Pammie

[darkeyes]

Lost in the mists of time
A kiss
When our eyes met
and our hearts went thump
So long ago
When we walked over hill and moor
and held hands
When we danced close
Cheek to cheek
And shared so much
An ending Pammie
Yet it was a beginning
From lover to friend
Thank you
Sleep well...

[MarieDelta]

Very touching. Thanks Fran :D

[darkeyes]

Pam was an old girl friend and lover. She would have been 32 in 5 months time. She died of bone cancer three days ago and I didn't even know she was ill.

I met Pammie at a party and she was supposed to be just a one night stand. So was I for that matter. It didn't work out that way, and we ended up having such fun that we went out together for nearly 2 months. She was vivacious, funny and had sparkling blue eyes which never stopped smiling. She was sadly a Hibs supporter, but how could I hold that against someone who never had a bad word to say about anyone, and looked and smelled divine?

She like me, was a big fan of Scottish folk culture, and was a wonderful fiddler and acoustic guitarist. She gave me my first few fiddle lessons and if I play ok now, compared to her I am indeed nothing but a rank amateur.. I taught her bohrain and together we used to jam and have great fun over cognac and wine.

We could never agree on the existence of God, and in fact she could never agree with anyone about God.. especially the Roman Catholic Church in which she was raised. Her God was personal to her and she could never believe that her bisexuality was a barrier to her gatecrashing heaven, nor did she believe it could be a boring place. "God," she used to say "loves us. He would never allow us to be miserable in the afterlife". And she did not believe that I or any other athiest would be denied entry!!! She could not accept that because I did not believe in God the pearly gates would be closed to me. "Its how you live, not what you believe," she would say. "God understands."

When our time ended, there was no dramatic scene.. no recriminations.. just acceptance that it was time to move on. I remember her smile as she jumped on her bus home and I shouted to her "Friends, Pammie?" She laughed, her eyes shone and bawled back "Too fucking right!" And so it was.

If heaven exists.. and I always say I hope I am wrong about that.. but if it does, I am pretty sure my friend Pammie is up there now having a whale of a time. If she was wrong and heaven was boring.. well I'm bloody sure it isn't now.

The poem above I wrote not long after we broke up and she proved as good as her word.. we did become friends and often saw each other and had many laughs. When she moved south to work I missed her and it is over a year since we spoke and longer since we saw each other. But in our hearts friends we were and would always remain. When I heard she had died and I had had my wee blubb for her loss and in her memory.. I looked out the poem and added just two words.. "Sleep well".

[DuckiesDarling]

Awww hugs Fran and my condolences.

[CuddlyKate]

The day Frances introduced us, Pam immediately asked me how hot my ears were and grinned a devilish grin. I looked a bit bewildered until the penny dropped. She was referring to Frances and her incessant talking. I knew immediately we would get on very well.

She was a bundle of boundless energy and if I didn't know her well, I did know her well enough to be much saddened by her passing and wish that Frances had been able to see her one final time before the end. All who knew her in our circle of friends are shocked and although I knew her but little, I knew her well enough to know that the world is a much sadder place today.

My thoughts go to all who loved her.

[ubersmack]

I am very sorry to hear about this. I hope your heart will heal quickly. :(

[falcondfw]

Condolences to those who knew and cared about her.
Very touching Fran and Kate.

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

Oh Sweetie. I am so sorry. Big big hugs to you, Girlfriend..
Cat

[Hephaestion]

Commiserations Fran.

[sammie19]

I am truly sorry about Pam, Fran. Jo told me this evening and it was so unexpected. I know just how fond you were of her and my deepest condolences to you and all her family.

[darkeyes]

This afternoon is Pammie's funeral. In my life I have been to quite a few such final farewells, but this will be the first where I read a valediction. Her mum asked if one her friends would say a few words and I'm afraid such was the rush to the back of the hall the honour has been left with me. Little Ms Cocky Drawers... and I have never been so nervous and scared shitless in my life, and I just have no idea if I will be able to hold up. When I was writing the valediction my eyes were so filled with tears at memory and loss I just don't know if I'm going to be able to go though with it.

I am a physical and mental wreck. Thank fuck my m8s will be there, cos one of them surely will take over when I inevitably break down. No Kate.. o fuck, no Kate.. where are you when I need you.. Cos I will, I just know it, and I just dont want to make a fucking mess of it. Pammie deserves a better farewell than me making an arse of meself, choking and bottling it. I've already had to do the make up twice cos of my snifflin an blubbin and I have never been so emotional about anyone dying. My legs are like jelly, my hands shake and I have this awful gripe in the pit of my stomache which is painful an I have a bangin head. Pull yourself together girl.. youll be fine. Yea.. right..

Well, best go. I have the loveliest lady to say goodbye to. Wish me well and think of Pammie and those she leaves behind.

[Realist]

I doubt if anyone would have put as much thought and heart into her epitaph, Fran. You knew and loved her, and ate articulate enough to put her goodbye in appropriate terms...............so it's fitting that you were chosen.

Maybe she's looking down on you with a smile on her face and will appreciate it.

Good luck to you and a sweet Adios to Pammie.

[darkeyes]

Thank you Realist... Im sorry for the drama earlier.. but I am what I am. But I did get through, helped by the fact unexpectedy Naggy arrived just before I got up to speak, and was there to hold my hand when the inevitable happened and I broke down.

The family were very nice about what I said, and hope that it was of comfort, because it was nothing if not from the heart.:)