In the midst of a lot of tragedy...some hope for kids

[DuckiesDarling]

http://mashable.com/2010/09/21/dan-savage-youtube/


Dan Savage has set up a youtube channel where gays can post encouraging videos for kids who are targeted because of their sexuality.

It Gets Better (http://www.youtube.com/itgetsbetterproject)

[Falke]

There is also a facebook page for it as well. I'll submit a video to them as soon as I am able to. I am really happy to see this being put up. Considering I spent 6 years in my own hell due to bullying I am looking to pay the help forward to someone in the same position.

Anyhow, here is the page:

http://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/It-Gets-Better-Project/158071744210603?ref=ts

[DuckiesDarling]

Thanks for that link, Zwitter. I just went and "Like"d it.

[Long Duck Dong]

and I will post in support of all students that are bullied...... not just the LGBT...

I know and understand the the videos are for gays that can post for people bullied for their sexuality...... but.... part of my bisexuality is the gay aspect, the sex with other males, so under that, ( evil grin ) so the gay part of me may post a video :tong:

either way, I would love to see the bullying, harassment and humiliation of all young teens, stopped.... or at the least, that we can get to them before we lost them for good.... and save another life......

I am realistic in the fact that bulling has became a cyber issue and even harder to stop now.... and that so many young teens suffer cos of that..... but we create the issues that we decry..... in the name of human rights, technology and creating a better world......

I read a story a few weeks ago..... 30 years ago, a child may be bullied by 3 -4 bullies per school...... now, a child may be bullied by 5-6 at school and up to 10,000 online, due to cyber bullying ( comments on face book, forums, emails, pics )......

how do we protect our children now...... and can we

[DuckiesDarling]

Online bullying hurts every child, be they straight, gay or polka dotted. It can be worse in some ways than real life bullying because people tend to grow balls behind a computer screen and say things they would never say in real life.

There are several sites out there for stopping cyberbullying and there are judicial people struggling to come up with a way to punish people who do commit cyber bullying.

Sad fact is though, to end yourself being cyber bullied all you have to do is stay off the net. That's the problem a lot of people face, it's preventable if you don't put yourself out there. Yet the net is fast becoming an integral part of life and kids in school are assigned places like studyisland.net to go do homework.

[Long Duck Dong]

the trouble is that as adults and mature people, we create the issues that kids are bullied for and we encourage it by our own actions

as LGBT we preach about intolerance, yet we then turn around and slam the heteros for most of society...... and to my knowledge, heteros are not responsible for the way that LGBT people can act.....

there appears to be the attitude of poor lgbt..... but we are human, our sexuality is a part of our lives, it is not who we are but a aspect of who we are...... and there is times that we act like assholes and provoke volatile reactions from people..... and the first thing we do, is claim its homophobic behievour because we are LGBT.....

we use the catch phrase of * poor LGBT are being bullied at school cos they are LGBT * and my reaction is why are they being bullied ??? the answer I get is cos the person is LGBT ...... well duh..... I know that..... but why??? is it the way they talk, the way they dress, the way they smile....... cos if the answer is yes... then sexuality is not the reason they are bullied... its the excuse used by people as a valid excuse for the bullying

most people that bully LGBT people, do not even know they are LGBT, unless the person is outed or outs themselves......
there has been cases in nz of kids bullied for being lgbt according to reports and the bullies themselves said that they bullied the kids and never knew they were LGBT.... they bullied them for other reasons

we are encouraging kids to come out as LGBT, then using that as a tool to decry bullying against them......
its a bit like saying, * be out and proud for yoursself, but we will use you as a stat to make our stance look good too... *

ever heard of hetero bashing ?????? its a form of gay bashing without the sexuality involved...... its known as assault and battery..... but add the sexuality, its gay bashing and homophobia......

bullying is bullying... its us that is defining it into different groups...

[Realist]

Absolutely, these kids are reflecting their parents' attitudes and comments. You're not going to change their way of thinking, until you change their Parents.

Some of them will grow out of their prejudices, but most will probably perpetuate them.

[BobbyGlendinning]

I actually have a huge problem with this project by Dan Savage. Dan Savage has been vicious about outing adults who hold political beliefs contrary to his own, and he has used his platform at the New York Times to bolster his personal belief that bisexuals are lying about their sexuality and are really gay.

In most places I've seen Savage quoted about this project, he says he had to undertake this project to counteract "homophobic" parents who are going to try to stop their kids from identifying themselves as gay. This bothers me on many levels: First, because I don't think Savage has the right to interfere with parents and their children. Second, because I don't like the fact that this series is essentially a way to encourage more young people to interpret their inclinations -- or what people perceive about their future inclinations -- as evidence that they are going to follow in Dan Savage's footsteps, identify the way Dan Savage does, and forego other possibilities (like being bisexual or heterosexual).

