love, it is understandable that many others feel the same way, and that even more heterosexual women will have similar, probably even more entrenched attitudes.

Heterosexual men have probably the most entrenched attitudes of all as is evidenced by the fact that many become violent and others react strobgly and with disgust when confronted by a homosexual man. Even many bisexual men do not do anal sex, and indeed it is not uncommon among gay men either.

This revulsion about the act of anal intercourse between men is often an act of hypocrisy given that many of those same men, straight and bisexual quite happily participate in anal sex with a female partner, and indeed many women who react in quite the same way to all-male anal sex, quite happily allow a male partner to do just that to them and enjoy it. Many women endure it but do not enjoy it and this may explain at least some of their anti attitudes. I could be quite wrong, but for all the impression we are given from pornography or talking among ourselves, I do not believe anal sex is quite as common between men and women as some would claim.

MissRina, forgive me if this appears to be a bit of a ramble but in my mind it answers at least in part, the question you pose.

Lovely explanation, I actually already know the history of bisexuality. I love your veiw point though.

I guess more or less I can't understand why a woman wouldnt want to see her man have the most amazing orgasms thru anal sex.
As for anal sex between a man and a woman, that another thing I enjoy but thats just me. I know many women who don't like it, it doesn't quite do the same thing for us as it does for the men.

Every gay man I knew did anal sex with their partners, and my ex husband who was bi, did anal as well. I think its just finding the right couple of people to get it on with, lol but I could be wrong.

[Long Duck Dong]

it can have a lot to do with being insecure and other issues.... and there is also the commitment to each other aspect....

other aspects are the inability to understand, relate to and comprehend how a male can desire another man, when the woman doesn't desire another woman.....

most cases that I did counselling and therapy work with, had a underlying issue and that was with a 3 some, one person is the *3rd wheel * and often doesn't recieve or get much attention......

a good way around that, is to use toys in a 2 person only situation and then move to the 3 some aspect... that way the partner knows and feels that they have given the best they can... and in a 3 some, can end up being more involved.....

things like anal sex between two males can be nice, but if they are locked in a passionate emabrace while fucking, the woman is generally left to one side.... thats why i suggest positions like the woman being penetrated while the guy on top is being penetrated.... that way she gets attention, feels involved and gets a lot of pleasure.....

another aspect, is that many guys are not into anal, giving or recieving with another male... but with a female its fine..... and studies have revealed that its a form of domination and control by the male, so subtle and discreet, but a aspect that is there all the same.... its generally overshadowed by the love, passion and desire of both partners so its not always noticable in the bedroom but there is a way to tell the nature of a male

a neutral / sub male will allow the lady on top, on her side, in front ( back to him )

a dom male will only allow positions that *convey * him as being in control, such as the missionary position

a switch is a male that takes both roles, they can be dom / neutral / sub with a female and male, but are more likely to sub with a male than dom....

[Katja]

another aspect, is that many guys are not into anal, giving or recieving with another male... but with a female its fine..... and studies have revealed that its a form of domination and control by the male, so subtle and discreet, but a aspect that is there all the same.... its generally overshadowed by the love, passion and desire of both partners so its not always noticable in the bedroom but there is a way to tell the nature of a male



I do agree that within the realm of heterosexual sex, anal intercourse between man and woman is very often an expression and an assertion by the male of his domination and control over his partner, but am not sure I agree that it is either subtle or discreet. It is certainly not a subtle intrusion into the anus of a female whether or not she willingly participates. Nor am I convinced that it is generally overshadowed by love, passion and desire.

It may be overshadowed by the lust of the man, even his passion, but that lust and passion is not always shared by his partner, and many women, myself included have simply allowed it to happen because of that element of control, often because of their submissive natures. MissRina hit the nail on the head when she said that women do not get the same out of anal intercourse as men, and while many enjoy it, I am of the opinion that many, probably most do not, and do not allow it, and many of those who do, do so reluctantly and under sufferance. That this reluctance of women to participate in anal sex is diminishing particlarly in younger women, I think there is no doubt and it remains to be seen whether this trend continues.

Neither do I agree entirely with your claim that dominant men will only allow positions which assert their control and dominance. It may once have been the case, but in this day and age dominant men often adopt sexual positions which are not obviously assertions of dominance. The woman on top being but one. They are much more open and prepared to adopt many such positions and practices and even, while asserting that dominance and control, many go out of their way to provide for their partner the sexual highs they so desperately want and need. For the modern day dominant male, the very fact that it is they who penetrate is sufficient, whether it be by penis, fingers tongue or toy, and whether it is penetration of mouth, anus or vagina.

I realise that this contribution deviates somewhat from the purpose of the thread, but it is pertinent for it brings us back to the hypocrisy of so many heterosexual (and quite a few bisexual) males and their railing against the 'perversion' of anal sex. You and I LDD darling, may disagree to some extent about heterosexual anal sex, but I do not believe there would be much difference in our view of that.

