Husbands Problem

[zorkisemily]

So I've been lurking here and there, and finally have decided to post since this is at a flippin' breaking point with my husband. So some backstory eh?:P We've been married for five years, and when we first met he knew of my adoration for women...it really wasn't hidden in the least. Now we've *always* from day one been very open in talking about anything related to our sex life with each other. So for about two weeks, i've been mentioning "female this", and "female that" in our sex, (nothing new), and he's been completely turned off. Now he won't even touch me because he says it demasculates him that i'm thinking of him with breasts,(lol it was a joke ssshhh), or of him as a woman. He says I should just go out and find myself a girlfriend. Now I don't want to do this I love my husband very very much, and as far as i'm concerned this shouldn't be a problem, (it's just talk, comeon I have never stated that I want to run away with some wild redhead to oregon). I just don't understand how he could develope this issue so far into this. Any ideas? I'm at a loss, I thought this was safe territory lol, and it doesn't make me happy needing to "watch what i say".

-e.c.

[BI BOYTOY]

hello their,ya it is abummer that you have to watch what you say,that is weird that he would develope this problem after all this time. i hope he dosent expect you to change cause being bisexual or gay what ever is always with us.cant change what makes us ,us.it might be as you two talk he see's the time of onother woman with you two getting closer he finds himself gettung it touch with the green eyed monster?if you dont mind me saying, him saying that it demasculates him is just b.s. :( and is rather funny to.i wish i could give you more advise than this,just dont go in to the closet its dark in their.i wish you the best off luck :bigrin: :bigrin: please leave an update on your situaion, :three: :flag3:

[Long Duck Dong]

he may have looked in the mirror and seen something about himself that he doesn't like ...lol

but the feelings I sense off him are very different lol

the answer is not in sex tho.....its dawned on him that its possible for you to be with a female and enjoy it....but he can't do that cos it creates a conflict in him.... and cos he is a male, hes not able to satisify the part of you that needs a ladys touch to be furfilled.... in simple terms, you unknowingly bruised his ego

now he does love you...a lot... but he is struggling with the idea of you with another female...cos it makes him feel like he is a outsider... ( you are not making him feel that way tho )

so a lil advice is to watch what you say, about him doing sex.....he has a underlying male ego issue of he is all you need in bed when you and him are together and the fact you made the joke about the female, was taken by him the wrong way

a way around that if you wanna use a phantom female in the bedroom dept, is to say something like " i would enjoy sucking on a females breasts while you are making love with me.." and that way his ego is not threatened and his male pride is intact..

the other issue underlying that, is a simple one....the idea of you and a female is something he likes....you actually doing it with another female...is something he struggles with

[mike9753]

Hi:
I am not sure it's just your husband's problem. I think it is more a relationship/communication problem. From what I gather, you did talk about the issue, but not what it really meant to each of you. The old saying, "The devil is in the details" applies here.

I might suggest that you both sit down and discuss what this really means to each of you. I think you made assumptions early on about what it might mean to him and you were not correct because he may not have thought it thru. Now, he is making assumptions that are incorrect, because you may not have given him enough detail.

If the bottom line is that you both love each other and the boundries are clear about your fantasy lives and the details of how that will all play out in your sex play with each other, then you may be over the hump (so to speak).

You both may need to listen more to the other and ask questions, lots of questions to explore your fears.

The good news is that you had begun the conversation in the past, you just didn't go far enough.

God luck and keep on talking AND LISTENING to one another. Remember, if you are talking, you are probably not listening.It's next to impossible to do both at teh same time.

Mike