I have a question

[ssm76]

Hello everyone, I'm a 20 year old college-going guy and I've thought about the idea of bisexuality for about a year now and never acted on it. I've had fantasies about encounters with guys and threesomes, what have you. I've also masturbated to these fantasies. But when I get off, I feel guilty afterward. Like I'm ashamed of myself or something. I guess my question is if anyone else has ever had this experience and what did you do to get over yourself? Because this is really starting to annoy me :\

[Realist]

1st of all, welcome to the site. You have found the right place. While we may have a few trolls and antagonists, but there are many more intelligent and interesting folks here, too.

The most important thing is, I think, is learning who you are, understanding your needs and desires, then coming to terms with 'em. That's harder for some, than others. And, probably a lot depends on how you were raised.

My GF was raised in a very open-minded family, where controversial and sexual issues were discussed openly and intelligently. At a young age, she was a lot more at-ease with her sexuality than I was. She had no compunction about experimenting with either gender and feels that being bisexual is natural for her.

I was raised in an extremely conservative and religious family, where nothing of a controversial or sexual nature was discussed by anyone, who was not an adult. I have no idea of how many times I was told, "That is not for you to know; you're too young!" or "When you are an adult, we will discuss that." Well, I never did get to be an adult, apparently, because no one ever told me anything! (Their idea of an adult seemed to be someone of at least 50, when I was in my most inquisitive years)

Like you, I dealt with a lot of guilt. But, I think it's a natural thing. It would help if you have someone who will allow you to be yourself and help you seek the level, where you're the most comfortable with yourself.

Life is a journey and you're just now getting started. Be careful, safe and think before you act. You may make a few mistakes, but try to learn from them and move on.

I hope you'll be as lucky as I've been...I've had a wonderful, interesting, life and, overall, I've enjoyed being bisexual. I had a fantastic time in college, too!

Check out the archives, you'll probably can find a few of these things have been discussed before!

[fredtyg]

When I was your age I nearly always felt guilty after I'd had a homosexual encounter. I think it's just a result of societal and peer pressure. Plus, at that age I felt like I was supposed to be chasing after girls, getting married and having kids.

I didn't get rid of the after guy-sex guilt until probably my mid 30s. I think then it was more a matter of knowing who I was and being comfortable with myself. I'm glad I had all my homosexual experiences earlier on. I just wish I'd felt the way I do now so I could of experienced more of them and felt better about them after I'd had them.

[tg Shannon]

so far I agree with all that has been said on this topic, I would like to add to it by saying that it is also a physical thing, when guys are horny, the labido is in high gear, the minute you start to cum the labido starts to drop and bottoms out when you finish cumming, embarrasment sets in imediatly, you feel silly and all you want to do is run and hide. these feeligs may last anywhere from an hour up to weeks, its natural, the thing you have to do is get over it and move on, pursue your fantasies, it does get easier, however, if you sit an anylize the hell out of it, you wont be happy, also, this may be a phase for you, just an experiment, so relax, try not to think about it and have fun.
Shannon

[Long Duck Dong]

I had a counselling client once that always felt quilty after sex.... so I talked with them, and threw out the * religion and upbringing * aspect.... as they were raised in a nil belief house hold.....

they have come to me in desperation over the issue as it didn't matter if it was male or female..... and the problem didn't exist when they masturabated.... but after 3 years of counselling, they were no better off and in fact worse off when they came to me......

as per normal the first session was free, as I needed to evaluate if I could help them or not.... and I let them talk freely...... in the second session, I said to them the next time they get laid, lay in bed and talk with the person for a hour or so afterwards......

3 weeks later they came back, and first thing they said.... " thank you, you were bang on the money.... my issue is that I am not into casual sex and I feel like I have used people for sex *

and that was the key..... we can become concerned and worried about how we relate to others, how we treat other people and how we may show lack of respect for others..... even during masturbation.....

the other side of the coin, is how people will see us.. will they see us as users, abusers, sluts and sex maniacs that have no consideration for other people.......

those two issues are often the base causes that other bigger issues like religion and upbringing rest on....... the way we act and the way people see us......