[Long Duck Dong]

by subtle and discreet, I was refering to the desire and emotions / thoughts... the sexual act is a seperate issue

for many many years, the missionary position was the only accepted form of coupling ( religion ) as it was seen as a clear submissive state for the women.... and that has not really changed that much.. as in nature, a position on the back with the throat exposed, is a form of submission ....

with the love desire and passion of both partners its not noticable... but as you say, with a partner that is not interested, it is more noticable, the woman is pushed to surrender to the male.....

now with the modern day dominant male.... much of what you say is true, however I was refering to the dominant males that will not assume a position that undermines their * authority *

people such as many GOR followers ( gor is a set of books where women are slaves and men are masters ) live that *ideal * in their every day life.... a lot of religious cults are the same... they follow the rule that the male is in control and dominant, and the woman submits, even in the bedroom

a switch, as I said, is a person that can be dominant and submissive... they can be dominant in everyday life, yet dom and sub in the bedroom equally....

as for the pervasion of anal sex... well the medical profession has said the anus was never designed for sex..... and thats about the only part I listen to..... cos the rest like the religious view points etc... are opinions of people.. and my advice to them, if they do not like anal sex, don't have it....

[Katja]

by subtle and discreet, I was refering to the desire and emotions / thoughts... the sexual act is a seperate issue

for many many years, the missionary position was the only accepted form of coupling ( religion ) as it was seen as a clear submissive state for the women.... and that has not really changed that much.. as in nature, a position on the back with the throat exposed, is a form of submission ....

with the love desire and passion of both partners its not noticable... but as you say, with a partner that is not interested, it is more noticable, the woman is pushed to surrender to the male.....

now with the modern day dominant male.... much of what you say is true, however I was refering to the dominant males that will not assume a position that undermines their * authority *

people such as many GOR followers ( gor is a set of books where women are slaves and men are masters ) live that *ideal * in their every day life.... a lot of religious cults are the same... they follow the rule that the male is in control and dominant, and the woman submits, even in the bedroom

a switch, as I said, is a person that can be dominant and submissive... they can be dominant in everyday life, yet dom and sub in the bedroom equally....

as for the pervasion of anal sex... well the medical profession has said the anus was never designed for sex..... and thats about the only part I listen to..... cos the rest like the religious view points etc... are opinions of people.. and my advice to them, if they do not like anal sex, don't have it....

I find what you say of cults and the dominant male incredibly interesting, and have no doubt it is as you say. Most people however are not cultists, but ordinary and trying to go through life in accord with that which they know and believe from their upbringing and everyday surroundings.

The macho dominant male is a living sexual dinosaur in this day and age, but his time is passing. In a way I do regret this because I am drawn to such people and have enjoyed sex with a few of them enormously. Most dominant men are a different breed today to that which existed a century ago when the world of sexuality was a very different place, and I find that most dominant men, while controlling in the bedroom have a feeling for their partner which the macho dinosaur cannot match because he is quite simply incapable of understanding.

The modern man's dominance and his pride are important to him and that pride no longer allows him the luxury of getting on, satisfying himself and getting off as in days of yore. His pride more than ever means to him that his partner should enjoy sex as much as he and failure to achieve that is a dent in his personal record of achievement.

Women, even sexually submissive women such as myself are no longer prepared to lie back and think of England because they know so much more, have experienced so much more and expect so much more. Because they like it. They may accept domination but they expect a good time to go along with it and increasingly accept nothing less.

Failure to produce the goods can mean ridicule of the dominant man, because as you have mentioned, not all submissive women are such outside of the bedroom, and many are not submissive within it. Many are quite happy to expose the dominant man's sexual failings. The world of sex is much less discreet than it once was and even the dominant man is not quite so dominant and the submissive not quite as submissive as she once was.

But once again I digress from the topic. Forgive me, but it is an area I find incredibly interesting. Now I shall retire to the back of the class and allow people who know what they are talking about to get on with discussing the proper subject.

[ErosUrge]

I find what you say of cults and the dominant male incredibly interesting, and have no doubt it is as you say. Most people however are not cultists, but ordinary and trying to go through life in accord with that which they know and believe from their upbringing and everyday surroundings.

The macho dominant male is a living sexual dinosaur in this day and age, but his time is passing. In a way I do regret this because I am drawn to such people and have enjoyed sex with a few of them enormously. Most dominant men are a different breed today to that which existed a century ago when the world of sexuality was a very different place, and I find that most dominant men, while controlling in the bedroom have a feeling for their partner which the macho dinosaur cannot match because he is quite simply incapable of understanding.

The modern man's dominance and his pride are important to him and that pride no longer allows him the luxury of getting on, satisfying himself and getting off as in days of yore. His pride more than ever means to him that his partner should enjoy sex as much as he and failure to achieve that is a dent in his personal record of achievement.

Women, even sexually submissive women such as myself are no longer prepared to lie back and think of England because they know so much more, have experienced so much more and expect so much more. Because they like it. They may accept domination but they expect a good time to go along with it and increasingly accept nothing less.

Failure to produce the goods can mean ridicule of the dominant man, because as you have mentioned, not all submissive women are such outside of the bedroom, and many are not submissive within it. Many are quite happy to expose the dominant man's sexual failings. The world of sex is much less discreet than it once was and even the dominant man is not quite so dominant and the submissive not quite as submissive as she once was.