Bullying is wrong but I don't think you need to counteract bullying by going on the Internet and trying to tell kids who are being teased that they're being teased because they're gay, so they should come out and become like us who are gay. Saying, "it gets better" is projecting our life stories onto theirs, and while I understand the good intents behind this, I think it only makes the situation worse.

By making this a gay-adult-talking-to-young-adult project, we're just keeping everyone's focus on who's gay and who's not, which ends up fueling arguments among young people about sexual identity.

Many of the suicides or bullying cases that are cited in Time magazine and elsewhere involve kids who are as young as 11. I don't think we can impose a gay identity on someone that young, and the answer to someone who's getting bullied is not to channel them into a homosexual identity that might not be right for them. Lots of kids get called sissy or faggot who aren't necessarily going to be happiest as an exclusively gay adult. Focusing on the bullying and respectful behavior in general is preferable to assuming that he's being called a sissy because he really *is* gay -- that just increases the anxiety in the kid's mind.

What upsets me is that Dan Savage sees bullying only as it relates to gay identity, and to him gay identity is a specific political stance that excludes bisexuals as well as any same-sex-loving people who do not agree with Savage's agenda. Dan's crude, mocking, and vicious style of invective, which he shares all the time on his TV appearances and in his columns, has probably done more damage to our national discourse about sexuality than can be made up with this video series. Savage has left a legacy of biting, sardonic dismissals about people.

As a dad, I care a great deal about bullying and want my child to have a strong sense of self. I don't think that means I have to relate my child's experiences to my choices as an adult or even what I went through as a child.

I think the project is a good idea but it's more about adults justifying their lives to themselves than stopping kids from being mean to each other. If we care about the latter, we have to work hard toward civility and also stop focusing so much on sexual identity, which kids mimic and then turn into their own voyeurism about peers' sex lives.

[DuckiesDarling]

I think the project is a good idea but it's more about adults justifying their lives to themselves than stopping kids from being mean to each other. If we care about the latter, we have to work hard toward civility and also stop focusing so much on sexual identity, which kids mimic and then turn into their own voyeurism about peers' sex lives.

The project itself is not designed to stop bullying but to let kids know that things get better. That is why I posted it. I don't care if people think it's self gratifying but if it stops even one kid from committing suicide than passing it on was worth it.

[Falke]

The project itself is not designed to stop bullying but to let kids know that things get better. That is why I posted it. I don't care if people think it's self gratifying but if it stops even one kid from committing suicide than passing it on was worth it.

This.

I have to say that reading up on the facebook side of things, and even posting there has an effect. I'll have to say that it brought back some heavy thing. Memories, thoughts, feelings that I buried came right back up like zombies in a C rated horror film. My wife not all that long ago asked when I first had same-sex feelings and I replied that I could not remember, and I didn't due to it all being cast into a mental pit, but it's all back: The sorrow, the pain,and the memories. Fortunately that white hot rage that existed had subsided a couple of years ago. It was bad enough to be called/treated as the gay kid when I didn't fully know/understand what I was, but that I denied any feelings I had for fear of proving them right.

I thank my loving wife for being there while this was occurring. She held me while I went head-long against what I had run from/buried all this time. Aside from a still-lingering headache I am now doing the best I have ever been.

I do agree a little with Bobby. It should be an all around strategy against bullying regardless of circumstance. However, it really helps even as of this weekend to read other LGBT accounts of what I went though, as it has really, really helped me out in something I thought I was over, but really was not. Even if my younger self had seen this, I would not have gone to the "I am gay" side of things, but it really would have helped to see that, while I was isolated in my fight, I was not fighting alone, and that would have made things easier and maybe I would have been able to get over this much sooner.

Well, enough prattling on. I should have an opportunity to make my video contribution tomorrow. I really hope it makes the cut and gets out to someone who needs it. :)

[Long Duck Dong]

if it was me... I would get the gay kids to make videos so they can tell the world about what its like in their shoes.......

the world has changed, we are the adults telling the kids it will get better, when we were bullied in a day and age that was different for us......

but where are the voices of the kids that we are helping,... what they are dealing with, how are they being bullied, how can we help...... and why are we telling them it will get better later..... when they need it to get better now.... while they are struggling with the issues now......

I am a person that grew up with dysthimia, and I am bisexual..... now dysthimia causes suicidal tendencies... but if I have taken my own life, it would have been regarded as being cos I was bullied cos of my sexuality......

we need to listen to the kids now and make it better now.... not tomorrow, not next year, not in 10 years time...... cos the kids need it to get better now....and when we tell them to hand in there and wait cos it gets better...... we are assuming they can hold out......