the term * I can not accept me, how can others accept me * comes to mind, as often we are our own critics, and then our own judge, jury and executioners...... and the trouble is that many people resolve it by justifying their own actions with thinking such as * its sex not love, so its fine, .... nothing wrong with casual sex, its my right..... and I have needs, wants and desires, they come first..... *

that is when we start to become the partner that is more concerned about our own rights before that of our partners..... and we become * ME with a partner * instead of * US together *


now I would suggest ( and I know you are broke... most students are )... is follow a case of action that allows you to act on your impulses with a person that will not and can not come back to haunt you with idle gossip and ennuendos..... and go from there.... learn about the way you feel and think thru the whole thing.... the meeting up, the interaction, the sex and the afterwards......and that will help you isolate the areas that are the bigger issues and from that, you will start to find your own way of understanding them and the best way to ask for and seek out help

[manhatten]

I don't think it's worth worrying about, I go thru the same thing. But the difference is, I HAVE been with about 5 or 6 guys bisexually, and after I would cum there, I didn't feel guilty at all, but more like how much fun it was. To this day tho, when I jerk off by myself at porn I feel a little lonely, guilty, but I am aware that if in the real situation, it had no place, so I get over it quickly now.
You need a discreet encounter to see if this is also true for you. If not discreet and it is bad, then it might get worse as now you have someone calling or coming by and reinforcing that feeling. Just take 'precautions' against STD's!

[the sacred night]

I was raised with very anti-sex messages and felt guilty anytime I got off to anything for a long time. I explored my beliefs about sexuality and as I grew older, came to realize I found nothing wrong with the things I was doing. I still felt guilty sometimes, but once I had that realization, it got less and less. Sometimes I feel that if I get off to something I had thought was taboo or whatever, but not so much anymore after having some great conversations about the difference between fantasy and reality, and how it is not wrong to fantasize about something even if it might be wrong to do it, and if it wouldn't be wrong to do it, how could it be wrong to fantasize about it?

[WolfKing]

Yeah, for a while, I would do the same, didn't matter if it was sex or masturbation, I'd still feel ashamed once I was finished. I don't know if there's any surefire method to get over it, but it really is the moment you can truly accept, to yourself, that there's nothing wrong with what you're doing, that it's totally natural.

[drwilsontx]

Hello everyone, I'm a 20 year old college-going guy and I've thought about the idea of bisexuality for about a year now and never acted on it. I've had fantasies about encounters with guys and threesomes, what have you. I've also masturbated to these fantasies. But when I get off, I feel guilty afterward. Like I'm ashamed of myself or something. I guess my question is if anyone else has ever had this experience and what did you do to get over yourself? Because this is really starting to annoy me :\

First get over the thought that your either straight or gay, there's straight, there's gay, and there is everything in between,
I consider myself straight/w bi tendencies(best description I got) I have a buddy my sexual doppelganger, gay with bi tendencies. we are both "any port in a storm".. difference is I will go female first, he will go male first. your guilt comes from societies expectations of you, or your perceptions of what society wants from you. what you are experiencing is Post Orgasmic Depression. It happens, our bodies and mind tell us one thing, our upbringing and indoctrination to christian principals tell us another. Personally, I have given up the belief in imaginary friends(God, Zeus, Mother Nature, JC and the boys, Ra, The Holy Spook, Mohamed, Buddha, Bushido and the teenage Mutant Ninja turtles. (I'm sorry if i left your imaginary friend out). Sexual urges are a part of life. Explore them, Enjoy them, Cuss them, deny them, Embrace them and share them.

Enjoy life, in all it's forms. experience life, laugh, cry and die. treat people with respect and dignity. And too the fuckers that stole my motorcycle, again, I really hope there's a hell reserved for you

[void()]

I like this signature.

"Bisexuality doesn't mean I like everyone; it just means if I don't like you, your gender isn't the reason. "

Well thought. :)

As for the OP,

Don't beat yourself up over someone else's moralities. We each are capable of deciding our own. That is not saying I condone pure hedonism but if you enjoy something, you ought to enjoy it. Guilt most often comes from external sources. Listen to your own heart and mind, they won't steer _you_ wrong. Give yourself more credit. If you think you aren't worth a sack of beans, everyone else will think that of you too.

"(I'm sorry if i left your imaginary friend out)"

Drat, you don't believe in Harvey? Wow man you're really core!
Personally, I just can't give up Harvey, an imaginary friend that keeps whispering all the others don't exist. Might be the medications, though. Might be genius too. They say creative types often are a little dust ridden in the attics. In all earnest i don't buy into any deities, but do retain a right to hope and dream. I think without that a person losses everything. I say think, ought to say know.