But once again I digress from the topic. Forgive me, but it is an area I find incredibly interesting. Now I shall retire to the back of the class and allow people who know what they are talking about to get on with discussing the proper subject.

So pleased with the discourse that has taken place with this topic and have no problem with the deviations from the original entry. So much is true about the dominant and macho male...
What I would like to add is that when I'm with a woman and we are in the missionary position, I've never thought of it as me being dominant. I realize that since I am on top it's certainly that way physically. But it can be a beautiful experience for both if both are aware of that vital connection where the energies exchanged are equal and the flow is fulfilling because of the letting go to the experience. At some point such thoughts of dominance and submission fall to the side as when the ecstasy of the moment is real and alive and destroys such thoughts; a timeless thoughtless place where each is totally connected. And with the missionary position (though it is the most common of positions), each person is face to face and there's the language that can come through with the eyes; no words but the communication can be beautiful. At the same time when a woman is on top of me and I look up at her, though she might be in a dominant position, it's the language of the senses, the eyes, and how each is responding to one another that shatter descriptions...or when the doggy position is going on, again the man might be in the dominant position, but it's in the touching through hands on the back or reaching around to grasp breasts, kissing and nibbling the shoulders and back, etc that lend to the moment....At some point all thoughts of dominance and submission fall away to experience the ecstasy of the moment for both partners....I realize for some the indulgence of the thoughts of dominance and submission trigger more for them and if so then so be it....Essentially I suppose what I'm saying is that with each position is an agreement (or can be), and with that descriptions fall away and the senses are allowed to experience the moment fully.
And things have progressed in that many men are not pleased if they are aware that the woman has not enjoyed it as much as he has. This is remedied simply by the male paying attention to the moment and always desiring to bring pleasure to his partner first and foremost whether it be with a woman or a man. If that is going on, then he too is gratified or his pleasure increases all the more from giving. In these moments pleasure is the most fulfilling when we get out of the field of thinking and open to the sensations.
As for anal for men and for women, it is true that many more men prefer to receive it than women for the reasons we all know. Strangely though I have known of 2 women who claimed that they were able to reach orgasm through anal which I found very interesting. And for myself, when I have enjoyed being on the receiving end of anal, the times I have enjoyed it the most are when I submitted to it of course. And from that surrender, any thoughts of being submissive disappeared for me to fully experience some amazing orgasms...for me, it's like a very rich dessert that I enjoy on ocassion. There are so many great experiences sexually that I simply would not want to limit myself to only that and for that reason it is ocassional and depends on the male.
This is a far cry from what the origins of this topic are, but it is related all the same. I as usual have rambled on and on....
Thanks again everyone....

[ErosUrge]

I can understand that. I have always looked at it this way; if someone can't accept me for who I am as I am, then why am I with them?

They must love all of me, not just the parts they want to, when I love someone its because I love all of them, the good, the bad, and anything in between.

I know for bisexual women thats not a factor as very few guys say no I don't want you to sleep with another woman. Although there are some.
I have friends who aren't accepted for who they are by their own spouses.
Its not awesome.

I do got to say that I am not the normal woman, I do get told that all the time, but I don't believe that, there has to be others like me.
Just depends on how accepting a woman is.

I don't blame you for not wanting to be secretive about it, I wouldn't want to either. Its part of you, why should hide part of you?

Again thank you for being that voice of the women who do understand; I very much appreciate you sounding off. Perhaps because of women like you there might be an increase of understanding.

[slutnworkboots]

I'm the same-sex with guys otherwise "normal"(?) male here. Some guys are lucky enough to have an understanding lady,I don't know how I'd cope if mine wasn't cool with it. I fought with myself for years before finally accepting how I am. Don't let you beat you up over it,it's not a statement of your masculinity or strength or identity it's just a sexual desire.

[ErosUrge]

I'm the same-sex with guys otherwise "normal"(?) male here. Some guys are lucky enough to have an understanding lady,I don't know how I'd cope if mine wasn't cool with it. I fought with myself for years before finally accepting how I am. Don't let you beat you up over it,it's not a statement of your masculinity or strength or identity it's just a sexual desire.

Yes you are indeed very lucky....and your comments are so well put....thanks.

[Briar Rose]

You all might find this interesting. There is a fairly large and still growing community of mostly women, many to most who identify as straight, who read m/m or m/m/f menage erotic romantic fiction. You can go to Goodreads and find a number of groups devoted to these kinds of stories. So there is a pop culture sea change starting I think.

I would not be at all surprised to find that eventually, it will be easier to find women who won't freak when a partner or date comes out as bi.

I hope the young adults coming up behind us/my generation (I'm 47) have an easier time of it--one that leads to more truth earlier, both within individuals and relationships.

*acronym interpretation just in case: m/m=male/male (gay/erotic romance) and m/m/f=male/male/female where the men engage in sex with each other as well as with the woman. There is also a subset (m/f/m) where the men don't have a sexual relationship but just the fact that the m/m option exists and is often found in genre fiction is cool.

[Darkside2009]

All this talk of anal sex reminds me of an old joke. What do you call a dinosaur with haemorrhoids? Answer is a Megasoreass. :)