In need of some advice

[Stargazer1417]

So, I've just gotten divorced and for the first time I went on a date with a woman. (I've had causal encounters with women before but never set out to have a relationship with one before now.) Maybe its that I'm not used to dating women, and maybe its that I haven't dated in 7 years but I'm confused and I'm hoping you guys can help me figure out what the hell she is thinking.

We were just introduced a week ago Saturday. I think we hit it off right away. Tuesday night after she got off work I went over to her place to watch movies, ended up kissing, gave her a topless back massage, and spent the night spooning with her in her bed. I thought a 10 1/2 hour first date was pretty good. Thursday I asked her out to dinner and she said that would be "amazing" but then had to cancel because she got called into work (she works as a waitress). I ended up stopping by her work to have some dessert with my sister. When I got home she texted me and said it was nice seeing me.

Since then I've tried making plans with her twice, and both times she said she would text or call me to let me know what was going on and didn't. If I text her I get two word responses if I get any response at all.

So I'm a little confused. She always seemed excited about doing something together, and we had a great time together, but it seems now like she is avoiding or not talking to me. Did I come on too strong? Or am I reading her wrong?

Any thoughts would be appreciated. Thanks guys and gals!

[littlerayofsunshine]

Lay back and relax a while. Sounds like she is sorting some things out herself and that this short week and a half was pretty heavy stuff. Going up to her work, calling and texting in a moderate amount might seem a little fast for her. But don't sweat too much over it. I was once known to be too hot and heavy once and had to deal with the rejection though it wasn't intended to be hurtful. It's all a learning experience.

See if some space brings her closer to you. And if after a week, you don't hear a peep. Just send her a "I was thinking about you" text.

Good lucky hunny.

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

Yep. What lil Ray just said. :}
Cat

[abstruse_ric]

I haven't dated in 7 years....Did I come on too strong? Or am I reading her wrong?

It doesn't matter if you came on too strong or that you can't figure her out. Rule #1 in dating: do not get bogged down waiting for the other person to call. Go out and date others. Meet new people. If you haven't dated in seven years, then yes, you might come on too strong. Serial dating can fix that. Practice, practice, practice, and you'll do fine.

[bigbadmax]

If it happens it happens...if it dont work out , then it wasn't meant to be.

life hands you lemons now and again...so make a large gin and tonic!

keep smiling

bbm

[NEPHX]

... I'm hoping you guys can help me figure out what the hell she is thinking.

Did I come on too strong? Or am I reading her wrong?

Any thoughts would be appreciated. Thanks guys and gals!

All good points already made.

You're just being YOU. And, there is certainly nothing wrong with that. Or at least a you with a few emotional scars/needs from divorce. You only dated one person. If this happens after the 30th person you have a 10 hour date with, you might want to seek professional coaching. I personally love people that are conscientious pursuers and it helps me appreciate the romance and doing the same. Some do like to play hard to get or just don't have time.

If the person you're pursuing isn't interested, get to know the signs. Not so sure you can change yourself or should. It can be as simple as you remind them of their 2nd grade teacher. Then again, she could call you tomorrow and you'll forget you ever were concerned. You might change your methods over time or find someone that grabs hold of the who YOU are for all the things that make you that person. While others can tell you how they do things, only you know how you do or will. You'll likely hone your skills as you date more. I'd tell you to date A LOT of people if you're so inclined.

There are lots of people that really love the chase but not so much like to be caught or at least for very long. (catch & release). Don't underestimate that kind of personality as they can be LOTS of fun but they only want NSA. It doesn't make them bad people.

The reason she is not actively trying to see you again could be so many other reasons... medical, financial, sexual, emotional, job-related, she's busy burying the other bodies & the axe ... who knows what else.

Its nature for people to view others through how we would act/react/feel etc. and one of my favorites:
"We don't see things as they are, we see things as we are." Anais Nin

Another thing to look at is that you JUST got divorced. And, you probably have REBOUND written all over you. You can deny it all you want but likely A year from now you'll wonder why you didn't see it more clearly at the time :eek:. Look at what you talk about, etc. when you are with someone especially on a 1st date. If you mentioned your X, your marriage or divorce even once (in any detail), it was once too many times. Also, "they" say you needs to put distance between you and your marriage/relationship before you should consider dating never mind any kind of serious relationship. You likely have baggage (yes, its true).

And, the fact that you were married to a MAN (I'm making an assumption here) is not something that many lesbian women tend to get excited about. Many will out right and vocally shun you. Granted it is a age-old bi myth but many people don't want to get into anything serious with a bi person as they want monogamy and no worries about "us" switching teams - again.

Just my .25 x :2cents:

[rigamatorboy]

Hmmmmmmm just at thoiught but if she seen you at her restaurant with your sister did you happen to mention she was your sister maybe she thinks you are seeing someone else. Kinda a dumb thought but sorry i hhad to ask

[bizel]

hi stargazer,i think you're over-analyzing and focusing on this woman too much. one date doesn't mean an instant relationship. a lot of women tend to do this as well. they tend to think if they go out with someone, and they can't stop thinking about them, that their date should be doing the same. there is a book written 'for women who couldn't understand why he said he would call but never did'. it called 'he's just not that into you'. don't know if that's the case with this one, but she is only one fish in the sea. as one person mentioned, put yourself out there to others. try an activity that takes you outside yourself. join an indoor rock climbing group (or at least, give it a go),or do some volunteer work. get out and mingle - not necessarily with intention to date, but just socialise. your circle of women friends will increase, and so will your chances of finding someone who wants to make YOU happy. the more you focus on someone who doesn't appear to be doing that, the more you will miss opportunities with women who want to cos your focus is in the wrong direction. from a personal point of view, i can only imagine how scary it is to start over, so take it slowly. take time to figure out what went wrong with your marriage so you don't take that into the next relationship. keep your chin up and do baby steps.